Back to School Stress Busters

Back to school clothes.  Back to school supplies.  Back to school parties.  They’re everywhere!  This time of year, you can’t escape the fact that it’s back to school time.  For some of us it’s a time of rejoicing.  For others of us (me) it’s a time of sadness (I always hate to see summer go).  For many it’s a time of stress and worry.

Back to school stress can arise for many reasons:

  • The start of a new school
  • Struggles with friends
  • Trouble with academics
  • Difficulty with classroom behavior
  • Hatred of homework
  • Fears of a new teacher

The good news is, many back to school worries can be managed in the days and weeks before the first day.  Here are some tips:

Practice the first day.  Many of us worry about the unknown. So why not take the guess work out of the first day? Pick out an outfit, get the back pack ready, make a trial lunch and drive to school – just to see what it will be like on the big day.  Many schools even allow nervous students a sneak peak into their classrooms before the official first day of school.  I often recommend this to families, as getting a glimpse of the school, classroom and teacher can do a world of good to the stressed-out student.

Talk about it.  This is one almost seems too easy to actually work – but it does!  Many of us hold in our fears and worries, allowing them to fester and grow.  Instead, allow your student a chance to talk through their thoughts about going back to school.  You might be surprised about what they are worried and excited about!

Keep expectations in check.  While having high and clear expectations can be a wonderful thing, going over them and over them right before school begins might be a breeding ground for stress.  Instead, enjoy the last few days of summer before hammering out expectations for homework, grades and extracurriculars.

For more tips on conquering back to school stress, check out these articles:

Back to School Lunches

Back to School Blues

Back to School Worries

 

 

 

Coping With the Death of a Pet

Pet owners know that losing a dog, cat, parakeet or pig can be devastating.  The process of grieving a pet can be similar to the process one goes through after losing a human friend or companion. There are a few differences, of course, but pet lovers know that the pain is very real.  I was recently interviewed about pet loss and how the reactions of those around us can affect the situation in a really powerful way.

Comforting, supportive and understanding friends can make the process easier to bear.

Dismissive words and lack of compassion from family and friends can quickly turn the grief into anger and hurt.  I spoke to Dogster.com about how to cope with friends who don’t seem to understand grief after the loss of a pet (hint: knowing how to talk to a grieving friend is always tough, no matter what – or who – the grief is about).

Take a look:

Dogster.com August 2014

Dogster.com August 2014

Want more info on grieving the loss of a pet? Check out this article I wrote over at APA.

Back To School Lunches

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My friends over at Produce for Kids have a really cool thing going as we head back to school.  Here’s the scoop:

The new Power Your Lunchbox Pledge by Produce for Kids®, launching August 11 and running through September 15, encourages parents to pack healthier lunchboxes for their kids this back-to-school season. Visitors to poweryourlunchbox.com can pledge to pack healthier lunchboxes; get RD-approved, kid-friendly lunchbox ideas and tips; and download coupons from companies supporting the program.
 
For every pledge that families or individuals take, participating produce companies will make a 25 cent donation to DonorsChoose.org to fund health and wellness classroom projects around the country. Additionally, Define Bottle will be providing DonorsChoose.org with 20 percent of each sale during the pledge time frame.

Check out some of these yummy-looking lunch ideas:

Need more lunch ideas? Check out Produce for Kids. Want to take the pledge for healthier lunches? Click here.

Happy eating!

Social Media 101: Parent Edition

I think parenting has always been a tough job, but these days the blistering-fast changes in technology have made it more (at least intellectually) challenging than ever before.

I often talk about the dilemma like this: When I was growing up there was no such thing as cell phones, the internet or Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat so I can’t call my mom and ask her questions like…

At what age did you let me get a Twitter account?

Did you “friend” my boyfriends on Facebook?

How much time is too much time on YouTube for a 10 year old?

…to help me make good parenting decisions for my own family.

And it’s a huge bummer that I can’t ask her because that’s how so much of parenting is done: remembering how we were parented and/or asking our own parents for advice.  But that doesn’t work anymore because technology changes so rapidly that the parenting rules of just a few years ago now seem antiquated.  Remember when we used to say…

Keep the family computer in a public place like the kitchen so you can monitor your kids’ usage.

