Americans Are Stressed…So What?

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The American Psychological Association released their annual Stress in America report today.  Not surprisingly, it found that Americans are pretty stressed. In their survey, they found that the average adult rated their stress a 5.1 on a scale of 1 to 10.  More noteworthy is that 42% of adults reported their stress has increased in the last 5 years, and 62% say they have tried to decreased their stress during that same time frame.

But the big finding from this year’s survey was stress in teens.  It appears to be on the rise, and currently rivals that of adults.

So why should we care?

We’re all stressed, right?

Life is tough, complicated – perhaps we all just need to buck up?

Hmmmm…

It’s something to think about.  But what concerns me is not so much the stress itself, but the effects of stress over the long term.  For example, did you know that prolonged stress can negatively affect every system of the body?  That’s right.  Stress not only affects our mood, our eating and our sleep patterns, but it can also affect our cardiovascular and musculoskeletal systems as well.  Reproduction, metabolism and even our cognitive abilities can also be negatively impacted by high levels of stress.

Yikes.

And when we start thinking about stress in kids and teens, the picture becomes even more worrisome.  If kids are reporting high levels of stress (5.8 in this survey) at a time when life is supposed to be relatively stress-free, what does that mean for the future?  Will their stress levels keep going up and up as life gets more complex (mortgages, jobs, marriages, their own kids)? How will their bodies respond to these high levels of chronic stress? What will that mean for the health care system?

It’s a lot to think about. Check back tomorrow for some coping strategies. In the meantime, check out the full Stress in America survey here.

 

 

How to Help a Depressed Friend

So many of us have been there: watching a family member or friend spiral into a pit of depression, addiction or anxiety.  It’s tough to watch, and even tougher to know how to help.  It can be tempting to either:

  • ignore them
  • tell them what to do and get mad when they don’t do it
  • talk to our other friends and family members about them

It’s clear to see that none of these options are useful, but not so clear to see what is.

Here’s where the American Psychological Association‘s newest YouTube video comes in.  The third in a series of the same weirdly-pill-shaped-characters, I think this spot is my favorite yet.  It tells the story of Clara, a spunky cat-loving-race-walker, who is concerned about her friend Tom.  He has had some trouble at work and has recently taken up drinking and sleepless nights.  Clara wants to help Tom, but isn’t sure how.  She tries a couple of tactics (see above, with the addition of involving his mother) and after some failures, slamming of doors, and screeching cats, she succeeds in helping him find professional assistance (with a Dr. Smith nonetheless!).

It can be hard to make psychology funny (for psychologists anyway). So I especially love the light-hearted and funny tone of this really informative clip.  Check it out:

5 Tips for Succeeding in Psychotherapy

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Psychotherapy is kind of a weird thing. You meet with someone you’ve never met, tell them all about yourself and learn nothing about them in return. Then you go back time and time again doing the same thing (and paying for it!) with the hope that you will feel better, change a little and become a happier person.

I think that’s therapy in a nutshell.

Of course there are lots of ways of doing therapy, lots of different kinds of therapists and certainly lots of different kinds of patients with different histories, problems and complaints.  But even with all these differences, I have found that there are a few common things that people can do to make psychotherapy successful:

Come because you want to.  People come to therapy for lots of different reasons, but I have observed that therapy works best if it is not forced onto someone, or a result of a coercion or threat (“I’m going to divorce you if you don’t see a shrink!”).  Now, this isn’t always true: sometimes folks are sentenced to therapy or treatment in the legal system, or for other reasons, and that treatment can be effective.  I’m just saying that typically therapy works best when people come of their own free will.  It’s hard to participate in the often difficult therapy process if you are not on board with it in the first place.

Give it a chance.  People seek mental health services because they are hurting. It makes sense that they want relief right away. Unfortunately, therapy doesn’t always work this way. Sometimes, in fact, dredging up old hurts can make your mood worse for a time. It can take 2, 3, 4 sessions until you feel relief. It’s hard to be patient, particularly when you’re struggling, but the payoff is worth it, as psychotherapy aims to create change that will last well after the treatment has ended.

Do something.  The therapy hour can be quite healing, but it takes more than that to find achieve success.  To make the best use of your treatment, work needs to be done outside of sessions, too.  Whether it’s keeping a journal, doing behavioral exercises prescribed by your therapist or simply doing some good, hard thinking about the content of your session – it’s not enough to just show up once a week.

