In my last post I talked about why losing is so important.  Today, I am offer some ideas about how to help your kids learn to lose.

• Play real games.  Candyland, tennis, Old Maid, Chutes and Ladders, basketball.  These are all games that have true winners and losers.  Include these games in your family time; along with activities where simply participating is the key (bike riding, painting, skateboarding, hiking, reading).
• Talk about the potential outcomes ahead of time.  For kids who aren’t accustomed to losing, it may be helpful to “prep” them on what to expect.  For example, “Angie, when we play Candyland one of us is going to win, and one is going to lose. “
• Be a good sport. Kids learn from their parents, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.  Monitor your own winning and losing behaviors.  Limit (or totally eliminate) your own bragging, complaining, and whining if this is what you expect from your kids.
• Let them pout. If losing is new to your kids, they may take it hard at first.  They may cry, pout, or act out.  After a few initial words of comfort (“You really gave some great effort” or “I know it didn’t end up how you wanted but I had a great time playing with you.”) give your kids space to feel the frustration of losing.

Losing is tough, but it is something we all need to learn to cope with as we make our way through the world.  Teaching your kids to lose (and win!) with grace and light-heartedness will serve them well as their games get more complex and competitive.

If you’re like me, you would sooner walk across hot coals that disappoint your kid’s teacher.  I know we can’t make everyone happy, but even that knowledge doesn’t keep me from trying to win over the hearts of my children’s teachers.  So how do people like us manage when we have made a HUGE blunder, a MONSTROUS faux pas, a GIGANTIC mistake…like…forget to bring snacks for the entire class on our assigned day?

• Take at least 5 deep breaths before doing something rash that you might later regret (for example, offer to pay off the building’s mortgage to cover up your shame).
• Realize that your forgetfulness will not likely affect your child’s longterm happiness or success in school.
• Accept the fact that you are not perfect and can’t possibly be expected to remember everything all the time – even if others expect it of you.
• Use the experience as an opportunity to talk to your family about taking age-appropriate responsibility for their own friends/school/activities/snacks/laundry/etc. Your kids might be able to handle more than you think.

So yet again I have set up a blog.  But I swear this time will be different. I am going to follow through this time; no making excuses, no coming up with “even better” ideas, no forgetting my password. I am committed and ready to write. I already have a bit of experience blogging for the American Psychological Association on their site, Your Mind. Your Body. – but to have the weight of an entire blog on my shoulders is new.

So what to do when you find yourself at the beginning of a new project, job, or situation with a goal in mind – but feel intimidated by the process?

Set up small, do-able goals. So for me I might make a goal of posting once a week, or twice a month.  Set up a series of small goals that have a good chance of actually happening.

Hold yourself accountable. To do this I am probably going to have to actually let people know about this blog and my goals for myself.  Hopefully with some other people encouraging you and keeping you true to your words, success will come more easily.

Don’t beat yourself up if you slip up.  There might be a week here or there that I can’t post.  Maybe I’m sick, my kids are sick, or I’m on vacation.  It’s important that we don’t get derailed by “failures,” but instead just keep on plugging away at achieving what we have set out to do.

So good luck with your goals, and I will do my best with mine! See you in the next post – which will definitely be happening.