Ready Campers? It’s Time to Improve Your Mental Health

Now doesn't that look like fun? Photo Credit

Now doesn’t that look like fun?
Photo Credit

I loved camp as a kid. Girl Scout camp, YMCA day camp, overnight camp: I did it all and loved (almost) every minute of it. I’m sure my fond memories of being a camper contribute to my enthusiasm for camp as an adult and parent. But it’s when I am wearing my psychologist hat that I am most enthusiastic about the benefits of summer camp for kids:

Learning new (and unusual?) things.  Not all kids thrive in the traditional school environment.  In addition, some don’t find a true passion amongst the classes and clubs offered there.  Summer camps can provide an opportunity for kids to explore a new interest.  Some of the most interesting offerings I’ve seen in my area include show choir camp, Mine Craft camp, and Egyptian history camp. Who knew?

Staying in the groove.  The often-times relaxed schedules of summer can be wonderful, but we don’t want our kids’ brains to waste away too much!  A few hours at a camp helps their minds (and bodies) stay active, and oftentimes makes it easier to transition back to school schedules when fall comes around.

Living outside the cliques.  Even if your kiddo doesn’t struggle with “friend issues,” summer camps can be a great opportunity to interact with kids from other schools, backgrounds, interests and abilities.  This can often be a welcome relief from living in the cliques or groups in which they normally reside.

Practicing social skills.  Learning how to meet people, make friends, and interact in unfamiliar settings are critical life skills. Summer camps can be great, low-risk opportunities to work on these things. Pushing ourselves slightly outside of our comfort zones can very often be a wonderful thing!

Want to sign your child up for camp but feel worried about how you’ll cope? Check out the American Psychological Association’s article on managing summer camp worries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer Vacation: Plugged or Un-plugged?

Have you taken your summer vacation yet? If not, you may find yourself pondering this very question: Should I stay plugged in, or go all-in and un-plug the world? I was having this debate conversation just last night.  Are vacations better if they are completely un-plugged? Is it even possible?  Will my vacation be more beneficial if I don’t check my email, voicemail, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and beyond?

What about when I return: Will the re-entry to my “real” life be more difficult if I have a week or two worth of messages waiting for me?

Here’s my take:

Vacations come in all shapes and sizes.  There’s the quick weekend getaway, the family reunion trip, the sightseeing/cultural trip, the boy scout camping trip, the Disney World trip and the long, lazy summer trip.  It might be no big deal to stay plugged in (meaning checking voicemail, email, etc) on short trips like weekend getaways.  In fact, staying plugged in to the “real world” might be the only thing that gets you through kid-focused trips (like to Disney) and can provide excellent excuses for escape on family reunion trips.

Camping trips and long, lazy summer trips are different in my book.  These vacations should most certainly be experienced un-plugged.  These types of trips are meant to be savored and should be a complete change of pace from your normal life. We can’t be expected to truly un-wind, re-group, and relax if we are constantly updating Facebook or responding to customer inquiries.  Sand castles and s’mores are meant to be relished – and who can do that while responding to email?

How do you decide whether or not to un-plug?

Making Summer Simple

Screen shot 2013-06-07 at 11.28.11 AM

The “lazy days of summer” I referred to in my last post don’t seem to be coming around as quickly as I would have liked.  Instead, I am having some “crazy days of summer” – running around too fast, too far, and missing perfectly good summer days around here!  In thinking about how to slow down and capture those delicious, slow, long days of summertime I have been compiling a list of ideas.  Thoughts about how we can all slow down and enjoy this season:

  • Check email less often.  Maybe just once in the morning and once at night will do?
  • Instead of posting about your comings and goings on Facebook – get offline and actually experience them! Consider implementing media-free days for yourself
  • Go to the library and stock up on books: fiction, non-fiction, coffee table books, magazines.  Having lots of reading (and “looking”) material on hand might encourage you to actually sit down and relax!
  • Make eating easy.  Check out my post on healthy summer eating.  For some simple summertime recipes check out Produce for Kids.
  • Say no.  Showers, parties, open houses, and birthday celebrations can be fun – but they can eat up time like nobody’s business.  Be picky about how your spend your time and practice saying “no thank you” if need be.
  • Keep a list of fun activities handy.  I’ve known several families who keep a list of fun, relatively easy activities nearby so if they are ever at a loss of things to do, they can simply check their list.  Ideas might include: a local hike, a trip to the zoo, a picnic in the park, pizza at the pool (one of my faves), a midnight movie, and so on.
  • Do something new.  It’s so easy to get into ruts and routines so rigid that we never try new things.  Summer, with its zillions of activities, can be a wonderful time to try new things.  Pickleball, anyone?

