Tag: dr stephanie smith

Helping Our Kids Be Kind

I recently posted an article over at Produce for Kids that included some simple tips for being kind to ourselves.  I also included some ideas about how to teach our kids to be kind to themselves.

It’s tough to hear a kid say negative things about others, but it can be heart-breaking to hear them criticize themselves.  Sure, none of us are perfect and we can all strive to be better.  But in order to do that we need healthy egos, resiliency and strength.

Here’s one of my tips:

Talk about the good things. Ask each person in your family to say one good thing about their day. This helps us to identify and focus in on positive experiences from the day. “I had fun playing soccer at recess” or “My lunch was extra-yummy” are all examples of good things you might say.

For more about showing kindness to yourself, and teaching kids kindness check out the full article at Produce for Kids.

PFK

Psychotherapy Myths: Busted

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Psychotherapy and counseling are more a part of our lives than ever.  They’re talked about in TV shows, movies, the local paper and social media. Statements like:

I need to go to therapy!
She’s so crazy, she needs a shrink!
He needs to tell his psychologist about that!

are said all the time.

The thing is, there are lots of myths about therapy, psychologists, and counseling out there.  I am going to take it upon myself to be the the mythbuster today.  Here goes:

If you have at least one good friend you can’t benefit from therapy.  Friends are awesome, and those who have one or two good ones are lucky.  However, friends and mental health professionals are not equal. Why? Because sometimes there are things we aren’t comfortable sharing with our friends and we can’t guarantee that our friends will keep our secrets like a psychologist will.  Furthermore, sometimes we have problems (alcohol addiction, marital woes, difficulty with parenting) that our friends aren’t prepared to help with.

Read more about why your best friend can’t be your therapist.

All of your time in therapy will be spent talking about your mother.  Our moms have a lot to do with who we are (or aren’t) but it doesn’t mean that all your time in therapy will be spent talking about her.  Sometimes therapy sessions involve delving into the past, but not always. Some folks come into my office with very specific, present-oriented goals and that can work out just fine – no mom-talk necessary!

Read more about innovations in psychotherapy over the years.

You’ll have to lie on a couch – and that’s just weird.  OK, I admit that I do have a couch in my office (though I prefer to call it a “sofa”) but folks rarely lie down.  Gone are those Freud-inspired days when patients rambled on while lying on a tufted velvet couch with the psychotherapist taking notes behind them. Sitting on comfortable chairs while looking at each other face to face is the norm these days – often with Starbucks or Diet Coke in hand.  Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Read more about what to expect in your first session with a psychologist.

If you see a psychologist you will be branded “crazy” and that label will follow you around forever.  This is a valid concern. We’re all worried about our privacy – perhaps now more than ever.  The good thing is, psychotherapy services and diagnoses are confidential (with a few exceptions).  It’s important to really understand confidentiality and how it relates to your treatment, how you pay for treatment, and to whom your records are released when you enter therapy.  Just ask your psychologist for an explanation on your first visit (even better: before you make an appointment).  As for the “crazy” diagnosis? There’s no such thing!

Read more about first steps to take after being diagnosed with a mental illness.

Seeing a psychologist means you’re weak and can’t handle your own problems.  “Handling our own problems” entails lots of different things, but from time to time it means asking for help.  Sometimes it means asking your neighbor to watch your kids while you have a date night, or feed your bird while you’re on vacation.  Other times it means asking for help with managing an addiction or anxious thoughts.  It takes a lot of strength to reach out – perhaps even more than continuing to go it alone.

Read more about whether your drinking is problematic.

If you see a psychologist they can read – then change – your thoughts at will.  Oh, if only I had that kind of power (picture me smirking Dr. Evil-style).  OK, in all seriousness, I can’t read your thoughts and I certainly can’t change them to fit my own version of “right” and “wrong”.  What I can do is be an attentive listener and help you become more aware of your own thoughts, behaviors and moods.  And the hope is that I can assist you in changing yourself in ways that feel genuine and beneficial to you.  No dark powers involved.

Read more about what your psychologist really thinks about you.

Are there myths that I forgot?

Things you’ve wondered about in terms of mental health treatment?

Let me know!

Happy (Healthy) New Year!

cute cuties

I don’t know about you but but December 31st each year I am super-ready for some healthy eating after a month of splurges, parties and cookies galore. I wrote some tips for “getting back in the healthy saddle” over at LiveWell Colorado.

