My kids went to the greatest birthday party a couple of weeks ago.  It had everything a kid could possibly want: 2 enormous bouncy houses, an all-you-can-eat nacho bar, a 4 foot tall pinata, 3 cakes – and tons of games.  But these weren’t the games my kids were used to playing, these were “old school†games.  Games where there was a clear winner – and a clear loser.  As I watched the kids duke it out in tug-of-war, I realized that my daughter had rarely lost a game in her life.  The games she had played at other parties, in school, and even at home didn’t dictate a clear winner, or more importantly, a clear loser.  She (and I for that matter) were more used to being praised simply for participating and giving it a good shot.
I’m not a competitive person, and I certainly see the benefits of encouraging participation and rewarding good effort.  But after watching my daughter switch sides when she realized her tug-of-war team was losing, and then throwing a fit like a toddler after losing a balloon-popping game I realized that learning to lose is important too.
Learning to lose gracefully is important for several reasons, but perhaps the most important is that it is just part of life. Â Some of us lose a lot, some not so much, but none of us come out on top all the time. Â Teaching our kids that losing can be part of a happy life is an important lesson, as is encouraging them to get up and try again after a failure or loss.
When I played Candyland as a kid, my grandparents would always let me win. And I’d be happy and go about my day. My father, on the other hand, would play a fair game. And if I lost, there was a tantrum. A big, loud, end-of-the-world, foot-stomping tantrum.
I can see why my grandparents wanted to avoid the screampocalypse. But I’m fairly certain I learned a lot more from my dad’s technique. (I hope.)
It’s sad to hear the stories about schools cutting out non-competitive games or hosting events where everyone is a winner. Is it really doing more damage to kids? Are they going missing out on learning a really important life lesson?
And yes, that sounds like the coolest birthday ever. I’ m pretty sure my next one will need to include all you mentioned PLUS a sundae bar.
Thanks for your comment, Angel!
There are times when I too will do just about anything to avoid a “screampocalypse” but realize there are likely consequences in avoiding them all the time!
And I agree about the sundae bar – there’s always room for improvement 🙂
You are so right – game play is a wonderful way for kids to learn how to lose in a safe, supportive space. .. and learning how it fees to lose also helps children learn to empathize and be a gracious winner when the tables turn.
I actually just wrote about the life lessons kids and adults can gain from losing, would love to hear your thoughts! http://www.thinkfun.com/smartplayblog/?p=913
The “everyone gets a trophy” mentality sets kids up for unrealistic expectations… in life we DO win and lose, and preparing kids to ride these ups and downs from an early age, and in a fun play setting, is hugely beneficial.
Charlotte
Thanks for your comments. And thanks for bringing up how helping kids learn to lose, allows them to be better winners!