…Ugh. That’s so 2004. And totally irrelevant.

It can be hard to keep up with the changes and the apps/sites/outlets that kids are frequenting.  I just saw this sort of funny, sort of serious description of the tops sites and how kids use them.  Take a look:

Ending Friendships…Good for Mental Health?

Friends are the best.  They give us a shoulder to cry on and someone to laugh with.  But friends can also be a drain, a stress and a strain on our mental health and happiness.  Like any relationship, friendships can have their ups and downs.  Periods of closeness, arguments and distance aren’t uncommon.  But what happens when a friend starts causing you stress and strain all the time, for months and years on end?  Is it OK to end a friendship?

Break up with your BFF?

Absolutely.

Just like romantic relationships, not all friendships are meant to last forever. Some friendships flourish in the workplace, and then flounder when one person moves on to another job.  Other friendships grow quickly during shared experiences (during summer camp or a birthing class) and then die out when that time is over.

So how do you know when a friendship has run its course? What’s the right time to pull the plug?

You don’t feel good after you come home.  After spending time with friends, we usually feel good: happy and light-hearted..  But there are times when we feel down or sad after a date with our friends.  This can happen when she tells us bad news or that’s she’s moving across the country.  Close friends can even share each other’s pain in a very real way.  For example, when your dear friend tells you she’s divorcing.  That’s all to be expected in the course of a friendship.  What’s not so great is when you feel crummy visit after visit, month after month, year after year.  When that happens, it’s probably time to re-evaluate the friendship to determine if it’s worth the stress.

The phone’s only working one way.  Friendships require participation by both people.  Good, lasting relationships just don’t flourish when it’s only one person doing the calling, texting, emailing and planning.  If months and years go by and you find you are the only one asking to get together, it might mean the friendship isn’t so robust – and maybe be causing you pain to boot.  Time to have a heart to heart about why the friendship is so one-sided, or just end it altogether.

It died of natural causes.  I’ve had friendships that have been great for a while, and then have slowly withered away with the passage of time.  I used to feel bad and stressed about them, like it was my responsibility to resurrect the relationship to its former glory.  But then I realized that these friendships had just taken their course, and instead of feeling guilty for not doing more to save them I could simply relish the memories I’d gained while they were still strong.

For more about what makes a good friend, and how to spot a true and lasting friendship, check this out.

 

Helping Kids Develop a Positive Body Image

Produce for Kids

I recently wrote an article for Produce for Kids about how to help kids feel good about their bodies.  This topic seems particularly important as we are in the middle of swimsuit season, with back-to-school only a few weeks away in many parts of the country.  These times of the year are ripe for comparing our looks and physical abilities to others.

It’s hard to believe, but kids as young as 4 and 5 can struggle with body image.  And it’s not something that affects only girls! We are discovering that boys often struggle with body image too, and that they are just as vulnerable to negative messages (from the media, peers and caregivers) as girls.

The great thing is that parents, caregivers and teachers can have a huge positive impact on how kids feel about their bodies.  Here’s one of the tips I offer in the article:

Respect our own bodies. Kids notice everything we do – and don’t do. Take care to treat your own body with respect by eating healthy foods, getting plenty of exercise and adequate sleep. By demonstrating respect for our own bodies, our kids will be more likely to do the same.

For more tips for helping kids learn to love their bodies for what they can do – and not tear them don’t for what they can’t – check out the full article over at Produce for Kids.

Why Are So Many Kids Diagnosed with ADHD?

I was recently interviewed for a story in the Yuma Sun, in which the reporter (Chris McDaniel) sought to answer the question:

Why are so many kids diagnosed with ADHD these days? 

I thought the story turned out great, and did a nice job providing some answers to this question that I have heard so many times.  Hint: we are more aware of the ADHD, its symptoms, and how to diagnose and treat it effectively.