And I will be putting those tips in place right after I go to that party tonight, then make that delicious french toast tomorrow, then have that big pasta dinner to celebrate New Year’s Day – well, maybe on the 2nd 🙂

Here’s a teaser:

After a long couple of months of parties, holiday cookies and all other manner of food indulgences, January 1st can be a time to “get back in the healthy saddle.” Some of us look forward to going back to the routine of work, school, exercise and more moderate food intake; but others of us can struggle to give up the sweets and treats that have been so abundant since Halloween.

So how can you return to (or start) healthy and sustainable eating and exercise habits in the new year?

One step at a time.

It can be tempting to set lofty goals like exercising everyday, never eating dessert and giving up soda on January 1. But for most of us, setting multiple, large goals at once just isn’t realistic.

To increase your chance of success, try setting one or two small, manageable goals at a time. For example, take a walk two times per week, and limit sodas to once per day. Once you have achieved your initial goals, add more – eventually you will get to where you want to be.

Read the rest of the article at LiveWell Colorado.

Healthy Pancakes for the Holidays

We have 3 days to go until Christmas and I am already on junk food/sugar cookie/artichoke dip overload.  So when my kids had a sleepover this weekend, I couldn’t bear to consume one more sugary, unhealthy meal.  Luckily these girls were game for a breakfast that didn’t come in a box, so we headed over to the Produce for Kids website and chose these Nutty Apple Pancakes.

I’m a big pancake fan, and we already had most of the ingredients so we gave it a go.

Here’s how it went:

Mixing the dry ingredients

Mixing the dry ingredients

Eggs!

Eggs!

Putting is all together

Putting it all together

This recipe was great because it included some new, unique flavors.

This recipe was great because it included some new, unique flavors – and doesn’t it look pretty?

Good to the last bite!

Good to the last bite!

Nutty Apple Pancakes were a big hit with this crew.  Check out the recipe here.  To learn more about Produce for Kids, or to find more of their kid-friendly, delicious and healthy recipes check out their website.

10 Thumbs Up!

10 Thumbs Up!

 

Do you need some last minute ideas for holiday snacks? Looks at these!

PFK

Keeping It Real at Christmas

I recently received a Christmas card with the following note:

After reading your last blog entry I couldn’t resist sending you a copy of our Christmas card.  It is a far cry from Martha Stewart, but it should give you a good laugh.

Here it is:

Christmas Card

Seriously, how darling is that family?

Here’s the real-life, not-perfect, but super-cute story behind the photo:

We decided that our Christmas card needed some explanation this year:  
Let’s just say there were hopes and dreams of the “perfect family photo” for this card.  

About 10 minutes into our photo secession, son #1 found a section of perfectly flat, bright green, artificial turf.  

Naturally, he decided to run onto the grass…only to find that it was not.  

Imagine his surprise as the carpet of pond scum parted as he fell face first into the water.
This photo was candidly taken right after pulling him out.  

It describes life with 3 children perfectly!

 Merry Christmas!

Thanks so much for sharing, Mandy! Your Christmas card certainly shows us that real and honest – along with it’s accompanying scum – makes for the most memorable (and sincere) holiday greetings!

Why I Hate the Holidays (Hint: It’s the Most Stress-filled Time of the Year)

no turkey

Sorry to be a downer, but I find the holiday season to be the most stressful and unpleasant time of the year.  Each year at this time, I find myself daydreaming of far away beaches, mountains, deserts, plains – anywhere that would provide an escape from the stressors of the holidays at home.

Many folks have very good reason to find the holiday season difficult: the death of a loved one, the break-up of a marriage, the loss of a job.  These painful events can make the holidays excruciating for people, and I don’t want to discount the real-ness of their pain.  But their are also other – albeit less tragic – aspects of the holidays that can make them a struggle for people as well.

Our families don’t change.  Very few of us have “perfect” families.  Awkward blended families, alcoholic uncles, inappropriate in-laws – we all have at least one family member that drives us crazy – or worse.  But for some reason, many of us expect that our families will be magically transformed after Halloween and become the happy, smiling, super-functional families we see on cookie tins and Christmas cards.  Well, hope all you want folks but the family you started the year with is the same one you’re stuck with now – maybe even worse.

There’s only one Martha Stewart.  Ms. Stewart started a wave of domestic arts that seems to be reaching a fever pitch with the growing use of Pinterest, Etsy and similar sites.  I have to admit, I do love crafts and all things Martha, but the pressure to look perfect while serving the perfect meal in the perfect house while your perfect children are doing a perfect craft is overwhelming, and quite frankly impossible to achieve.  There’s is only one Martha Stewart people – and you are not her.