Go often.  I don’t have a one-size-fits-all approach to session frequency, but I can tell you that the more often you attend sessions, the faster you will achieve your goals (most of the time, anyway).  There’s a lot to learn about a person, so when sessions are too infrequent (say once a month) it can be hard to learn all there is to learn, catch up on what’s happened since the last visit and then get to the meat of the appointment. Once a week is the typical frequency with which therapy sessions are held, and I think it’s for good reason – particularly when you are just starting treatment.  Once you have hit a groove and progress is being made, less frequent sessions may be an option.

Keep an open mind.  We go to therapy to change something about ourselves or our lives.  That means we will probably have to do some changing.  Granted, change is scary and difficult, but unless we are willing to do some things differently, therapy just won’t work.  Now, that can mean thinking about things in new ways, changing our actual behaviors or interacting with others in alternate ways – but the fact is: in order for psychotherapy to be successful there has to be some room for modification.

Is it time to seek therapy? Check out these tips for deciding.

 

Making the Healthy Choice the Easy Choice

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I recently wrote an article for the fantastic non-profit organization LiveWell Colorado.  If you are not familiar with them, take a look:

LiveWell Colorado

The article I contributed was about making healthy choices easy.  Here’s a bit of it:

We all know what we should do: eat more fruits and veggies; drink more water and less soda; move our bodies more and look at screens less.  The challenge is putting this knowledge into action and making healthy choices each day.

So, how do we make the healthy choices the easy ones?

Give yourself a chance.  If there is cake in my house I will eat it.  All of it. I know it’s not healthy, but cake and I have a serious love affair going on.  It’s not possible to say no if frosting is anywhere near me, so instead I keep it far away (except on special occasions, of course). We all have foods that call to us, so why keep them nearby?  To give yourself the best chance of making healthy choices, minimize the unhealthy options in your pantry.

For more ideas about making healthy choices easy, check out the rest of the article here.

Video Game Detox

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There has been a lot in the news about video game and internet addiction.  From the controversy surrounding internet/technology addiction NOT being included in the latest edition of the DSM (for the record, I think it should have been), to the first inpatient treatment program for internet addiction opening in Pennsylvania, to this most recent video showing a boot-camp-style detox program for “internet addicts” in China.

The video is worth watching, it literally brought tears to my eyes watching these young men suffer.

But the real question is, is it necessary? Do we really need detox programs for internet addiction?

China seems to think so…and that makes me wonder if the US isn’t far behind.

What do you think?

Mentors: Good for Your Mental Health

Do you have a mentor?

What I mean is, do you have someone you look up to? Learn from? Seek advice from?clock

Mentors can be parents, friends, teachers or colleagues, because we can use mentors in just about any aspect of our lives. In my last post I wrote about women I look up to. I have other parents I consider mentors, and have a quite a few psychologists I consider professional mentors as well.

So, why are they important? In her book Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg spoke about the importance of mentors from the business side of life, but I’m thinking more about their importance in terms of mental health.

They help us map the route of our lives. None of us like to wander through life without goals.  It doesn’t matter if they are big (launch the new Facebook) or small (finally finish knitting that sweater) – goals are important.  They give us purpose, and they also provide us with a sense of accomplishment once they’re reached.  Mentors can help us set and plan for life’s goals.

They provide perspective.  It’s easy to get bogged down in the ups and downs of everyday life.  Mentors help us understand the big picture and what’s really important.  Hint: it’s probably not what we spend most of our time worrying about.

They give us hope.  We all want to know that everything works out in the end, we’ll be successful and happy, and life will be good.  Of course no one can guarantee these things will happen, but mentors can provide us with a real life success story to strive for. Some days are tough, and it sure is nice to be able to look up and see someone who is where you want to be, giving you a helping hand.

Not sure where to start?  Check out these tips for finding a mentor in just about any area of your life: business, personal – even recreation!

 

 

6 Steps to Becoming a Content Woman

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Do you know any content, happy women?

I know…no one is happy or content all the time.  But what I mean is, do you know any women you admire?  Look up to? Want to emulate? Learn from? Spend the day with?gerberas

I know a few.  And I’m not talking about women who just look good.  The ladies I’m talking about are the ones who seem happy, content and rarely frazzled.   They enjoy their children and partners (if they have them), and the other people and activities in their lives.  The women I admire have very different styles, religious persuasions, socioeconomic statuses and backgrounds.  Some of the women I admire are friends, others are friends of my mom’s, others I know even more distantly.

