Inspirational Quotes: Not Cures for Depression

I was recently interviewed for a story over at Psych Central about depression in relationships.  Namely, how to tell if your partner is depressed and what you can do about it.  Check it out here:

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My favorite quote:

Depression is a highly treatable disorder but it can’t be resolved with an inspirational quote or poster

This is one of my biggest pet peeves, and is sadly encouraged by Pinterest, blogs (not this one of course :), and other feel-good publications.  I don’t mean to say feeling good isn’t a good thing, it’s just that poems about gratitude and pictures of kittens don’t do much to treat mental illness.  Sorry.  It’s the truth.

Cute? Yes.  Empirically-validated treatment for depression? No.

Cute? Yes.
Empirically-validated treatment for depression? No.

 

Snow and Mental Health

I guess not everyone dislikes winter!

I guess not everyone dislikes winter!

This has been a tough winter for much of the country.  Feet upon feet of snow and bitter cold temperatures, it’s enough to make even the hardiest of souls crave pool weather.  And if you live in a part of the country where (like Northern Colorado) spring is still at least a couple of months away, you might notice the weather taking a toll on your mood.

Many of us have heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a psychiatric disorder that is characterized by low mood, problems sleeping, changes in attention and irritability during the winter months.  SAD is a real, serious mental health diagnosis that can be successfully treated using a variety of strategies.  These include psychotherapy, light therapy, and psychiatric medication.

But what about those of us who don’t meet the criteria for SAD but,

JUST FREAKING HATE WINTER

What are we to do?  How do we keep our moods up and irritability down?

What do you do to make these winter months bearable?

 

Suicide and the Holidays

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I have spent way too much time in the last 5 days grieving people in my community who have taken their own lives.  It’s been horrible.

I don’t know if we (meaning my little town in Northern Colorado) are the norm or not, but we have been inundated with loss since the end of November.  We are all shaking our heads and wiping our eyes, and wondering the same things:

Why?

and

What could we have done differently?

Sadly, we won’t ever get answers to these questions (the cruel and heartless aftermath of suicide).  In fact, even the most expert of the experts on suicide struggle to know how best to prevent it.  So here’s my thought:

We have to talk about it

Often

With everyone

What I mean is: we need to talk with our kids about suicide and sadness and rash decisions from the moment they can understand such things (which is probably younger than we give them credit for).  We need to talk to our parents and grandparents and nieces and nephews.  We need to talk to our partners and spouses about coping with feelings of sadness and despair.  We need to make resources like this available and even prominent in our homes.

The holidays can be painful and lonely for so many of us.  But suicide never helps.

Reach out, talk and share.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-TALK

Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK

 

 

Mental Illness and the Holidays

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As soon as Halloween rolls around, psychologists around the country know to expect their phones to start ringing.  The combination of shorter days (and less sunlight), the time change and the impending holidays proves to be a tough mix for a lot of us.  As a result mood can go down, anxiety can go up and mental health can fly right out the window.

There are about a million reasons why the holidays can be hard on our mental health.  But contrary to popular opinion, it’s not just those who have lost a loved one who might struggle during this season.  It’s also those who have strained family relationships, those who struggle financially, those who aren’t where they thought they’d be at this point in life, and those who don’t feel they measure up at any point in the year – let alone this one.

The holidays are also tough on mental health because so much is expected of us.  We’re expected (often by ourselves AND others) to have perfect homes, perfect clothes, and perfect appetizers set on a perfectly-decorated table.  We’re also expected to have smiles on our faces, thanks in our hearts and plenty of joy and Christmas cheer to spread to everyone (even when we don’t feel it ourselves).  Some of us don’t get invited to any holiday gatherings and feel dejected about that.  Others get invited to so many parties that the entire month of December is spent in the car scurrying from one festivity to another.  Some have no one to celebrate with, others have plenty of people around – but not the one they wish were there.

No matter how you cut it, the holidays are tough on mental health.  For that reason, it’s important to be aware of the resources around us to help us get through until January 1st.  Here are a couple useful links:

Surviving the Holidays – With Flair

Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress – Produce for Kids

Tips for Parents on Managing Holiday Stress – APA

If times get really tough and you’re finding it hard to cope alone, consider reaching out to a psychologist.  Here’s how to find one close to you:

APA Psychologist Locator

Psychology Today

If you need to talk to someone right away, try:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Suicide Hotlines by state

 

Sadness Vs. Depression

Did you know that sadness and depression are not the same thing?

Sadness is an emotion that occurs in the course of a relatively happy, meaningful and contented life.  We feel sad when sad things happen (we lose our jobs, a friend dies, a relationship ends).

Depression is a mental health disorder made up of lots of different symptoms including trouble sleeping, self doubt, trouble concentrating and irritability.  Sadness, or low mood, can also be a symptom of depression BUT it doesn’t have to be present for someone to be depressed.  Strange, I know.

The whole thing is confusing because many of us use the words interchangeably.  Here are a couple examples:

The Broncos lost the Super Bowl and now my husband is sooooo depressed

He was actually sad – not depressed – in this situation

She’s just so sad all the time, she just stays in bed all day

When someone is sad and has low motivation and energy, it might be signs of depression – something much more than sadness

I recently spoke to Psych Central about the difference between sadness and depression.  Check out the full article here:

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Depressed? Just Get Over it!

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In honor of Mental Illness Awareness Week, (#MIAW) I decided to write a post about depression and why, when someone is depressed, they don’t just “get over it.”  After all, why can’t people who suffer from depression just “think positive,” “be grateful” or exercise more and – just like that – feel better?

Because depression is an illness.

And just like we would NEVER say to someone with diabetes, “Just don’t think about sugar!”

or to someone with high blood pressure, “Just visualize that number down!”

or someone with a Multiple Sclerosis, “It’s all in your head!”

…we must not trivialize depression as something that can be wished or willed away.  Instead, effective treatment for depression is often multi-pronged, involving psychotherapy, healthy lifestyle management and possibly medication.  Luckily, we have lots of great options for the treatment of depression, and many of them are covered by health insurance – making gaining access to care a real possibility for most people.

For what to do after being diagnosed with depression, see my article.

To read a true story about post partum depression, read here.

For more information about effective treatments for depression, see APA’s article.

For more information about using your health insurance for mental health treatment, see APA’s article.

 

 

 

 

Talking to Kids About Suicide

Suicide is a topic that no one likes to talk about, but it’s one we need to discuss – and not just when it affects a celebrity we love. I recently wrote a post for the American Psychological Association‘s blog, Your Mind. Your Body.  In it, I offered some tips for talking to your youngest family members about this tough topic.  Here’s a peek:

Don’t Be Afraid to Say It: Even when news of a celebrity’s death by suicide isn’t on the news, it is a part of everyday language. Kids are hearing about it at school, on the radio and online. So be brave and ask clear questions like: “Have you ever thought of suicide?” or “What would you do if you had thoughts of suicide?” It does no good to beat around the bush.

For more tips and strategies for talking to kids about suicide, check out the full post on Your Mind. Your Body.

Even when news of a celebrity’s death by suicide isn’t on the news, it is a part of everyday language. Kids are hearing about it at school, on the radio and online. So be brave and ask clear questions like: “Have you ever thought of suicide?” or “What would you do if you had thoughts of suicide?” It does no good to beat around the bush. – See more at: http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/talking-to-your-children-about-suicide/#sthash.48nKYGB4.dpuf

Don’t be afraid to say it.

Even when news of a celebrity’s death by suicide isn’t on the news, it is a part of everyday language. Kids are hearing about it at school, on the radio and online. So be brave and ask clear questions like: “Have you ever thought of suicide?” or “What would you do if you had thoughts of suicide?” It does no good to beat around the bush.

– See more at: http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/talking-to-your-children-about-suicide/#sthash.48nKYGB4.dpuf

Don’t be afraid to say it.

Even when news of a celebrity’s death by suicide isn’t on the news, it is a part of everyday language. Kids are hearing about it at school, on the radio and online. So be brave and ask clear questions like: “Have you ever thought of suicide?” or “What would you do if you had thoughts of suicide?” It does no good to beat around the bush.

– See more at: http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/talking-to-your-children-about-suicide/#sthash.48nKYGB4.dpuf

Andrew Solomon’s Interview with Peter Lanza

If you haven’t read Andrew Solomon’s interview with Peter Lanza (which appeared in The New Yorker on 3/17/2014), please take a look:

 

Andrew Solomon (who I have interviewed on this blog) is a fantastic writer, but more importantly in this case, a champion of parents and children.  Mr. Solomon’s book, Far From the Tree, provides poignant, inspiring and heart-breaking descriptions of what it is like to parent children who differ in significant ways from their parents.  It was a brilliant decision to have him interview Peter Lanza (Adam Lanza’s father).

In the interview he is caring and supportive, but doesn’t shy away from assigning some blame to Adam Lanza’s parents – after all, every child is a product of their parenting to some degree.  But he doesn’t do it in a gossipy, or a finger-pointing way.  Instead, he uses the available research on mass killings and mental health (though there is not much to be had), together with the love, pain and misunderstandings between all parents and children to help us comprehend what might have led to the tragedies of Sandy Hook.

Psychotherapy Myths: Busted

Psychotherapy and counseling are more a part of our lives than ever.  They’re talked about in TV shows, movies, the local paper and social media. Statements like:

I need to go to therapy!
She’s so crazy, she needs a shrink!
He needs to tell his psychologist about that!

are said all the time.

The thing is, there are lots of myths about therapy, psychologists, and counseling out there.  I am going to take it upon myself to be the the mythbuster today.  Here goes:

If you have at least one good friend you can’t benefit from therapy.  Friends are awesome, and those who have one or two good ones are lucky.  However, friends and mental health professionals are not equal. Why? Because sometimes there are things we aren’t comfortable sharing with our friends and we can’t guarantee that our friends will keep our secrets like a psychologist will.  Furthermore, sometimes we have problems (alcohol addiction, marital woes, difficulty with parenting) that our friends aren’t prepared to help with.

Read more about why your best friend can’t be your therapist.

All of your time in therapy will be spent talking about your mother.  Our moms have a lot to do with who we are (or aren’t) but it doesn’t mean that all your time in therapy will be spent talking about her.  Sometimes therapy sessions involve delving into the past, but not always. Some folks come into my office with very specific, present-oriented goals and that can work out just fine – no mom-talk necessary!

Read more about innovations in psychotherapy over the years.

You’ll have to lie on a couch – and that’s just weird.  OK, I admit that I do have a couch in my office (though I prefer to call it a “sofa”) but folks rarely lie down.  Gone are those Freud-inspired days when patients rambled on while lying on a tufted velvet couch with the psychotherapist taking notes behind them. Sitting on comfortable chairs while looking at each other face to face is the norm these days – often with Starbucks or Diet Coke in hand.  Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Read more about what to expect in your first session with a psychologist.

If you see a psychologist you will be branded “crazy” and that label will follow you around forever.  This is a valid concern. We’re all worried about our privacy – perhaps now more than ever.  The good thing is, psychotherapy services and diagnoses are confidential (with a few exceptions).  It’s important to really understand confidentiality and how it relates to your treatment, how you pay for treatment, and to whom your records are released when you enter therapy.  Just ask your psychologist for an explanation on your first visit (even better: before you make an appointment).  As for the “crazy” diagnosis? There’s no such thing!

Read more about first steps to take after being diagnosed with a mental illness.

Seeing a psychologist means you’re weak and can’t handle your own problems.  “Handling our own problems” entails lots of different things, but from time to time it means asking for help.  Sometimes it means asking your neighbor to watch your kids while you have a date night, or feed your bird while you’re on vacation.  Other times it means asking for help with managing an addiction or anxious thoughts.  It takes a lot of strength to reach out – perhaps even more than continuing to go it alone.

Read more about whether your drinking is problematic.

If you see a psychologist they can read – then change – your thoughts at will.  Oh, if only I had that kind of power (picture me smirking Dr. Evil-style).  OK, in all seriousness, I can’t read your thoughts and I certainly can’t change them to fit my own version of “right” and “wrong”.  What I can do is be an attentive listener and help you become more aware of your own thoughts, behaviors and moods.  And the hope is that I can assist you in changing yourself in ways that feel genuine and beneficial to you.  No dark powers involved.