 

Healthy Eating Over Summer Break

1 Comment

Holy cow! It must be summer, because time is flying by and I am way behind on my blogging! While I wait for the “lazy” part of summer to arrive (rather than the super-harried, running around, getting used to new schedules summer that I’m in now) – here is an article I wrote for Produce for Kids.  I provide some tips for maintaining healthy eating habits while school’s out.  The folks at Produce for Kids provide some yummy, easy, and fresh recipes for summertime. Enjoy!Screen shot 2013-05-30 at 9.32.32 AM

Mental Health Blog Day Update

Yesterday was APA’s Mental Health Blog Day.  They did a great job of rounding up some great bloggers to dedicate posts to mental health.  Some of the bloggers are health writers, some not – but either way there was some great information shared! Check it out:

Screen shot 2013-05-16 at 9.46.23 AM

Some of my faves:

How clever are these blog titles? I just love discovering new, creative and entertaining bloggers.  For a full list of Mental Health Blog Day participants click here.

Oh! And you can see my contribution to the party here: Mental Health Isn’t All Sadness and Worry; Doom and Gloom

Mental Health Isn’t All Sadness and Worry; Doom and Gloom

2 Comments

I'm Blogging for Mental Health.

Today is Mental Health Blog Day over at the American Psychological Association (APA).  APA is rounding up lots of terrific blog posts and articles all about mental health.  This is a great place to learn more about diagnosis, treatment, resources, and what it is like to live with a mental illness.  All of this information is useful and necessary, but I think sometimes we forget that mental health can be fun – and funny – too.

For example, the blog Hyperbole and a Half has recently dealt with the issue of debilitating depression.  Yes, this is a serious topic.  And yes, it is tough to read the author’s description of her extremely low mood and long periods of helplessness and hopelessness.  But, the post is also pretty light-hearted and even funny in some sections.

Mental health and humor are two things that can be tough to combine, but there are places where the combination can be found: the TV show Monk, any of David Sedaris’ books, Chato Stewart’s mental health humor cartoons.

Creating mental health can be a good time – and it doesn’t always entail lying on a couch blaming your mother for your unhappy marriage, or taking a handful of pills everyday.  While therapy and psychiatric medication may be a piece of mental health care for some of us; many of us can find it on our own.  Gardening, baking, collecting gnomes, reading mysteries, brewing beer, playing chess in the park – these can all be ways to create and maintain good mental health.

How do you have fun while working on your mental health?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are We Giving Too Much Advice?

Screen shot 2013-05-14 at 5.59.33 PM

There is advice everywhere I look. From the psychology and health related blogs I read (“How to Keep Your Kids Safe This Summer!” “10 Steps to Being a More Engaged Mom!”) to the home improvement blogs I enjoy (“How To Rip Out Carpet!” “Painting Your Deck with Ease!”) to the healthy living/fitness blogs I skim (“Cut Out Gluten for a Flatter Stomach!” “Train for a Marathon This Summer!”).  I have to admit I have reached my breaking point when it comes to reading advice.

Who are these advice-givers anyway?  And do they follow their own advice?  Can any of us really be expected to do all these things we’re “supposed” to do?

I know, I know, my blog is full of tips, advice, strategies too.  And believe me, sometimes I read my own words and they sound a bit like blah blah blahhhhhhhh to me as well.

Do you ever feel like you are being bombarded with advice? How do you cope? How do you choose what to tune out?

Advice, tips, coping strategies are all great things. But just like everything else: moderation is key. With that, I will follow my own advice and not offer any today.