The story also describes the various treatments for ADHD – which don’t just include medication! Check it out:

Yuma Sun: ADHD Vigilance Leading to More Diagonses, Doc Says

Yuma Sun: ADHD Vigilance Leading to More Diagonses, Doc Says

Talking to Troubled Kids

Talking to kids and teenagers when you suspect something is wrong at home, something’s different in their mood or when you think they might be in some kind of trouble with friends can be scary.  It’s hard to know what (and what not) to say.  Many of us are afraid to get involved for fear of making the situation worse, or putting ourselves in a vulnerable position as adults.

I (and a few other psychologists) recently helped the American Psychological Association assemble a tip sheet for talking with kids when you suspect they need help.  These tips are useful for teachers, neighbors, family members, friends – just about anyone who has contact with kids or teens.  Here’s my favorite tip from the list:

Be genuine. 

Try to avoid speaking from a script. Teens can tell when you’re not being genuine. If you are open, authentic and relaxed, it will help them to be the same.

To see more tips, check them out here at APA’s Help Center.

Managing Home Buying Stress

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I have been composing this post about real estate stress for the past 2 1/2 months.  That’s also the length of time it has taken me to find a new house, put in an offer, sell my old house and move all my (and my family’s!) junk the couple miles across town to our new digs.  Funny it took me just a sentence to describe what has been a grueling, extremely stressful and altogether emotionally taxing period in life.

As I was going through all the ups and downs, I kept trying to use the stress management tips I offer in this blog and in my office (take deep breaths, long walks and carve out time for yourself!).  Guess what? None of them worked.  All I could think about was: “What if this all falls apart?”  “What if the buyers (or sellers) change their minds?”  “What is the house burns down?”  “What if I lose my mind before this is all over?”

Clearly new stress management tips were in order.  Here’s what I came up with:

Find an awesome realtor.  I was lucky enough to have a family friend who’s a realtor.  I had worked with him before and knew he had the patience to put up with my seriously poor stress management skills.  Working with a professional who was calm and trustworthy gave me confidence, knowing that my interests were being represented in the best way possible. Phew. One less thing to worry about!

Exercise. Like nobody’s business.  One of the only things I found even remotely stress-relieving during the past couple of months was really intense exercise.  So intense that I couldn’t talk or think about anything other than making it to the end of the workout.  This might not be a good long-term stress management strategy, but it gave me moments of stress relief that were well worth the sore muscles!

Talk to people who don’t care.   It didn’t matter whether I was with my mom, my husband, my kids’ teachers or my neighbors: I found myself talking about real estate ALL THE TIME!  How annoying is that?  I was able to catch a moment of relief when talking to people who didn’t care about (or wouldn’t put up with) my real estate rantings.  Sometimes it was my office building mates, other times it was the grocery clerk – regardless, it was nice to re-enter reality once in a while and realize not everyone’s life revolved around my home sale. Duh.

Quit watching HGTV.  I am sad to say that my tried-and-true stress management strategy of watching House Hunters failed me when I needed it most.  For the past 10+ years I have found solace in the show, but not this time.  I ended up getting angry (and even more stressed) at the happy home buyers who showed not a shred of worry!  There were no tears, sleepless nights or un-provoked rants to be found!  Do you mean this “reality show” isn’t representative of reality after all? Good grief.

Listen to loud music that has nothing to do with home buying.  Similar to exercising like Jillian Michaels, I found that listening to music gave me some moments of peace.  But this called for a different type of music: nothing “soothing” or sappy would do.  Instead I turned to songs that had absolutely nothing to do with the process on my mind.  I listened to songs like this.  After all, there’s not much that could be further from my real  life, than pop stars trolling South Florida clubs for some…ahem…companionship.

Want more ideas for managing stress? Check some out here.

Creating Happiness – Cookies!

Last month was the Picture of Happiness month here on Dr. Stephanie.  I celebrated various ways to find happiness with lots of guest authors who shared photos and stories of finding happiness.  One of the authors, Megan, shared a picture of a delicious dessert as the source of happiness! Here it is:

Screen shot 2014-05-29 at 5.48.29 AMI asked Megan to share her recipe for this deliciousness, here it is:

I use the recipe on the back of the Nestle bag of chocolate chips and vanilla bean ice cream.  I use a metal cake pan (any size will do, really) and grease it with a little butter, spread in some dough and bake at 500 degrees for 3-4 minutes 🙂

Happy Baking!