Category: Relationships

Jesus, Diapers and Chardonnay

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Chara Ramer.  Welcome, Chara!

Photo: Lancia Smith

Hi! I’m Chara and I am the mama of two fabulous boys, ages 3 and almost 6.  I work as a bookkeeper, but my passion is being with my kids as well as writing.  I hope to write in such a way that opens dialogue where it is most needed but seldom happens.  I hope to create a safe space for Moms to support each other in this journey.
To that end, I am getting my blog up and running: jesusdiapersandchardonnay.com.

So I gotta be honest…sometimes I really don’t like my kids.  Take this moment to judge me all you want, but please keep reading.  I love my kids. They are brilliant, adorable, fabulous, inspiring…and often exhausting.  Don’t get me wrong, I really do usually like them, and I always love them.   But being a mom is hard, and being nice to my kiddos day in day out is even harder.
I think the problem is that our society doesn’t give us space, or license to talk in such terms.  We are all walking around pretending that we feel that raising children is this continuously fabulous and joyous experience that we are privileged to be a part of.  And that is very true, some of the time.  But the rest of the time, Mothering is hard work.  Mothering requires great effort, endless sacrifice, and constant innovation.  We are always on call, we never really have a day off, and our job description changes by the hour.
As moms we spend a lot of time feeling guilty, and this guilt keeps us from expressing what is really going on inside.  But as with any difficult situation (and ladies, let’s face it, raising children is difficult), we can find comfort in knowing we are not alone.  We can find refreshment in ideas from other like minded equally honest “colleagues.”  We can find rest for our weary spirits sometimes if we just pause long enough to admit that this is really a struggle, and its okay not to love it every minute of every day.
So if you are reading this, and you do not struggle, then I applaud you, and even envy you.  If you are struggling, but feel too scared to tell anyone, then think about taking a risk.  Chances are, moms around you are feeling the same way.
Just go for total disclosure, and trust that other Mamas will feel relieved and empowered by your honesty.  I mean don’t we all wonder who we can talk to when all you want to say is “I can’t stand being around my kid right now, I feel like I am a crappy mom, and all I really want to do is take a nap for 3 days.”  If only each of us had another mom to call when we feel such things…
For instance, lately my 3 year old has been making me totally nuts.  Literally “Bouncing off the walls” is an understatement of his behavior the past few weeks.  Last week at my older son’s kindergarten graduation party, I had to run out to the car to grab something.  I found a couple of my “Mommy friends” and said to them:  “Could you keep an eye on him real quick?  Because if I have to take him all the way out to the car and back, I might just give him away to someone.”  They laughed, a bit awkwardly in that way we moms do when we don’t know how to respond to another mom.  Then I smiled a big smile saying:  “Of course I wouldn’t give him away, that would be crazy…I would sell him for money.”  Their awkward smiles just got bigger.  But beneath the somewhat strained smiles, was an element of relief that they weren’t the only ones having a tough time with their kids.  As I walked out of the room I said with a big smile, “Clearly I’m just kidding…well, mostly kidding.”
Of course I would never actually put my 3 year old up for sale (does EBay even have a category for that?).  But sometimes, just in joking about it (when the kids are clearly out of earshot and can’t be emotionally damaged by what I’m saying!), I find I can breathe a little easier.
Bottom line; let’s be a little more honest about the tough stuff.  Let’s support each other a bit more by admitting that we all have our moments of extreme joy, and also extreme anguish when it comes to this journey called motherhood.  And if all else fails, pour yourself a glass of wine or sparkling water with lime, sit down for a minute no matter how crazy the kids are, and remind yourself that you are fabulous, and your kids are so fortunate to have you as their Mama.

Being a Mom Has Taught Me How to Do My Job

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(photo caption) Me with my 2 girls, mother, and grandmother on Mother’s day 2012.

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Dr. Kaycie Rosen Grigel.  Welcome, Kaycie!

Me with my 2 girls, mother, and grandmother on Mother’s day 2012

My name is Kaycie Rosen Grigel, ND, and I am the mother of two girls ages 2 and 3.  I live, work, play, and garden in Golden Colorado, and own the Golden Naturopathic Clinic,LLC. For my career I chose to be a Naturopathic Doctor; we are primary care doctors who focus on addressing the underlying factors of disease and using the least invasive therapies possible to correct any imbalances in the body.  I also co-author a blog called Health From the Hearth which focuses on helping families learn to eat well to support their body’s health needs in each season of the year.

What I have learned from being a mom is that each of us as mothers are true doctors to our children.  In my practice, I listen to each patient, get to know them, then set out a plan for helping them understand how to care for themselves so they can feel their best.  This includes helping them learn how to eat properly, sleep well, exercise, feel good about their relationships, and take medications when appropriate.  In Naturopathic Medicine, one of our fundamental principles of practice is the latin word Docere–this defines doctors as teachers.  Similarly, as mothers our job is to nurture our children in a way that ultimately helps them learn to care for themselves and thrive as independent beings.

Beyond the theoretical similarities between my work and mothering, being a mom has deepened my skills as a doctor in a very tangible way.  For my pediatric patients, I better understand the subtleties of what they may be experiencing, what treatments work best for different situations, and even what they will be willing and able to take.  Similarly, for my adult patients, I better understand the time and energy constraints that contribute to habits that are detrimental to health.  This includes things like forgetting to eat until dinner, not getting enough exercise, or not sleeping through the night for four years running.  In my office, people have the opportunity to examine the template of how their life is laid out and make changes that ultimately will improve their health.  As a mother, I get to facilitate that process and help my children make the same types of good choices every day.

Motherhood: Ignoring the Judgements of Others (and Not Passing Any On)

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Karyn Dundorf.  Welcome, Karyn!

Hi! I’m Karyn, stay at home mom of (almost) 3.  (I once had a career as an engineer, and hope to have a career in the future, but for now find joy – most of the time – being home with the kiddos).

I am writing this commentary on motherhood from the perspective of a mother with young children.  Right now I have a 4 year old, an almost 2 year old, and an almost here baby (Editor’s note: Karyn had a healthy baby girl a couple of weeks ago – congrats Karyn and family!).  I’m sure one day I will look back and shake my head at some of the theories and assumptions about parenting I made at this time in my life, but this is where I am now and my “advice” goes out to all others with small ones.

First of all, be gentle with yourself.  It’s so easy as a woman, but especially as a mother, to put all sorts of expectations on yourself.  You talk to one mother and you worry that your child is not signed up for gymnastics or Chinese, the next interaction you feel guilty for whatever food you have just fed your child, and the third playdate reminds you that your house is a hazard and somehow you still haven’t lost the baby weight.  Each mother is different and each child is different (mine for sure are different!).  I found myself constantly beating myself up over what I was doing wrong.  Here’s the deal: we’ll all make mistakes.  We will ALL do stuff wrong.  But as long as you LOVE your children and you let them know they are loved, then you have done your best.

Secondly, be flexible and learn to laugh.  All the things I planned for, proved not to be an issue.  All the things I didn’t plan for, did happen.  You can read all the books, do all the research, but nothing will prepare you for your actual child.  Heck, even my first child did not prepare me for my second child and I expect the third will throw me all sorts of new curve balls.  I love sleep, yet I didn’t get 3 hours of sleep in a row for somewhere around a year with my firstborn.  My first born responds to logic, my second thinks logic is, well, silly and something to be ignored.  My first had sensory issues and feeding was an issue.  The second has no sensory issues and yesterday I found him playing with feces.  There are times that the challenges make you want to cry.  Sometimes crying is good, but it worries toddlers when Mommy cries, so it’s often best to just laugh.

