6 Steps to Becoming a Content Woman

Do you know any content, happy women?

I know…no one is happy or content all the time.  But what I mean is, do you know any women you admire?  Look up to? Want to emulate? Learn from? Spend the day with?gerberas

I know a few.  And I’m not talking about women who just look good.  The ladies I’m talking about are the ones who seem happy, content and rarely frazzled.   They enjoy their children and partners (if they have them), and the other people and activities in their lives.  The women I admire have very different styles, religious persuasions, socioeconomic statuses and backgrounds.  Some of the women I admire are friends, others are friends of my mom’s, others I know even more distantly.

Here’s what these content women have in common:

They take time for themselves, without apology.  Whether it’s taking time to read, volunteer, quilt, workout or spend time with friends – the most “perfect” women carve out time – on a regular basis – for themselves.  They realize that in order to give to the people in their lives (their children, their partners, their co-workers) they need to be re-charged and filled up themselves.

They are engaged in something bigger than themselves.  The world is a big place, but sometimes we forget that.  By becoming involved in an organization or cause bigger than ourselves (church, environmental group, political cause, philanthropic organization) we get perspective on our own lives, problems and worries.

They limit media consumption.  Television, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, blogs, glossy magazines – they can be fun.  But they are sort of like donuts or whipped cream: fluffy confections meant to be consumed in small doses and only occasionally.  Any more often, and they become harmful and can literally weigh you down.  The women I admire recognize this.  They may glance at media periodically, but realize  that its potential negative effects must be carefully monitored.

They treat their bodies with respect. None of the women I admire are beauty queens, but they do care for their bodies – probably realizing that their health and well-being are big parts of what allow them to care for others.  Good food, regular activity and adequate sleep are all important pieces of respecting their bodies.  Regular haircuts and  clothes that fit their body and style may be a part of this too.

They are picky about how they spend their time.  Time is money whether you are a stay at home mom, an attorney or a taxi driver.  The problem is, most of us don’t treat it as such.  The women I admire are extremely frugal about how (and with whom!) they spend their time.  Not that they don’t relax – they do! – but they are planful and careful about how they do it.  They consider invitations before automatically saying yes (or no), are selective (but not snobby) about who they socialize with and rarely run around town (or their homes) without purpose.  They realize that their time and attention is valuable and budget it just as they would their finances.

They don’t complain about other women.  The idea for this article was born after reading some nasty articles – written by women – complaining about other women and how they earned their money, spent their time and raised their kids.  Upon reflection, I realized that I have rarely heard the women I admire complain or gossip about other women.  Whether they have these thoughts and bite their tongues, or have no critical thoughts at all, I’m not sure.  But either way I admire their focus on positive things that they can actually control.

 

 

Flash-Mobbing for Mental Health?!

I recently had the opportunity to participate in my very first flash-mob.  Holy cow!  It was a FANTASTIC experience! Me and about 50 other folks spent about an hour learning the moves to Thriller before flash-mobbing in the lobby of our gym.  What a rush!  After the event I started thinking about how the experience might be related to mental health.  And I think flash-mobbing has a lot to offer, psychologically speaking:

  • Being part of a larger group and working on a common goal can go a long way toward feeling connected to others and being part of a community – important aspects of mental health
  • Experiencing the adrenaline rush of being “on stage” and performing for a crowd is a natural, healthy “high”
  • Trying something new and then succeeding at it can boost confidence and thus self esteem
  • Acting like something that you usually aren’t (in my case a dancer, a performer and someone slightly younger than my real age) can be a fun break from everyday stressors, worries and roles

Who knew that doing something so light-hearted and seemingly un-related to psychology could have such a big impact on mental health? And it’s free and fun!

Want to watch the Thriller flash mob? Click here!

Thanks to Ryan Krol and Sarah Zook for organizing the event and taking the video!

Thanks to Ryan Krol and Sarah Zook for organizing the event and taking the video!

Another favorite flash-mob:

Coping with Flood-Related Stress

Flooding in Colorado

Flooding in Colorado

I live and work in Northern Colorado, and this week we have been in the midst of some pretty significant flooding.  Sure, we are used to big snows, tornadoes and persistent droughts – but this flood thing is new to many of us.  What all these weather-related events have in common, though, is the anxiety, fear and worry that accompanies them.  It can be especially tough on our littlest family members.

With my own anxiety, fear and worry swirling, I am trying to use the coping strategies put forth by others before me:

TURN OFF THE TV!  Yes, I know all-caps is the typist’s form of shouting – but I think it is something to shout about.  I estimate that it takes the local news  5-10 minutes to update me on everything I need to know about the storm, the flooding and a bit about the world outside of Colorado.  After that, the pictures are repeated, the warnings more urgent and the predictions more dire.  It’s no wonder that after about 10 minutes of watching (or reading, or YouTubing or Facebooking) I notice my anxiety level soar.  So, this tip is kind of a no-brainer: watch the basics then TURN IT OFF!