 

Chores: Start Them Early And Often

I am a big fan of giving kids chores, and lots of them.  Chores can help kids feel involved, and help parents feel like they are not alone in the care and running of the household.  Chores also give kids a sense of responsibility and accomplishment.  Granted, assigning chores can come with some serious opposition and digging in of heels, but by expecting involvement from a young age, the arguments over chores can be diminished.  Once established, a good family chore routine can make everyone’s life a little easier.

I think many of us parents are guilty of under-estimating what our kids are capable of doing. We assume that they can’t cook, clean up, or put their clothes away just because they don’t do it of their own free will.  Well, of course they don’t! Who doesn’t want to be waited on like royalty?  The problem is, part of becoming a self-sufficient adult (which is the end-goal of childhood) is learning how to do those things for yourself.  So, I say: start chores early and often.

As soon as kids are able to walk and understand a bit of what you say, you can start asking them to put things away.  Of course, it won’t happen right away, but starting in early toddlerhood gets both you and your little one in some good habits.

Lori Gottlieb recently wrote about how she “outsources” chores to her young son.  For ideas on how she does it, check out her article in Working Mother Magazine

Here are some other ideas for tasks little ones can do:

  • Help change laundry from washer to dryer, etc
  • Bring dirty clothes basket to the laundry room
  • Help unload the dishwasher
  • Empty trashcans
  • Make their bed
  • Put away their laundry
  • Set the table
  • Water houseplants
  • Assist in bringing in groceries from the car
  • Get the newspaper and/or mail
  • Put away their own toys
  • Sweep the floor
  • Wipe down the dinner table
  • Feed the family pets
  • Help pack their own lunches

 

 

Mis-matched socks? Crazy hair? It doesn’t make you a bad mom!

Photo: my-little-emo.com

Photo: my-little-emo.com

Several months ago I was interviewed for this story over on Baby Zone about how to deal with clothing battles.  Honestly, this is one of my favorite topics, because almost everyone deals with it at one time or another.

Whether your kids refuse to wear clothes with itchy tags, never take off their sweat pants, insist on wearing short shorts in a snowstorm, hate anything without glitter, hate anything with glitter, refuse to have their hair brushed – we have ALL been there!  Battling over clothing just comes with the territory of parenthood.

Granted, battling teens over their choice of clothing is quite different from battling a preschooler, but the battle will come at one time or another.  That’s why getting started on a good path early can help down the road.  For a bunch of ideas, check out the Baby Zone article.  Here are my top suggestions:

Understand that your child’s clothing choices are not a reflection of your parenting skills.  I know great parents whose kids always look a little mis-matched.  But they are not loved – or parented – any less than any other kid.  It’s just that their parents have allowed them to make their own choices about clothing, and don’t insist on perfect hair before leaving the house.  They choose to focus their energies on other things like homework and family fun time.

Pick out one or two non-negotiables and forget about the rest.  Some families feel strongly about modesty in clothing, others may feel uncomfortable with certain labels or words on clothes.  My family? As long as it’s clean, it’s OK.  Once you figure out 1-2 rules about clothing, share them with your kids and don’t waiver.  But be sure to let the other things go.  For example: It’s 25 degrees outside and snowing, but she wants to wear a size-too-small sundress with shorts underneath, and heels on her feet? Well, as long as it’s clean…

Embrace the creativity.  Kids and teens often crave a way to exert some control over their worlds.  Clothing can provide an opportunity to do just that.  Instead of fighting their urge to be creative and gain some control in the world, embrace it.  Engage them in conversation about their clothing choices, and encourage their creativity.  Empower them in their wardrobe choices by teaching them how to do their own laundry, take them to a second hand clothing store, and expose them to sewing and fashion.

For more ideas, check out the full article:

Screen shot 2013-05-02 at 2.18.14 PM

 

A Psychologist’s Take on Leaning In

Screen shot 2013-04-25 at 4.24.13 PM

I’m going to do it: I’m going to join the throng and add my two cents about the much-talked-about the book Lean In.  First a little back story:

Sheryl Sandberg is the COO of Facebook.  She is extraordinarily successful on many fronts: financially, professionally, socially, and it seems from her book that she also has a happy, loving family (she is married and has two youngish kids).  Ms. Sandberg decided to write this book after giving a series of talks  about why women haven’t achieved more in the highest levels of business and government.  Take a look at her TED talk.