A lot of traditions are dumb.  <—– OK, that wasn’t a very mature sentence, but it’s true.  Roasting a turkey on Thanksgiving because it’s “tradition?”  Ick.  I can be just as thankful (and a whole lot more gastronomically satisfied) with a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs.  So why do I stress out about making a bird every year? Beats me.  Sure, there are a few, very meaningful traditions in my family which I love – but what I would really love is to ditch the dumb ones that drag me down and make the holidays drudgery.

They’re so darn long.  Why, oh why do we need to start celebrating one holiday after another with no break whatsoever starting on October 15th?  Seriously, two and a half months of anything will get old.  And the holidays are no different.  The retail chains and box stores may be a lost cause when it comes to shortening the holiday season, but at least I can resist celebrating Christmas until at least December.  Better yet, December 24th.

Bah humbug.

Click here for more tips for managing holiday stress.

Click here for more about why the holidays are tough.

Click here for more about surviving the holidays with flair.

 

 

 

7 Things Depressed Kids (and Their Parents) Need to Know

Dr. Deboarh Serani

Dr. Deborah Serani

Today I am welcoming Dr. Deborah Serani as a guest blogger! I recently reviewed Dr. Serani’s newest book, Depression and Your Child, which provides valuable information to parents, caregivers, teachers – really anyone who knows and loves kids – about depression in kids; including how to spot it and how to help. I am thrilled to have her guest post for me today, Welcome Dr. Serani!

Read on for 7 Things Depressed Kids (and Their Parents) Need to Know:
1. Understand the texture of feelings:  Many children in this era of super technology aren’t skilled at reading facial cues, understanding eye contact and  complex emotions. Studies show that children with depression struggle further, however, having difficulty differentiating the differences between different kinds of emotions. Sad is different than lonely. Lonely is different disappointed. Often, depressed children need help understanding the textures of emotions. When they become confident identifying their feelings, they can set into motion the best plan of action to improve their mood.

2. How to spot negative thinking: I like to teach children about the quality of their thoughts by using a thumbs up and thumbs down technique. Is what you’re thinking a good thought….one that would get a thumbs up from other people? “I studied for my test. But if I get a bad grade, it’s okay because I know I tried my best.” Or is it a hurtful or negative? One that really is untrue and realistic.  “It doesn’t matter if I studied. I’m stupid and I’ll fail the test anyway.”  Teaching children to catch the negative talk helps them approach every issue in life from a place of positivity.

3. How to use positive self-care: Learning to live with depression requires a child to be clever and ever-ready to use soothing ways to address sad moods. I find reminding children to use their 5 senses – sight, touch, hearing, taste and smell – really helps. Things like cozying up to a stuffed animal, hugging loved ones, snacking on healthy, flavorful foods, taking in the fresh air, listening to upbeat music and making time to see colors, nature and sunshine. All of these raise dopamine and serotonin levels improving mood, and teach children how to self-soothe.
4. Why exercise is important: The fatigue that comes with depression leaves kids tired and irritable. Physical complaints like aches and pains also knock them out for the count. When we take the time to teach children about the importance of physical exercise, it will become part of a lifelong skill-set. Be it playing tag with friends or catch with the dog, swimming or riding a bike, kick-boxing or yoga, or a simple walk, the shift in neurochemistry boosts mood.

5.  When too much of something isn’t good. It’s vital for kids to learn how too much of anything can upset the apple cart. For example, the fatigue of depression can leave children tired, with many prone to sleeping all day. Instead, children should learn that a nap is better than a full-on sleepfest. Some depressed children eat in excess, while others lose their appetite altogether. Both of these extremes are unhealthy. Too much crying, too much avoidance or too much irritability raises the stress hormone cortisol, which heightens anxiety and alertness. When we teach children to monitor their experiences with healthy limits, we give them the ability to balance and self-manage their well-being. Daily stickers for young ones and journaling for the older set can teach children how to better monitor symptoms and moods.

6.  Know the difference between a bad day and a sad mood: When depressed kids learn how to measure the moment, they learn that a sad mood doesn’t have to ruin a day. However, if they can’t shake off the sad mood – and the rest of the day feels like an epic fail, it’s great for kids to know that a bad day doesn’t equal a bad life. Tomorrow is a new day. One to be measured for its own value.

7.  How to let others know you need help. When children are depressed, they often don’t know how to reach out for support. Their fatigue and irritability dulls problem solving skills. Others might not feel they deserve help or would rather isolate themselves from family or friends. Depressed children need to know that everyone needs help now and then – and that no one can …or should… handle everything alone. I like to teach children to communicate their needs verbally and non-verbally. With words, through crying, by touch – it’s okay to show you others that you’re having a tough time.