Read more about what your psychologist really thinks about you.

Are there myths that I forgot?

Things you’ve wondered about in terms of mental health treatment?

Let me know!

7 Things Depressed Kids (and Their Parents) Need to Know

Dr. Deboarh Serani

Dr. Deborah Serani

Today I am welcoming Dr. Deborah Serani as a guest blogger! I recently reviewed Dr. Serani’s newest book, Depression and Your Child, which provides valuable information to parents, caregivers, teachers – really anyone who knows and loves kids – about depression in kids; including how to spot it and how to help. I am thrilled to have her guest post for me today, Welcome Dr. Serani!

Read on for 7 Things Depressed Kids (and Their Parents) Need to Know:
1. Understand the texture of feelings:  Many children in this era of super technology aren’t skilled at reading facial cues, understanding eye contact and  complex emotions. Studies show that children with depression struggle further, however, having difficulty differentiating the differences between different kinds of emotions. Sad is different than lonely. Lonely is different disappointed. Often, depressed children need help understanding the textures of emotions. When they become confident identifying their feelings, they can set into motion the best plan of action to improve their mood.

2. How to spot negative thinking: I like to teach children about the quality of their thoughts by using a thumbs up and thumbs down technique. Is what you’re thinking a good thought….one that would get a thumbs up from other people? “I studied for my test. But if I get a bad grade, it’s okay because I know I tried my best.” Or is it a hurtful or negative? One that really is untrue and realistic.  “It doesn’t matter if I studied. I’m stupid and I’ll fail the test anyway.”  Teaching children to catch the negative talk helps them approach every issue in life from a place of positivity.

3. How to use positive self-care: Learning to live with depression requires a child to be clever and ever-ready to use soothing ways to address sad moods. I find reminding children to use their 5 senses – sight, touch, hearing, taste and smell – really helps. Things like cozying up to a stuffed animal, hugging loved ones, snacking on healthy, flavorful foods, taking in the fresh air, listening to upbeat music and making time to see colors, nature and sunshine. All of these raise dopamine and serotonin levels improving mood, and teach children how to self-soothe.
4. Why exercise is important: The fatigue that comes with depression leaves kids tired and irritable. Physical complaints like aches and pains also knock them out for the count. When we take the time to teach children about the importance of physical exercise, it will become part of a lifelong skill-set. Be it playing tag with friends or catch with the dog, swimming or riding a bike, kick-boxing or yoga, or a simple walk, the shift in neurochemistry boosts mood.

5.  When too much of something isn’t good. It’s vital for kids to learn how too much of anything can upset the apple cart. For example, the fatigue of depression can leave children tired, with many prone to sleeping all day. Instead, children should learn that a nap is better than a full-on sleepfest. Some depressed children eat in excess, while others lose their appetite altogether. Both of these extremes are unhealthy. Too much crying, too much avoidance or too much irritability raises the stress hormone cortisol, which heightens anxiety and alertness. When we teach children to monitor their experiences with healthy limits, we give them the ability to balance and self-manage their well-being. Daily stickers for young ones and journaling for the older set can teach children how to better monitor symptoms and moods.

6.  Know the difference between a bad day and a sad mood: When depressed kids learn how to measure the moment, they learn that a sad mood doesn’t have to ruin a day. However, if they can’t shake off the sad mood – and the rest of the day feels like an epic fail, it’s great for kids to know that a bad day doesn’t equal a bad life. Tomorrow is a new day. One to be measured for its own value.

7.  How to let others know you need help. When children are depressed, they often don’t know how to reach out for support. Their fatigue and irritability dulls problem solving skills. Others might not feel they deserve help or would rather isolate themselves from family or friends. Depressed children need to know that everyone needs help now and then – and that no one can …or should… handle everything alone. I like to teach children to communicate their needs verbally and non-verbally. With words, through crying, by touch – it’s okay to show you others that you’re having a tough time.