Connect with the gang.  Folks often describe feelings of closeness with their community during tough times. I am seeing this all around me.  Neighbors chatting, planning and organizing; co-workers banding together to help the cause; community organizations reaching out in ways they normally don’t.  Connecting with your community can be a really effective way to combat the emotional turmoil that accompanies natural disasters.

Keep on keeping on.  Whether we realize it or not, most of us have some pretty effective stress management strategies on board already.  For example, I love to watch House Hunters as a way to wind down. Other folks might find reading, praying or walking to be particularly effective at managing stress.  The key is, now that we are REALLY stressed, let’s not forget the coping strategies that work for us. That might mean getting creative and reading by candlelight instead of lamp light, but the effect is the same.

For more ideas about managing distress related to the floods (or other natural disasters), check out the American Psychological Association’s Help Center.

 

Summer Vacation: Plugged or Un-plugged?

Have you taken your summer vacation yet? If not, you may find yourself pondering this very question: Should I stay plugged in, or go all-in and un-plug the world? I was having this debate conversation just last night.  Are vacations better if they are completely un-plugged? Is it even possible?  Will my vacation be more beneficial if I don’t check my email, voicemail, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and beyond?

What about when I return: Will the re-entry to my “real” life be more difficult if I have a week or two worth of messages waiting for me?

Here’s my take:

Vacations come in all shapes and sizes.  There’s the quick weekend getaway, the family reunion trip, the sightseeing/cultural trip, the boy scout camping trip, the Disney World trip and the long, lazy summer trip.  It might be no big deal to stay plugged in (meaning checking voicemail, email, etc) on short trips like weekend getaways.  In fact, staying plugged in to the “real world” might be the only thing that gets you through kid-focused trips (like to Disney) and can provide excellent excuses for escape on family reunion trips.

Camping trips and long, lazy summer trips are different in my book.  These vacations should most certainly be experienced un-plugged.  These types of trips are meant to be savored and should be a complete change of pace from your normal life. We can’t be expected to truly un-wind, re-group, and relax if we are constantly updating Facebook or responding to customer inquiries.  Sand castles and s’mores are meant to be relished – and who can do that while responding to email?

How do you decide whether or not to un-plug?

Making Summer Simple

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The “lazy days of summer” I referred to in my last post don’t seem to be coming around as quickly as I would have liked.  Instead, I am having some “crazy days of summer” – running around too fast, too far, and missing perfectly good summer days around here!  In thinking about how to slow down and capture those delicious, slow, long days of summertime I have been compiling a list of ideas.  Thoughts about how we can all slow down and enjoy this season:

  • Check email less often.  Maybe just once in the morning and once at night will do?
  • Instead of posting about your comings and goings on Facebook – get offline and actually experience them! Consider implementing media-free days for yourself
  • Go to the library and stock up on books: fiction, non-fiction, coffee table books, magazines.  Having lots of reading (and “looking”) material on hand might encourage you to actually sit down and relax!
  • Make eating easy.  Check out my post on healthy summer eating.  For some simple summertime recipes check out Produce for Kids.
  • Say no.  Showers, parties, open houses, and birthday celebrations can be fun – but they can eat up time like nobody’s business.  Be picky about how your spend your time and practice saying “no thank you” if need be.
  • Keep a list of fun activities handy.  I’ve known several families who keep a list of fun, relatively easy activities nearby so if they are ever at a loss of things to do, they can simply check their list.  Ideas might include: a local hike, a trip to the zoo, a picnic in the park, pizza at the pool (one of my faves), a midnight movie, and so on.
  • Do something new.  It’s so easy to get into ruts and routines so rigid that we never try new things.  Summer, with its zillions of activities, can be a wonderful time to try new things.  Pickleball, anyone?

 

Are We Giving Too Much Advice?

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There is advice everywhere I look. From the psychology and health related blogs I read (“How to Keep Your Kids Safe This Summer!” “10 Steps to Being a More Engaged Mom!”) to the home improvement blogs I enjoy (“How To Rip Out Carpet!” “Painting Your Deck with Ease!”) to the healthy living/fitness blogs I skim (“Cut Out Gluten for a Flatter Stomach!” “Train for a Marathon This Summer!”).  I have to admit I have reached my breaking point when it comes to reading advice.

Who are these advice-givers anyway?  And do they follow their own advice?  Can any of us really be expected to do all these things we’re “supposed” to do?

I know, I know, my blog is full of tips, advice, strategies too.  And believe me, sometimes I read my own words and they sound a bit like blah blah blahhhhhhhh to me as well.

Do you ever feel like you are being bombarded with advice? How do you cope? How do you choose what to tune out?

Advice, tips, coping strategies are all great things. But just like everything else: moderation is key. With that, I will follow my own advice and not offer any today.

 

The Boston Marathon Attacks and Coping with Traumatic Events

As I was brushing my teeth this morning I was thinking about whether and what to post about the attacks in Boston yesterday.  Like everyone else, I am dismayed and grieved at the trauma endured by the athletes and their supporters.  I can’t help but reflect on the multitude of traumas our people have endured over the last few years.

Is this normal?  Have these sorts of incidents increased?  What can be made of all this violence, injury and death?  I don’t know the answers to these questions.  But, I do know that it is normal to feel lots of emotions following tragedies like the one yesterday.

