Category: Pop Culture

The Glee Project

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Have you been watching The Glee Project this summer on Oxygen?  If not, you are missing out!  The premise of the show is that they are looking for a new character for the real Glee.  The format is sort of like American Idol, except the contestants have to sing, dance, and act.  It’s a great fill-in for those of us who are missing new Glee episodes over the summer, and it is also fun to get a peek behind the scenes of how Glee works.

Photo by: The Glee Project on Oxygen

Photo by: The Glee Project on Oxygen

I was particularly impressed with last week’s episode of The Glee Project.  The contestants were challenged to show their vulnerable side.  The directors didn’t just settle for the kids making sad faces, either.  They had the contestants name, then wear in public (in the form of a painted sign on their chest), their biggest vulnerability.  What could have been hokey was actually pretty moving.  But the thing I liked most was painted on the back of their signs: “U R Not Alone.”

Photo by: The Glee Project on Oxygen

Glee is a pretty darn entertaining show, but the good they have done in helping kids and young adults understand that they are not alone in their struggles is inspiring.  I’m so glad that the show is continuing its good work over the summer.  Goodness knows there are kids who need it.

Know someone who needs help now? Check out the Boys Town National Hotline.  Parents and teens (both boys and girls!) can call 1-800-448-3000 to be connected with counselors and other resources.

Addicted to Facebook?

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I hear people say this a lot: “I am soooo addicted to Facebook!”  I think they typically mean to say that they like Facebook and spend a lot of time on it.  But as one of my readers recently asked, is it possible to be really and truly addicted to Facebook?   As in, bad things start happening in life because of a user’s Facebook time?  This is a great question and one I have been thinking a lot about since my reader asked.  So, first things first:  What does “addiction” really mean?  According to the DSM-IV, ONE of the following things need to be present in order for one to qualify for a diagnosis of substance abuse (and let’s just assume for a moment that Facebook can be considered a substance):

  1. Recurrent use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home (e.g., repeated absences or poor work performance related to substance use; substance related absences, suspensions, or expulsions from school; neglect of children or household). This one is definitely possible when talking about Facebook.  Again, this isn’t going to apply to the vast majority of Facebook users, even the die-hards.  But for those who find themselves constantly checking their friends’ statuses, playing games, searching for new friends – to the detriment of their other duties in life – they may indeed meet this criteria.
  2. Recurrent substance use in situations in which it is physically hazardous (e.g., driving an automobile or operating a machine when impaired by substance use). At first I thought this point wouldn’t apply to Facebook use, but then I thought of Facebook-ing while driving.  In very extreme cases, it would be possible for folks to have gotten into legal trouble because of Facebook-ing while driving and yet continuing to engage in the behavior.
  3. Recurrent substance related legal problems (e.g., arrests for substance related disorderly conduct). I don’t know about this one.  Can one get into legal trouble on Facebook?
  4. Continued substance use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of the substance (e.g., arguments with spouse about consequences of intoxication, physical fights). This is one I have actually seen in real life.  Husbands complaining that they never see their wives anymore because they spend so much time on Facebook.  Wives complaining that their husbands won’t stop playing Facebook games long enough to engage with their families.   Perhaps these things can be warning signs of troubled Facebook use, and the possibility of more serious problems down the road.

So, what’s the conclusion; can we become addicted to Facebook?  I think the answer is yes.  While Facebook is not a mood or mind-altering substance (like alcohol or drugs), its overuse can cause “clinically significant impairment or distress.”  Concerned about your own Facebook habit?  Try curtailing your use – or totally abstaining – for the next week or two.  Set specific “Facebook time” in which you can enjoy checking up on your friends, but declare Facebook off limits during other times of the day.