It seems like she was hoping this book would allow her a platform to flush out her ideas about “women, work, and the will to lead” more thoroughly.  Some are calling this book a new “feminist manifesto,” a modern day Vindication of the Rights of Women (I love that book!) or the Feminine Mystique (I like that one, too).

Here’s the thing: a beautifully written call to arms to American women this book is not.  It’s not a highly-intellectualized, academic work about the role of women either.  In fact, it is a super-readable, totally understandable book that outlines, chapter by chapter, the things that women (and men) do to keep true equality in the workplace from being realized.  More specifically, why women aren’t “sitting at the table” in more board rooms and places of real power.

There were a few things I loved about this book:

  • I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  For the few days I was reading this book I found myself thinking about it while I was reading it, in the morning when I woke up, and while I was eating my sandwich at lunch.  It wasn’t that I was eager to get back to reading it, it’s just that it really made me think.  Unfortunately I was never really able to articulate what it was making me think about, or what I really thought about her message.  It is a rare thing for me to be tongue-tied, but this book left me just that.  What does that mean exactly? I’m not sure, but I do know that if people are talking/thinking about your work you must be doing something right.
  • Her passion.  Ms. Sandberg clearly has a passion for women and leadership.  Her energy and dedication to her own professional achievement, and now the achievement of other women is impressive.  While I’m not convinced that her book will spark another wave of feminism, I think hers is an important voice in our culture right now.  I am hopeful that young women will read her book and consider her ideas.
  • Her sound bites.  Ms. Sandberg offers up a few motivational passages that reportedly hang on the office walls of Facebook.  My favorite: Done is better than perfect.  So many of us get hung up on perfection (which of course is elusive) that we don’t get much done.  Ms. Sandberg is clearly someone who gets LOTS done, and it’s nice to know that she doesn’t expect perfection.
  • Her honesty.  While reading the first two-thirds of the book, I kept wondering when she was going to talk about dealing with other women.  Meaning: the moms in the school drop-off line who think she is a b*$#ch and a terrible mom.  I can hear the parking lot posse now: “She’s never home!” “She’s so full of herself” and “Why did she even bother to have kids if she’s not going to be the one to raise them?”  Finally, on page 167 she writes about this issue:

Stay-at-home mothers can make me feel guilty and, at times, intimidate me.  There are moments when I feel like they are judging me, and I imagine there are moments when they feel like I am judging them.  But when I push past my own feelings of guilt and insecurity, I feel grateful.  These parents – mostly mothers – constitute a large amount of the talent that helps sustain our schools, nonprofits, and communities.

There was something I didn’t love about this book, too:

  • It made me tired.  This just about sums up my feeling about the book as a whole.  The entire time I was reading it I felt tired and like a huge slacker.  Ms. Sandberg has clearly accomplished a lot professionally, and has done so through hard work and long hours.  She wants to see other women do this too.  She wants us “sitting at the table” and participating more equally at the highest levels of business and government.  I whole-heartedly agree.  The only problem was that I was so worn out just by reading her book, I was left with zero energy to change the world into a better place.  I am pretty sure that Ms. Sandberg wouldn’t accept tiredness as an excuse for not “leaning in” to my career, or not helping other women do so; unfortunately it’s all I’ve got.

When I asked a colleague whether she had read “Lean In,” she replied no, that she needed to do more “leaning out” in her life.  I didn’t ask her what she meant because I think I already know.  So many of us women (and men, to be fair) are so busy working, caring for children and parents, volunteering, exercising, paying bills, and squeezing in a few hours sleep that changing the gender dynamics around us just falls off the to-do list.

As I was really starting to feel lousy about how little I do in comparison to Ms. Sandberg in the fight for gender equality, I received this email from her “team” in response to an interview request I sent:

Screen shot 2013-04-25 at 4.20.08 PM

Looks like Ms. Sandberg does a little leaning out, too.

 

 

To read more about Lean In, Ms. Sandberg’s non-profit dedicated to supporting women click here.