Thirdly: There is a lot of judgement out there.  The term “mommy wars” gets used a lot.  The judgement gets old. It helps no one.  Do your best to ignore judgement and not to pass any on.  We’re all doing our best!

Lastly, motherhood is hard work.  It’s wonderful work, but it’s hard.  If you’re an introvert, you’re around a non-stop chatterbox and never get a moment to think.  If you’re an extrovert, you have that same chatterbox, but you never get a real conversation in.  It can take years (literally) to have a full night sleep.  It’s not about you.  It’s never about you.  A lot of  your identity will be wrecked during your child’s infancy.  Your body is wrecked, you are sleep deprived, and complete sentences are hard to form.   (I’m hoping that after the initial year you can get some of it back… or at least I hope to one day have at least one uninterrupted and coherent thought).  There are days that you want to pull every. single. hair out of your head.  And then, your child smiles at you, or tells you they love you, or just giggles at a cat walking past the window and everything is better and every single sacrifice worth it.

Motherhood: Learning Forgiveness in the Wake of an Accident

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Adrienne Gumersell.  Welcome, Adrienne!

My name is Adrienne Gumersell and I am a 33 year old mom of 3, trying to juggle the demands of my kids, while starting a new catering business, and a new blog.

People always ask me- which is harder, having a daughter or having a son?  I used to tell them- it’s just different.  Girls are head games, and boys are head injuries.  It’s just a matter of what you can tolerate better.  I thought I was pretty clever.
I stopped using this expression after my son fell out of a second story window and almost died.  After being flown by medivac to the hospital, he had to have emergency brain surgery, and was in an induced coma for over a week.  After a month in the hospital, we came home.  Today (after months of therapy and more than a year later) he is a fully functioning, healthy little boy.  There is no other way to describe him than- MIRACLE.
I felt guilty, thinking I brought this on myself by using the comparison between boys and girls.  I had only been considering bumps and bruises!  Never did I think that something like this could happen.  Who does?
I felt guilty, thinking I should have done something different.  But the bottom line is, it was an accident.
My kids were playing in our spare room, the window was closed and locked.
What stopped my guilt in it’s tracks was hearing my 5 year old daughter say it was “all my fault, Mommy! I’m the one who opened the window!”
It broke my heart. Because of course it was not her fault.
It was an accident.
And I decided to give myself the same grace.
My children have taught me many things, not the least of which is forgiveness– of others and of self.

The statistics on window related injuries are startling.  The American Academy of Pediatrics did a study from 1990-2008 and found that an average of over 5100 children a year are injured in such accidents.

Let’s all be more aware of window safety.  One life lost to this completely preventable problem is too many.  In fact, as part of the conclusion of the AAP’s study, they stated:

These injuries are an important pediatric public health problem, and increased prevention efforts are needed, including development and evaluation of innovative prevention programs.

Here is a comprehensive Window Safety Checklist, published by the National Safety Council.

Motherhood and Intended Purposes

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Pam Mellskog.  Welcome, Pam!