 

 

 

Getting Your Kids to (Really) Talk to You

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I am in the midst of a new-found Oprah obsession.  Sure I’ve watched her shows in years past, but the last couple of months I have been enthralled.  Yesterday (May 19th) was no exception.  In addition to other guests, she interviewed a brother and sister whose mother had left their family.  Working with them was psychotherapist, M. Gary Neuman.  I have to admit that sometimes when I see therapists on television I hear “blah, blah, blah” (is this what people hear during my media interviews? Hmmm…).  Anyway, Mr. Neuman was great!  In particular, he had one piece of advice that was particularly poignant.  That is (and I’m paraphrasing):

If you really want your kids to talk to you, you have to do more than say ‘Let me know if you want to talk’ or ‘You can come to me if you have any problems.’

He is so right!  So many of us think we are opening the door to our kids’ conversations by making these statements, but in fact it takes much more to actually get them to open up.  Mr. Neuman suggested we actually bring up the topics we want our kids to talk about.  Here are some examples:

  • “Johnny I saw on the news that a lot of kids drink alcohol at after prom parties.  What are your plans after prom?”
  • “Sophie, I don’t know if you and Tucker are sexually intimate, but I thought we could talk about birth control options for girls your age.”
  • “Henry, I remember when I was about to graduate from high school I felt so nervous about college and the changes it would bring.  I wonder if you’ve felt nervous about next year at all?”
  • “Ellie, I was watching American Idol last night and one of the contestants talked about her parents divorce and how it still makes her sad.  I was wondering how our family’s divorce affects you?”

Mr. Neuman went on to note that we, as parents, need to bring these topics up to our kids time and time again.  By doing so we create a safe, accepting environment for them to talk about concerns – big and small.  Brilliant, Mr. Neuman!  Thanks for the reminder that we need to be active participants in communicating with our kids.

Photo by: George Burns/Harpo Studios

Ex-Boyfriends & Facebook

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Oh, Facebook.  Who knew I had so much to say about you?  Maybe it’s because you are involved in a large percentage of the conversations I have (inside and outside of my office).  Maybe it’s because I have some deep-seated psychological issues with you stemming from childhood?  I’m not sure.  Regardless, here goes another post…

Perhaps there are a few folks out there who have re-connected with old lovers, boyfriends, and crushes on Facebook and it has turned out great.  But more often, it doesn’t.  What do we really hope to accomplish when we “Friend Request” our old prom date?  Do we want to re-kindle the flame?  Re-hash old times?  Peer into their current life?  Are any of these worth the risk?

And believe me, the risks are many.  Chatting on-line with an old lover can be a slippery slope to other types of, huh-hum, communications.  Whether or not we are currently in a relationship, it is important to be aware of the temptations these on-line interludes pose.  Posting on each others walls, to IM’ing each other during work, to meeting for coffee, to meeting for other “things” can happen more quickly than you might imagine.  The lure of romance and the memory of youth can be difficult things to turn down, particularly if your current relationship has grown predictable and less than steamy.

And what about our emotional health?  How will re-living the glory days serve us?  For some it can be fun and nostalgic.  For others it can be a sad reminder that life didn’t turn out the way we expected.  Even if we are content in our current situations, there is nothing like seeing an old boyfriend on Facebook who lives in a mansion, travels the world, and has a supermodel for a wife to make us feel as if we don’t measure up.  Do any of us really need that?  I sure don’t.

photo by: jfiddler

 

 

Tips for Talking with Teens

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I have teenagers on the brain this week.  I’ve seen a lot at work, talked to a few in my neighborhood, read a new book on cliques, and watched some singing on Glee.  When the authors of Talking Teenage sent me this blog on misconceptions teens have about their parents, that sealed the deal – I just had to write a post on teenagers.

I have to admit, I am a little bit afraid of teenagers.  They can be so dismissive.  Maybe it brings back insecurities of years past (or years present?); regardless, they have an uncanny way of making some of us adults feel simultaneously uncool and inadequate.  But when I read the article about the misconceptions teens have about their parents (and maybe other adults as well), it made me wonder if we unwittingly make the teens in our lives feel the exact same way?

What can we do to ensure that we all feel relevant, connected, and cool?

Use a cheat sheet. Use talking points written by others.  Try the blog post about teens, parents, and misconceptions.  Or try a list of conversation starters like this.  If those don’t go anywhere, try playing a game like Apples to Apples where words are part of the game.

Meet them where they are. Social media, X-box, Wii, Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga, Glee, University of Texas Football – get into what they’re into.  Not only will it give you something to talk about with your teen, but you might enjoy it as well.  Are you a Twihard? A Belieber? You’ll never know until you give it a try.

Talk a lot; listen more. I’ve heard folks say that we should say one word for every 10 our kids say to us.  That might not be a reality in some families, but it is a goal to shoot for.  Start the conversation, then let your teen take over.

Don’t freak out. Once your teen starts talking, he/she may say things that surprise or upset you.  Resist the urge to tell them why what they are  saying is wrong.  Play it cool and let them say what they want.  If you must freak out, do it later with another adult.  If the situation warrants more conversation with your teen, do it later when you’ve calmed down.

Good luck and have fun!  Teens are a full of interesting stories, insights, and emotions.  Relax and enjoy the ride.

Booty Pops

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A friend and psychologist colleague of mine, Dr. Millie Funderburk, was recently interviewed for a story on Booty Pops.  I have to admit, when she first told me about it I didn’t know what they were – shows you how out of it I am!  But as I read about it, I was fascinated by the trend, and even more intrigued by her thoughtful responses.

I encourage you to read the article on KUSA-TV Denver featuring Dr. Funderburk here.  But as a re-cap, she had this to say about Booty Pops:

“I think that it’s neat that we have different representations of bodies.” I agree.  It’s wonderful to see a wider range of body types celebrated (and in this case emulated).  Perhaps down the road, it will allow more women to be able to embrace their unique shapes and sizes.

“…while the girls may just be trying to look like the girl in the magazine, they could instead be asking for unwanted attention.” She wondered, “And are they aware of it – what they are attracting?” Such an important point.  Are young girls thinking through the consequences of showcasing their bodies (and their augmentations) in this way?  Whose eyes are they hoping to catch?

“This is what your body should look like, so if it doesn’t, buy our product and we’ll fix the flaw.” Wow.  How many times in a day are young girls and women bombarded with products, tips, and techniques aimed at this very thing?  Almost constantly.

So where does that leave us?

“…it is time for parents to engage in open conversations with their teens about body image, because the subliminal messages they are taking in now could follow them through life.”

“…parents should tell their children the path to real confidence starts on the inside.

“What we really try to encourage young women to do… is accept their body as it is, and focus on the function of their body, instead of the form.”

Couldn’t have said it any better myself – thanks Dr. Millie Funderburk!

 

Give Valentine’s Day A New Meaning

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The countdown has begun…just 3 more days until Valentine’s Day.  I’m not sure there is any more dreaded or maligned holiday than this one.  But in the spirit of coping with the winter blahs, I have a challenge: Give Valentine’s Day a New Meaning.

Instead of making Valentine’s Day about ooey-gooey, super-sappy, over-the-top romance – why not make it about love and friendship towards everyone in your life?  Sort of like a wintertime Thanksgiving – except that instead of turkey we have chocolate.  And instead of orange, brown, and green the colors are pink, white, and red.  And instead of Native Americans and pilgrims, we have…ummmm…more chocolate!

Need some ideas of how to give Valentine’s Day a new meaning to you and your family?

Make and send cards. Crafting cards of love and friendship is a great way to spend cold winter nights.  Break out the glitter, jewels, felt, and stickers  and have fun sending your love through the mail.  Don’t forget to make cards for your kids, your neighbors, your co-workers, your kids’ teachers, etc.  Who wouldn’t appreciate a little bit of love next week?

Restaurant night. Instead of going out for dinner with your partner, why not have a restaurant night at home with the whole gang?  Include the kids in a “fancy” dinner including candles, yummy food, placemats, and flowers.  Show your kids that Valentine’s Day can be celebrated as a family – and isn’t just for lovers.

Decorate the house. This winter has been a tough one and it’s not even close to over.  So why not brighten up the joint with some hearts, flowers, and other Valentine’s Day decor?  Brightening up your home will surely help lift a weary winter heart.

Serious stuff. In addition to the fun things above, why not use this time of year to talk to your kids about all-things-love?  Is it time to start talking to your children about dating and/or sex?  What do you want to teach your kids about how to behave in relationships?  What sorts of lessons are you teaching your children about romantic love through your own behaviors?  Try using TV shows, movies, videos, and songs as a springboard for these conversations.  Here’s a start:  Cee Lo Green’s “Forget You.” Lots to talk about here: What should you do for love, how do you manage heartbreak, how do you treat a past love, how do you know who’s right for you – the possibilities are endless.  Have fun!

Adios Amigo: The Importance of Unfriending

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One of my Facebook “friends” started out the new year by announcing that as part of his New Year’s resolutions he was going to be cleansing his Facebook account of all unwanted friends*.  At the end of his post he announced that his unwanted “friends” would know they didn’t make the cut when they no longer saw his (frequent) posts.  At first I thought: “How rude!” Why would he proclaim such a thing for all the world to see?  But as I thought about it more, it occurred to me how important this act really is.

Do any of us really have 647 friends?  Do we really want to know what some of those old high school classmates are doing?  Do we really want to hear about the neighbors’ kids’ little league stats after every game?  Do we really want to know that our old college friend can still fit into her wedding dress 15 years later?  Um…no.

So perhaps as we start a new year, in addition to organizing our closets, and coming up with creative resolutions, we can also try to remember the definition of a true friend:  Someone we really care for, and want the best for – and someone who wants the same for us.  Someone we would rather pick up the phone and talk to, or drive across town for – and not someone whose life we watch from a computer screen miles away.

And perhaps by clearing out the non-friends from our “friends” list, we can remember who – and what – is important in our lives.  What makes us happy and what relieves our stress?  If we are honest with ourselves, reading about far away people from our distant past only makes us out of touch with the people and things we truly care about in the here and now.

*I didn’t make the cut

…And One More Thing About Girlfriends…

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After having a little holiday celebration with one of my very best girlfriends, I realized I forgot something on the list of my last post.  And that something is: Girlfriends give you the confidence to shoot for the stars.  Aiming to run a marathon by the end of the year though you’ve never moved faster than a trot?  Planning to ask your boss for a raise?  Starting your own blog? Expanding your business? Publishing a book?  If you’re feeling less-than-confident about your dreams for 2011, check in with a girlfriend.  My hunch is that she will give you all the courage you need.

Is Sexier Always Better?

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I’m glad I waited until today to write my weekly post about Glee.  If I hadn’t, I would have missed out on the opportunity to put in my two cents about the pictures of Lea Michelle and Dianna Agron in GQ that were just released.

So, here’s my two cents: I’m sick of it.  I’m sick of the skin, the bras, and the in-your-face sexuality.  Why wasn’t it enough to watch these kids sing and dance in appropriate clothing – all while tackling some important and difficult issues?  Is it the entertainment industry that pushes for the sexier-is-better mindset – or is it us, the viewers?  Or both?

And what can we do in our homes to manage the onslaught of sexualized media images we see everyday?  I have written about this topic on the Your Mind. Your Body. blog, but for today, I think the lesson is: talk about it.  Rather than passively accepting these sexualized images, talk to your kids about them.  And while you’re at it, talk to your spouse, your friends, your sister, and mom.  How do they help their kids navigate the sexualized world in which we live – and how do they cope themselves?  Because our kids’ body images aren’t the only ones susceptible to the images we see around us – ours are too.