The American Psychological Association offered some tips on how to recognize and cope with traumatic stress.  Check out their tips here.

In looking over APA’s info, I was struck by a couple of points:

  • People respond to tragedies differently.  Some folks might feel nothing, others may cry, still others might have trouble tearing themselves away from news coverage.  I notice many folks turning to social media as a way to cope with their own grief and fear.  Still others may simply want to retreat and withdraw.  No response is right or wrong.  Just different.
  • Re-establishing routines is important.  I’m big into routines, so this tip really rang true for me.  Routines can be comforting to all of us – especially kids – so getting back to a normal schedule can go a long way in helping cope with traumatic events.  Maybe this means going back to your regular dinnertime, enjoying your favorite TV shows, or getting back to your typical workout schedule.  Even if it feels awkward at first, getting back into the swing of your normal routine can help minimize stress, fear, and uncertainty.
  • Avoid major life decisions.  This tip is new to me, but I think it is pretty interesting.  Traumatic events can produce big emotions.  Sometimes those emotions are grief and fear, but they can also be passion, anger, or excitement.  These emotions can be so intense that we may feel driven to make decisions about our relationships, work, and family lives.  APA suggests we avoid these decisions in times of high stress.

For more information about coping with traumatic events, check out the American Psychological Association.

 

Bullies In The Lunchroom? Helping Your Kids Stand Up For Their Tuna

Teasing can happen anywhere.  And so can it’s meaner, more serious cousin bullying.  As most any kid can tell you, the lunch hour can be a stressful one.  Who to sit with? Buy lunch or bring lunch? How to deal with the mean lunch lady? How to cope when making friends and conversation don’t come easily? What to do when weight and food are struggles? Leave campus or eat in the cafeteria? Ugh. The dilemmas are endless.  Unfortunately so are the possibilities for conflict.

I wrote the following article over at Produce for Kids about how to help your kids when they are being bullied about what is in their lunchbox.  Seem far-fetched and like it never happens? Ask the kids in your life, and I bet they will tell you otherwise.

Dealing with Lunchroom Bullies: Produce for Kids

Dealing with Lunchroom Bullies: Produce for Kids

Making Time with Friends a Priority

Friends are good medicine.  And when I say “friend” I mean a real, live, true friend.  Not a Facebook friend, or a virtual friend, or someone who calls us a friend but is really trying to sell us something.

I have been reminded of the importance of friends and mental health several times recently.  Once while reading Dr. Deborah Serani’s book Living with Depression, in which she recommends both “staying connected to social support” and “avoiding toxic people” as part of an overall plan for managing depression.  I was also reminded of the good medicine friends can be while spending time with a dear, longtime friend the other day.

Your friends might not look like these guys, but they can be good for your mental health anyway!

Your friends might not look like these guys, but they can be good for your mental health anyway!

The problem is, many of us don’t make time to spend with the friends we have, and don’t invest in new relationships.  It’s easy to get distracted with the other priorities in life: family commitments, work, exercise, household chores, etc.  As we enter into the new year, I wonder how our lives might be improved by placing a priority on our friendships?  Perhaps making a goal to spend purely social, fun time with a friend once a month, or once a quarter even would be a good start.

And what about those of us who don’t have friends, or don’t have the types of friendships we would like? Perhaps this is the year to make relationship-building a priority.  Take a risk and talk to new people, engage in a new activity, or re-kindle an old relationship that has faded away.

Working toward good mental health can mean lots of things – focusing on friendships can be a free and fun way to do it.

Helping Your Kids (And Yourself) in the Midst of a Tragedy

When will the madness end? That’s a question so many of us are asking ourselves today.  It is so hard to know how to cope with senseless violence of any kind, but especially when it involves so many kids in a place where they are supposed to feel safe.

As we struggle to cope with the tragedy in Connecticut today, I offer a couple of tips for families:

Talk about it.  Many of us find it useful to process and talk about tragedies – especially when they are as confusing and senseless as the one today.  This goes for grown-ups and kids alike.  Allow yourself and your family members (even the little ones) time to express feelings, fears, and worries over today’s events.  Talk about what you and your family do to keep each other safe, and take a moment to cherish each other – out loud.

Turn it off.  Just as it’s crucial to express our thoughts, it is just as important to put an end to the conversation at an appropriate point.  This can mean turning off news coverage, taking a break from Facebook, and providing our children (and ourselves) with other, safer things to do (watch a holiday movie, make cookies, play Wii, etc).  The details of the shooting in CT will be in the news for days and weeks to come.  You will not be missing anything by turning off the news reports, and in fact you will be doing a lot to maintain your mental health.

Need more ideas and resources about how to manage stress in the aftermath of a tragedy?

Helping Your Children Manage Distress in the Aftermath of a Shooting (APA)

SAMHSA’s Disaster Distress Helpline: 800-985-5990

Managing Distress in the Aftermath of a Shooting (APA)

Tips for Talking with Kids and Youth After a Disaster or Traumatic Event (SAMHSA): A Guide for Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers