Halting Holiday Stress: Just Do One Thing

Is wearing matching PJ's your favorite part of the holidays? Then go for it...maybe just not this particular pair.

Is wearing matching PJ’s your favorite part of the holidays? Then go for it…maybe just not this particular pair.

If you are a Pinterest addict like me, then you know there are about a zillion crafty/creative projects and activities you could be doing this holiday season.  In fact, it’s easy to feel like a big holiday failure if you don’t:

  • send out handmade cards
  • make cookies for all your neighbors and friends
  • decorate both the inside and outside of your house by the end of Thanksgiving
  • go caroling
  • feed the homeless
  • make your own nativity scene, advent calendar and stockings
  • buy (or better yet, make!) matching pajamas for your family
  • enjoy several holiday traditions with your perfectly-behaved children and pets by doing things like reading aloud together, making gingerbread houses and singing Christmas carols

I know I left out a whole bunch of other projects – but you get the point.  The number of things we “should” do around the holidays and the things we actually want to do – or physically can do – is much more limited.

So this year, instead of writing a mile-long to-do list, pick just one or two things to do.  And do them well.  And enjoy them while you’re doing them.  And have that be enough. For me, I truly love Christmas cards (giving and receiving!) so that’s where I will be putting the majority of my creativity energy this year.  How about you?

 

Stop Holiday Stress Before It Starts

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Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and my neighbors have already put up their Christmas lights…must be time to start talking about holiday stress!  In an effort to help all of us manage the expectations, pitfalls and joys of this year in an effective way, I am going to offer up a bunch of posts over the next 6 weeks on how to cope with holiday stress.  Here’s my first tip:

Start planning for Christmas now.

No, you don’t have to start playing Christmas carols, but coming up with an idea of what and when you might get things done is a great idea.  By my count there are 7 weekends between now and Christmas (and one of those is Thanksgiving weekend) which means we have plenty of time to do things like:

  • decorate
  • shop
  • bake
  • volunteer
  • go to parties
  • host a party
  • wrap gifts
  • send cards
  • make plans to get out of town
  • whatever else is part of your holiday tradition

So pull out your calendar and see what you can get scheduled.  You will thank yourself in a month!

 

 

Are You Cool Enough to Be Stressed?

Did you know that hip, important and interesting people are pretty much stressed out all the time?

No?

Well, log into Facebook, Twitter or Instagram – better yet check out the latest on Pinterest and the blogosphere and you will see in fact that cool people are highly stressed and super busy, like all the time.

Not true, you say? Unfortunately it is what many of us feel.

photo credit

photo credit

At some point in the last – oh, I don’t know – 20 to 30 years it became super cool to say “I’m so stressed!” and “Life is crazy right now!” and “I don’t know if I can keep going at this pace – aggghhh!”  The only problem with this idea is that it isn’t so cool when this stress leads to heart disease, psychological disorders and other health issues.  Come to think of it, being super stressed doesn’t actually make you cool at all.  It just makes you stressed.  And probably a little bit irritable.  And maybe prone to do things you probably shouldn’t like eat too many candy corns or drink too many lattes.

But yet the idea persists that the more stressed you are the more important you must be.

This holiday season I am going to take a stand against the often-super-stressful months of November and December by offering tips (I’ll shoot for a couple times a week as I am trying to keep my stress down, too!) on keeping the holidays simple, the stress low and the fun high.

Do you have tips, strategies or plans for lowering your stress this holiday season? If so, please send them to me at stephanie@drstephaniesmith.com and maybe they will get included on the blog!

And check out this article on Psych Central that I got to be a part of:

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How to Stop Worrying About Ebola

Even if you have tried to ignore the stories about Ebola over the past few months, the news has been impossible to avoid.  And now that the disease has hit close to home, many of us are left with worries and fears concerning our own health.  While we know that sitting in our living rooms worrying about it won’t do any good, it can be hard to know what else to do.  So, I have gathered a couple great resources on managing worries around Ebola.

My favorite tip is to take a break from news coverage.  When we are bombarded with media coverage about any event – including this one – it can cause significant anxiety.  And lots of anxiety over a long period of time is no good for our health, or the health of our families and communities.

Check out some other resources here:

How and Why You Should Ease Your Ebola Fears – Your Mind. Your Body:

It’s important to always stay alert, to be informed and take precautions if you think you may be at risk for coming into contact with any virus. But to help maintain emotional well-being, it’s critical to ease Ebola fears by reviewing the facts, maintaining perspective, and upholding hope.
Keep things in perspective. Limit worry and agitation by lessening the time you and your family spend watching or listening to upsetting media coverage. Although you’ll want to keep informed — especially if you have loved ones in affected countries — remember to take a break from watching the news and focus on the things that are positive in your life and things you have control over.

Ending Friendships…Good for Mental Health?

Friends are the best.  They give us a shoulder to cry on and someone to laugh with.  But friends can also be a drain, a stress and a strain on our mental health and happiness.  Like any relationship, friendships can have their ups and downs.  Periods of closeness, arguments and distance aren’t uncommon.  But what happens when a friend starts causing you stress and strain all the time, for months and years on end?  Is it OK to end a friendship?

Break up with your BFF?

Absolutely.

Just like romantic relationships, not all friendships are meant to last forever. Some friendships flourish in the workplace, and then flounder when one person moves on to another job.  Other friendships grow quickly during shared experiences (during summer camp or a birthing class) and then die out when that time is over.

So how do you know when a friendship has run its course? What’s the right time to pull the plug?

You don’t feel good after you come home.  After spending time with friends, we usually feel good: happy and light-hearted..  But there are times when we feel down or sad after a date with our friends.  This can happen when she tells us bad news or that’s she’s moving across the country.  Close friends can even share each other’s pain in a very real way.  For example, when your dear friend tells you she’s divorcing.  That’s all to be expected in the course of a friendship.  What’s not so great is when you feel crummy visit after visit, month after month, year after year.  When that happens, it’s probably time to re-evaluate the friendship to determine if it’s worth the stress.

The phone’s only working one way.  Friendships require participation by both people.  Good, lasting relationships just don’t flourish when it’s only one person doing the calling, texting, emailing and planning.  If months and years go by and you find you are the only one asking to get together, it might mean the friendship isn’t so robust – and maybe be causing you pain to boot.  Time to have a heart to heart about why the friendship is so one-sided, or just end it altogether.

It died of natural causes.  I’ve had friendships that have been great for a while, and then have slowly withered away with the passage of time.  I used to feel bad and stressed about them, like it was my responsibility to resurrect the relationship to its former glory.  But then I realized that these friendships had just taken their course, and instead of feeling guilty for not doing more to save them I could simply relish the memories I’d gained while they were still strong.

For more about what makes a good friend, and how to spot a true and lasting friendship, check this out.

 

Managing Home Buying Stress

I have been composing this post about real estate stress for the past 2 1/2 months.  That’s also the length of time it has taken me to find a new house, put in an offer, sell my old house and move all my (and my family’s!) junk the couple miles across town to our new digs.  Funny it took me just a sentence to describe what has been a grueling, extremely stressful and altogether emotionally taxing period in life.

As I was going through all the ups and downs, I kept trying to use the stress management tips I offer in this blog and in my office (take deep breaths, long walks and carve out time for yourself!).  Guess what? None of them worked.  All I could think about was: “What if this all falls apart?”  “What if the buyers (or sellers) change their minds?”  “What is the house burns down?”  “What if I lose my mind before this is all over?”

Clearly new stress management tips were in order.  Here’s what I came up with:

Find an awesome realtor.  I was lucky enough to have a family friend who’s a realtor.  I had worked with him before and knew he had the patience to put up with my seriously poor stress management skills.  Working with a professional who was calm and trustworthy gave me confidence, knowing that my interests were being represented in the best way possible. Phew. One less thing to worry about!

Exercise. Like nobody’s business.  One of the only things I found even remotely stress-relieving during the past couple of months was really intense exercise.  So intense that I couldn’t talk or think about anything other than making it to the end of the workout.  This might not be a good long-term stress management strategy, but it gave me moments of stress relief that were well worth the sore muscles!

Talk to people who don’t care.   It didn’t matter whether I was with my mom, my husband, my kids’ teachers or my neighbors: I found myself talking about real estate ALL THE TIME!  How annoying is that?  I was able to catch a moment of relief when talking to people who didn’t care about (or wouldn’t put up with) my real estate rantings.  Sometimes it was my office building mates, other times it was the grocery clerk – regardless, it was nice to re-enter reality once in a while and realize not everyone’s life revolved around my home sale. Duh.

Quit watching HGTV.  I am sad to say that my tried-and-true stress management strategy of watching House Hunters failed me when I needed it most.  For the past 10+ years I have found solace in the show, but not this time.  I ended up getting angry (and even more stressed) at the happy home buyers who showed not a shred of worry!  There were no tears, sleepless nights or un-provoked rants to be found!  Do you mean this “reality show” isn’t representative of reality after all? Good grief.

Listen to loud music that has nothing to do with home buying.  Similar to exercising like Jillian Michaels, I found that listening to music gave me some moments of peace.  But this called for a different type of music: nothing “soothing” or sappy would do.  Instead I turned to songs that had absolutely nothing to do with the process on my mind.  I listened to songs like this.  After all, there’s not much that could be further from my real  life, than pop stars trolling South Florida clubs for some…ahem…companionship.

Want more ideas for managing stress? Check some out here.

Gardening and Mental Health

Did you know that digging in the dirt, planting a few flowers or veggies, and turning on the hose is all it takes to improve your mental health?

It’s true!

And it’s the perfect time of year to take advantage of this stress-busting, patience-improving, physically-active hobby.  Check out my most recent article over at Produce for Kids to learn more about how digging in the dirt can improve your psychological health:

Produce For Kids blog

 

Anger and Your (Mental and Physical) Health

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Did you see this recent article in CNN’s The Chart about angry outburts? The author of the study (Dr. Murray A. Mittleman, Harvard) found that people who had angry outbursts were at greater risk for “cardiovascular events” for two hours after the anger episode than those who were calm.

It seems that we are learning more about more about how psychological health affects physical health.  For example, we know that stress can affect every system of the body.  We also know that depression can take it’s toll on our cardiovascular system, and other areas of the body as well.  Now it looks like we can add anger to the list of psychological issues that affect our bodies as well.

This shouldn’t come as too big a shock, of course, because our heads are attached to our bodies – it’s all just one big system!

But how can we manage our anger?  Even those of us who don’t consider ourselves “angry people” can struggle with our tempers from time to time.  Whether we get mad at our kids, our neighbors or the other drivers on the road – anger can take its toll in lots of ways.  Here are some tips to manage:

Get it out.  Some people like to talk about it, others like to write about it or sing songs about it.  Some way or another the anger needs to come out in safe, controlled ways.  Try a few strategies and find one that works for you – just know that bottling it up isn’t usually a good option.

Do something for stress relief, even if you think you don’t need it.  We all feel stress from time to time – what’s important is that we have a few strategies for dealing with it.  We need to engage in those activities regularly – at least a couple times per week – even if we think we’re too busy or don’t need it.  When stress builds, anger isn’t far behind.

Consider changing something.  If you find yourself becoming angry at the same things over and over (cars on the highway, a rude neighbor) consider changing your routine.  Take a different route to work.  Avoid your neighbor at the mailbox.  Sometimes even slight changes in routine or behavior can make a big difference.

For more ideas about managing anger and stress, check out the American Psychological Association’s Help Center.

 

Helping Your Teen Manage Stress

Stress? Who me?

Stress? Who me?

The American Psychological Association’s annual Stress in America survey was released yesterday.  The results indicate that Americans are pretty stressed overall.  We worry about work and money in particular, and struggle to manage it with healthy strategies.  Instead we reach for cookies, cigarettes, video games and participate in other sedentary activities – even though many of us know more active, healthy strategies are better for us and often more effective.

That’s pretty bad news.

But it gets worse.

The survey also found that American teenagers are experiencing stress at levels they feel is unhealthy.  In fact, their stress levels rival those of adults.  Yesterday I wrote a post about why we need to worry about it.

Today I’m focusing on what we can do to help teens manage their stress more effectively. Here it is:

Let them watch us manage stress in healthy, effective ways ourselves.

  • That means, instead of guzzling beer and M and M’s in front of the TV after a tough day, perhaps we should take a walk or dance around the kitchen
  • That means, instead of logging into Facebook and ranting about our boss, perhaps we should play a game with our teen or get a manicure
  • That means, instead of zoning out and playing Minecraft, perhaps we should read a book or phone a friend

Kids learn from watching us. It’s a big responsibility for parents to be constant role models.  But it’s also a big relief because it means we can have a positive, lasting impact on our kids’ health.

For more information about talking to teens about stress check out the American Psychological Association’s tips here.

For more information about whether your child could benefit from seeing a psychologist, check out my article here.

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Americans Are Stressed…So What?

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The American Psychological Association released their annual Stress in America report today.  Not surprisingly, it found that Americans are pretty stressed. In their survey, they found that the average adult rated their stress a 5.1 on a scale of 1 to 10.  More noteworthy is that 42% of adults reported their stress has increased in the last 5 years, and 62% say they have tried to decreased their stress during that same time frame.

But the big finding from this year’s survey was stress in teens.  It appears to be on the rise, and currently rivals that of adults.

So why should we care?

We’re all stressed, right?

Life is tough, complicated – perhaps we all just need to buck up?

Hmmmm…

It’s something to think about.  But what concerns me is not so much the stress itself, but the effects of stress over the long term.  For example, did you know that prolonged stress can negatively affect every system of the body?  That’s right.  Stress not only affects our mood, our eating and our sleep patterns, but it can also affect our cardiovascular and musculoskeletal systems as well.  Reproduction, metabolism and even our cognitive abilities can also be negatively impacted by high levels of stress.

Yikes.

And when we start thinking about stress in kids and teens, the picture becomes even more worrisome.  If kids are reporting high levels of stress (5.8 in this survey) at a time when life is supposed to be relatively stress-free, what does that mean for the future?  Will their stress levels keep going up and up as life gets more complex (mortgages, jobs, marriages, their own kids)? How will their bodies respond to these high levels of chronic stress? What will that mean for the health care system?

It’s a lot to think about. Check back tomorrow for some coping strategies. In the meantime, check out the full Stress in America survey here.