Here’s what these content women have in common:

They take time for themselves, without apology.  Whether it’s taking time to read, volunteer, quilt, workout or spend time with friends – the most “perfect” women carve out time – on a regular basis – for themselves.  They realize that in order to give to the people in their lives (their children, their partners, their co-workers) they need to be re-charged and filled up themselves.

They are engaged in something bigger than themselves.  The world is a big place, but sometimes we forget that.  By becoming involved in an organization or cause bigger than ourselves (church, environmental group, political cause, philanthropic organization) we get perspective on our own lives, problems and worries.

They limit media consumption.  Television, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, blogs, glossy magazines – they can be fun.  But they are sort of like donuts or whipped cream: fluffy confections meant to be consumed in small doses and only occasionally.  Any more often, and they become harmful and can literally weigh you down.  The women I admire recognize this.  They may glance at media periodically, but realize  that its potential negative effects must be carefully monitored.

They treat their bodies with respect. None of the women I admire are beauty queens, but they do care for their bodies – probably realizing that their health and well-being are big parts of what allow them to care for others.  Good food, regular activity and adequate sleep are all important pieces of respecting their bodies.  Regular haircuts and  clothes that fit their body and style may be a part of this too.

They are picky about how they spend their time.  Time is money whether you are a stay at home mom, an attorney or a taxi driver.  The problem is, most of us don’t treat it as such.  The women I admire are extremely frugal about how (and with whom!) they spend their time.  Not that they don’t relax – they do! – but they are planful and careful about how they do it.  They consider invitations before automatically saying yes (or no), are selective (but not snobby) about who they socialize with and rarely run around town (or their homes) without purpose.  They realize that their time and attention is valuable and budget it just as they would their finances.

They don’t complain about other women.  The idea for this article was born after reading some nasty articles – written by women – complaining about other women and how they earned their money, spent their time and raised their kids.  Upon reflection, I realized that I have rarely heard the women I admire complain or gossip about other women.  Whether they have these thoughts and bite their tongues, or have no critical thoughts at all, I’m not sure.  But either way I admire their focus on positive things that they can actually control.

 

 

Sexy exercise? One Way to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution

Image credit: Five Words

Image credit: Five Words

I use Grammarly’s Plagiarism Checker because who would I rather be, than me?

According to usa.gov losing weight and exercise are among the most popular New Year’s resolutions.  According to my 9 year old we should all stick to our resolutions because it will “make the world a better place.”  And according to me making and reaching personal goals can provide a good boost to self esteem and thus mental health.

But what happens when we find ourselves running out of steam when it comes to our “get fit” and “exercise more” and “be more active” resolutions and it’s only January 16th?

I’ve done quite a bit of thinking about this.  I want to offer some tips that are fresh and unique, as most of us already know the standard:

  • exercise with a buddy
  • find something you love to do
  • set small, attainable goals

While these are great pieces of advice, they’ve been shared a million times (and at least 3 or 4 times by me!).  So after searching my brain, my gym and those exercising around me I’ve come up with some new ideas to keep you moving in 2014:

Be someone you’re not.  In this post I wrote about the rush I got when I participated in a flash mob.  One of the things that was so exciting was that I felt like I was someone I’m not: a young dancer.  We can use this same idea when it comes to exercise.  Take Zumba for example.  This super-popular salsa dancing workout is not only fun and good exercise, but it also makes participants feel like they are young, hot, Latin Lovers with sex on their mind and on their hips.  Who doesn’t want to feel like that – if only for a moment?  And I’ve heard boot camp-style class participants say things like: “I feel like I’m a soldier” or “I can pretend I’m a professional athlete” during the intense workouts.

Who do you want to be?  A zenned-out yogi?  A Las Vegas showgirl? A prima ballerina? An NFL player? Let your fantasies dictate your workouts – and who knows who you might become.

Do something you shouldn’t.  I used to have US Weekly delivered to my office each week; but I stopped my subscription a couple of years ago when I determined that the magazine and its covers (about fat new moms, cheating spouses and boozy celebs) were not consistent with good mental health.  But here’s the thing: I miss it.  Like a creme-filled donut, I know the magazine isn’t good for me, but there are times I crave it anyway.

Here’s my trick: I let myself read trashy magazines ONLY when I am on the elliptical, stationary bike or treadmill.  My theory is, the good of the exercise cancels out the smut of the magazine and just like that all my problems are solved. phew.

Be a little bad.  Being a little bad can sometimes feel pretty darn good.  Incorporate this conundrum into your workout routine.  While working out, wear something a little risque, listen to music that is explicit but with a super-motivating beat or watch videos you wouldn’t want anyone else to see.  Why not? I bet the prospect of getting a glimpse of someone wearing those see-through Lulu Lemon pants steered quite a few people to yoga classes they wouldn’t have otherwise attended.

Be a little naughty, and those workout resolutions will be a lot easier to keep.

 

Helping Our Kids Be Kind

I recently posted an article over at Produce for Kids that included some simple tips for being kind to ourselves.  I also included some ideas about how to teach our kids to be kind to themselves.

It’s tough to hear a kid say negative things about others, but it can be heart-breaking to hear them criticize themselves.  Sure, none of us are perfect and we can all strive to be better.  But in order to do that we need healthy egos, resiliency and strength.

Here’s one of my tips:

Talk about the good things. Ask each person in your family to say one good thing about their day. This helps us to identify and focus in on positive experiences from the day. “I had fun playing soccer at recess” or “My lunch was extra-yummy” are all examples of good things you might say.

For more about showing kindness to yourself, and teaching kids kindness check out the full article at Produce for Kids.

PFK

Psychotherapy Myths: Busted

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Psychotherapy and counseling are more a part of our lives than ever.  They’re talked about in TV shows, movies, the local paper and social media. Statements like:

I need to go to therapy!
She’s so crazy, she needs a shrink!
He needs to tell his psychologist about that!

are said all the time.

The thing is, there are lots of myths about therapy, psychologists, and counseling out there.  I am going to take it upon myself to be the the mythbuster today.  Here goes:

If you have at least one good friend you can’t benefit from therapy.  Friends are awesome, and those who have one or two good ones are lucky.  However, friends and mental health professionals are not equal. Why? Because sometimes there are things we aren’t comfortable sharing with our friends and we can’t guarantee that our friends will keep our secrets like a psychologist will.  Furthermore, sometimes we have problems (alcohol addiction, marital woes, difficulty with parenting) that our friends aren’t prepared to help with.

Read more about why your best friend can’t be your therapist.

All of your time in therapy will be spent talking about your mother.  Our moms have a lot to do with who we are (or aren’t) but it doesn’t mean that all your time in therapy will be spent talking about her.  Sometimes therapy sessions involve delving into the past, but not always. Some folks come into my office with very specific, present-oriented goals and that can work out just fine – no mom-talk necessary!

Read more about innovations in psychotherapy over the years.

You’ll have to lie on a couch – and that’s just weird.  OK, I admit that I do have a couch in my office (though I prefer to call it a “sofa”) but folks rarely lie down.  Gone are those Freud-inspired days when patients rambled on while lying on a tufted velvet couch with the psychotherapist taking notes behind them. Sitting on comfortable chairs while looking at each other face to face is the norm these days – often with Starbucks or Diet Coke in hand.  Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Read more about what to expect in your first session with a psychologist.

If you see a psychologist you will be branded “crazy” and that label will follow you around forever.  This is a valid concern. We’re all worried about our privacy – perhaps now more than ever.  The good thing is, psychotherapy services and diagnoses are confidential (with a few exceptions).  It’s important to really understand confidentiality and how it relates to your treatment, how you pay for treatment, and to whom your records are released when you enter therapy.  Just ask your psychologist for an explanation on your first visit (even better: before you make an appointment).  As for the “crazy” diagnosis? There’s no such thing!

Read more about first steps to take after being diagnosed with a mental illness.

Seeing a psychologist means you’re weak and can’t handle your own problems.  “Handling our own problems” entails lots of different things, but from time to time it means asking for help.  Sometimes it means asking your neighbor to watch your kids while you have a date night, or feed your bird while you’re on vacation.  Other times it means asking for help with managing an addiction or anxious thoughts.  It takes a lot of strength to reach out – perhaps even more than continuing to go it alone.

Read more about whether your drinking is problematic.

If you see a psychologist they can read – then change – your thoughts at will.  Oh, if only I had that kind of power (picture me smirking Dr. Evil-style).  OK, in all seriousness, I can’t read your thoughts and I certainly can’t change them to fit my own version of “right” and “wrong”.  What I can do is be an attentive listener and help you become more aware of your own thoughts, behaviors and moods.  And the hope is that I can assist you in changing yourself in ways that feel genuine and beneficial to you.  No dark powers involved.

Read more about what your psychologist really thinks about you.

Are there myths that I forgot?

Things you’ve wondered about in terms of mental health treatment?

Let me know!