Pam Mellskog is a mom of three boys ages 6, 4, and 2.  She is also a reporter for the Longmont Times-Call newspaper in Colorado.  In addition, Pam writes the blog Mommy Musings. Editor’s note: Her blog is a great read and has some darling pictures of her kids! Check it out!
After I interviewed a local couple for an upcoming article to run on the Longmont Times-Call’s wedding anniversary and engagement page this Saturday, the man invited me into his workshop to look at a black box originally made to be a baby coffin.
This 79-year-old man collected all sorts of antiques – glass milk jars from defunct local dairies, oxen harness fittings, cracked wooden toys, rusty tools and so much more.
Probably a thousand or even 2,000 items filled his workshop and three white-washed semi-trailers parked in a row beside it.
Some objects, such as the crank-driven device with miniature push-broom brushes that fit over a large barrel, were so old and so obsolete that neither of us really knew the object’s intended purpose.
As it turned out, the father who built the baby coffin understood better than us how much times can change.
The man I interviewed on Monday night with his wife of 57 years said that he bought the baby coffin at an estate sale from an elderly man living in rural Nebraska with his elderly wife.
After the birth of one of their children, the then-young Nebraska couple followed the doctor’s orders to prepare for their baby’s impending death.
So, while the bereaved mother tended to the sick child as best as she could, the bereaved father built the coffin – a small, black box with brass studs on the seams long since tarnished to a color as dark as the old paint.
When we lifted the lid, we could see that this father also painted the interior a deep red. Under the lid, he used more black paint to stencil a stylized stork carrying off a sack.
But instead of placing his child in that box shortly after the paint dried, the man built a tray with compartments to fit snugly in it. And for the next many decades, he used the box for tools before emptying it and selling it to the man I interviewed with his wife early this week.
The baby lived.
In the last 24 hours since I touched the baby-coffin-turned-tool-box, I’ve thought more about my third child – a son with special needs related to Down Syndrome.
Once upon a time, society would have doomed Ray, now 2, and put him in some sort of dark box.
Doctors fewer than 50 years ago told parents to institutionalize these babies shortly after their birth and to never think about them again.
But like that old baby coffin, such a child comes with a very different intended purpose –  a life that includes tremendous potential for productivity and belonging and value.
Today, after another long week with my husband being gone on a business trip in the Middle East, I feel so far from being the parenting magazine mom – that woman who plans craft activities a week in advance, wears colorful,  fresh-pressed clothes and never seems to frown or yell or complain.
Trying to work even just 10 hours as a reporter on deadline while taking care of my three boys – ages 2, 4 and 6 – seems foolhardy!
Yet, my job gave back to my family and me this week.
Now, thanks to that interviewee showing me around his place, I have another vivid image of what my intended purpose is and what it is not.

Motherhood Makes Us Jacks (Janes?) of All Trades

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Megan Lane.  Welcome, Megan!

I am first and foremost, a mom to three sweet littles; Maggie -6, Nora -3, and Ben -1.  I am also married to my wonderful co-parent, Tom.  I am an RN/stay-at-home mom and currently working on my Master’s Degree in Nurse Midwifery.  We live in beautiful Colorado, love to be outdoors, travel, and spend time with our amazing family and friends.

Are you really “just a mom?”  I get this question from time to time and it always takes me by surprise.  It is usually followed by some reference to my career or schooling and usually comes from an old acquaintance, a former colleague, or once, even in a job interview.  I am usually able to giggle the question off with a quick “it’s a busy job” response but sometimes it makes me downright laugh.
No, I am not just a mom (99.9% of the time).  Motherhood has truly made me jack-of-all trades and anyone who has spent a day in a home filled with children would be unable to argue the truth to that statement.  I would say my average day requires skills more apt for a chef, housekeeper, referee, nurse, therapist, teacher, finance manager, ring master, and yes, even jail warden.  It can be dizzying.  Among the many, many gifts motherhood has bestowed on me, a well-rounded motherhood resume is among the top.
Thankfully, about .1% of the time I do get to be “just a mom.” At 2 am when I have all three kids cuddled in my bed for various reasons (nightmares, wanting snuggles, just because) I am just a mom, and it’s just what I want to be.

Seasons of Motherhood

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Megan Schimmelpfennig.  Welcome, Megan!

Photo: Awaken Photography

Hi!  I’m Megan Schimmelpfennig, the lucky wife of Sam, and blessed mom of three children ages 6, almost 3 and 1!  I’m also the founder and owner of my online children’s boutique, Trendy Tots ~n~ Polka Dots.

The definition of motherhood has changed significantly for me over the last two years.  This change started with our move from Arizona to Colorado, and having to leave my job as an advertising account manager in the corporate world for nearly six years.  A week after arriving in Colorado, we were thrilled with the news baby #3 was on the way, and little did I know, I was about to enter a new ‘season’ of being a full-time, stay at home mom.  I feel very fortunate to be able to stay at home with my children, but I’ll be honest, it’s been quite a transition.  Going from striving to meeting and exceeding sales goals and receiving awards for doing so, to striving just to get laundry done, the house picked up and little mouths fed numerous times a day has been no easy feat!  Needless to say, success has a whole new meaning for me.  Some days I feel like the ring leader of a three-ring circus and other days I feel like I’m up on the tight rope trying to balance it all.

By having the awesome experience of being part of a MOPS Group (Mothers of Preschoolers) since moving to CO, I have not only strengthened my relationship with God, but He has made it quite clear this is the season I’m meant to be in, right now, and I couldn’t be happier or more content.  With all the ups, downs, frustrations, challenges and some days very little praise or acknowledgement, I’ve realized I don’t need awards to prove I’m accomplishing great things.  I’m fulfilled when I see my children be kind and loving to each other and make good choices in difficult situations.  When they look at me with their big blue eyes, tears streaming down their cheeks, and they look to me for consolation and I’m here for them.  Being able to impact my children every day brings me immeasurable joy.  I’ve grown to be a more patient mom, cherishing even the time-outs and lessons learned, as I know this season will pass all too quickly.  I look at my patio door and so many times think, “I love those little handprints.  Some day they won’t be there and I will give anything to see them and have a noisy house again.”  During this season, I’ve learned to focus on what’s really important.  I know that for all of us our time is so limited with all that we have to do and the places we need to be, but at the end of the day, it all shakes down to priorities.  Our children are quick to make note of our priorities as well.

One of the things I love about motherhood is God created us all to be unique moms just like our children are unique!  And just as we shouldn’t compare our children to other children, we shouldn’t compare ourselves to other moms.  We set high standards for ourselves as moms and seek approval from other human beings.  We sometimes feel like the biggest compliment we could receive is to be told that we are a wonderful mother.  It’s nice to hear, but I don’t believe it validates anything.  Why?  Because we only need to be the mother that God created each of us to be.  That looks different for all of us.  At the beginning of everyday, my goal is to be the mom God has meant for me to be and raise my children to be the person that God created each of them to be!  I find when I keep feeding my soul with His word and listening to His voice, I’m on the right track in sticking with His plan.  I’m thankful motherhood is not a destination, because we would miss so many blessings along this journey.  And through this journey, God gives us His grace when we make mistakes.  He wouldn’t create us to be mothers without leading and guiding us and being our constant mentor.  What a comforting thought!  My wish for all moms is to live in the present moment of the season you are in.  And remember, the days go by slowly, but the years pass quickly and before we know it, this precious season is over.

Motherhood: Perfection is Not Possible

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Ariahn Knoedler.  Welcome, Ariahn!

Hi, I’m Ariahn Knoedler, mother of four girls under the age of six.  I am a church accompanist and play piano for other things occasionally but mostly, for the last five years, I’ve been busy with my babies.  I distinctly remember the first day after I quit my job as a financial advisor and chose to stay home with my only child at the time.  She was about 15 months old and it was a gorgeous day.   I took her outside in her diaper with a bunch of finger paints and let her make a disaster.  I will always treasure the sweet leisure of that memory and I feel so thankful that I’ve had more moments like that than I have had moments where I have felt overwhelmed and out of control.
Fourteen months ago, I had twins. The biggest way I have grown as a mother over the last year has been to yield to the chaos a little, to make myself open to others, and to accept help.  Before children, I worked hard to make it seem as if I always had it all together.  The last couple years, the friends and family who have supported me have come to realize there are ALWAYS about five loads of laundry piled in my laundry room, my kitchen floor is a mess with the remnants of the last “cooking show” the big girls and I have “hosted”, there’s marker and nail polish all over my beige carpet, and the remnants of two or three crafts can always be found in any given room in my house.  I like to think of my home as happy chaos.
The moms I know, whether they have come to this point of motherhood through adoption, through a planned pregnancy, or through the shock of unexpected multiples, are doing the very best they can.  They are an amazing, strong, diverse, and beautiful group of women.  If I had one piece of advice I could impart it would be to take a breath and accept the mother you are.  There is so much pressure to do everything perfectly, and perfection is simply not possible with these little tornadoes, but a (mostly) happy chaos is.

Be Careful What You Say – The Kids ARE Listening!

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Megan Alpert.  Welcome, Megan!
My name is Megan Alpert and I am a mom of two boys and work for MapQuest in Denver, CO.  I love sharing the adventures of life and parenthood with my husband, Aaron.

Words to live by:

My children have perfectly good ears – they can hear the quietest whisper of a conversation, from across the room, if it is something they are trying to overhear.   And yet, most days, I find myself repeating requests as if I am speaking an undecipherable foreign language.  “Please get your shoes on…let’s set the table…please don’t swing golf clubs in the house…use your napkin instead of your shirt”    I find solace in knowing that I am not alone when I think phrases that have come to symbolize parenthood, such as: “How many times do I need to tell you” and “Did you hear me?”  Recently, I realized that even though you may feel like a repeat record, our children are listening to us.

Years ago, I read The Help, (amazing book if you haven’t read it!) and was moved by the words that the main character always recites the little girl: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”  I decided that this message would be a mantra that I would tell my little boys each night as I tucked them in.

Last month, my second grader came home with a stack full of papers from school.  As I flipped through his work, asking him for the 3rd time to please not throw baseballs in the kitchen, I came across a green piece of construction paper, the edge corners curled framing a white paper with marker writing.   The top of the page read, My Family Values, and below, written in his nicest penmanship, the words: “You are kind. You are smart. You are important.”  My heart smiled and I had one of those amazing moments that we all have as mothers – pure happiness and pride.
And I realized, our words do matter and our words are heard.  Choose wisely.

Motherhood: Knowing How to Pick Your Battles

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Jinnie Smith.  Welcome, Jinnie!

My name is Jinnie Smith.  I am the mother of Hannah, 30 and Megan, 27. BA in Political Science from University of Minnesota; Juris Doctorate from Indiana University School of Law, Indianapolis. Lived in Minnesota for 25 years where I froze every winter but look younger than I am as a result. I have lived in Indianapolis since 1997, where I am an Elder and currently serving as a Deacon at Northminster Presbyterian Church, Indianapolis.

Being Hannah and Megan’s mom crystalizes the word ‘joy’ for me.  The memories of their growing up years are filled with humor, frustration, and the astonishing moments when they say or do something that knocks your socks off. Hannah, with tears streaming down her face, talking about a doll she found during clean-up in the aftermath of a hurricane.  A phone call on my birthday from Megan and the youth group on a work trip in New Mexico. They all sang “Happy Birthday” together on the phone.

The best thing about being their mom right now is seeing the remarkable young women they have become. They are strong, intelligent and beautiful. Hannah campaigned actively for Obama in 2008 in some of the worst neighborhoods of Detroit. Megan is an outspoken advocate for LGBT rights, especially in our church. They are also 2 of the funniest people I have ever known.

When my husband was ill and dying, they both came home periodically and stayed for a week. I remember watching Hannah help Ron walk into the kitchen and teasing him about wanting to hold her hand. And Megan sobbing at his bedside when he was dying. He was in a coma and she thought no one was watching.

I have 2 pieces of advice that served me well as a mom.

1. Catch them being good! Acknowledge their positive behavior. Take advantage of teachable moments and help them learn from their poor decisions.

2. Pick your battles and be sure the ones you pick are the ones you have to win. If it is not morally, physically or legally threatening it might not be worth fighting about. I used to sit and watch MTV with the girls rather than forbidding it. I also commented on the videos and it paid off later in their words and actions. Megan told a boyfriend there was nothing funny about saying he was going to kick her butt. She sent him home. He later apologized.

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