Tag: what is psychotherapy

When You’re Too Embarrassed To Get Help

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I really wish I knew how many people think about starting therapy, but don’t actually do it.  Because my hunch is that it’s a whole heck of a lot.

We hear people talking about the stigma around mental illness and mental health treatment all the time, and honestly I think the one who suffers from this stigma is often ourselves.  Here’s what stigma against mental health treatment looks like when we use it on ourselves:

  • I should know how to fix this myself
  • I am a __________ (insert title: therapist, physician, teacher, etc), I should know how to deal with this on my own!
  • I am too smart to have anxiety (or depression)
  • I don’t have anything to feel worried or depressed about
  • I have good friends and a supportive family, I shouldn’t feel so bad

The fact is, public education about mental health has been so good in recent years, that most of us wouldn’t dream of saying any of the above statements to a friend, loved one, or stranger.  We know mental illness isn’t:

  • A choice
  • A weakness
  • A comment on one’s intelligence, place in the world or likeability

But yet some of us still say these unhelpful, untrue things to ourselves.  Why?  Because the stigma around mental illness still exists.  It’s fading for sure, but it has a long way to go.  So if you find that you are talking yourself OUT of getting mental health treatment, label those thoughts for what they are: junk.  Then pick up the phone and do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

To find a psychologist near you, check out APA’s Psychologist Locator service. It’s a free, easy place to start.

 

Why Therapy?

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“Therapy is a waste of time and money.”

“You don’t need therapy if you have good friends.”

“Therapists just want to change people into something they’re not.”

“I should be able to fix my problems myself.”

“I don’t believe in therapy.”

I have heard all these things in my 15+ years in the field of psychology.  And honestly I, too sometimes wonder what the heck therapy (and therapists!) are good for.  Does anything of real importance actually happen in the therapy office? Are people really helped by “talk therapy” or is it all a scam?  Would be all be better off just popping a pill and calling a psychic?

The answers to these questions are:

  • Powerful things can happen in therapy.
  • Yes, people are really helped by talking about their problems.
  • And, no, we’re not better off just popping pills.

Here are some of the reasons I believe therapy is so powerful:

  • There are few other situations in life in which you get to be the center of attention for a full hour.  Therapy is a time in which you get to call the shots, meaning: you get to choose what to talk about, how to talk about it, and when to move onto another topic.  I tell my clients that the therapy session is “their time” to do with whatever they like.  When else does that happen?
  • Talking to a therapist can seem like talking to a friend, at least at first.  But it differs in some important ways: your therapist doesn’t tell you about their own problems, fears, etc and your therapist doesn’t have a dog in the fight.  Meaning, it doesn’t matter to your therapist if you take job A or job B; choose boyfriend C or D; or quit calling your mother for 3 months.  Her feelings won’t be hurt no matter how you live your life.  Her main priority is that you improve your mental health.
  • The therapy office is a safe place to try out new ways of thinking, understanding and interacting with your world.  Because sharing your life with your therapist is just the first part of the therapy, the subsequent (and more interesting and transformative) parts include challenging your old ways of thinking and behaving in the hope of getting to a different place psychologically.  This takes time and effort – and yes, even a little discomfort at times – but is at the heart of the therapeutic process.
  • When push comes to shove I view myself as an educator.  I educate folks about all sorts of different things in the course of my typical day: child development, parenting, stress management, mental health – the list goes on and on.  Why read a million self help books when you can get a one-on-one tutoring session?

No doubt about it, therapy is a pretty weird and intimidating process.  But it’s powerful and worthwhile.  Want more information about psychotherapy and how it works? Check out more articles here.

 

Psychotherapy Myths: Busted

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Psychotherapy and counseling are more a part of our lives than ever.  They’re talked about in TV shows, movies, the local paper and social media. Statements like:

I need to go to therapy!
She’s so crazy, she needs a shrink!
He needs to tell his psychologist about that!

are said all the time.

The thing is, there are lots of myths about therapy, psychologists, and counseling out there.  I am going to take it upon myself to be the the mythbuster today.  Here goes:

If you have at least one good friend you can’t benefit from therapy.  Friends are awesome, and those who have one or two good ones are lucky.  However, friends and mental health professionals are not equal. Why? Because sometimes there are things we aren’t comfortable sharing with our friends and we can’t guarantee that our friends will keep our secrets like a psychologist will.  Furthermore, sometimes we have problems (alcohol addiction, marital woes, difficulty with parenting) that our friends aren’t prepared to help with.

Read more about why your best friend can’t be your therapist.

All of your time in therapy will be spent talking about your mother.  Our moms have a lot to do with who we are (or aren’t) but it doesn’t mean that all your time in therapy will be spent talking about her.  Sometimes therapy sessions involve delving into the past, but not always. Some folks come into my office with very specific, present-oriented goals and that can work out just fine – no mom-talk necessary!

Read more about innovations in psychotherapy over the years.

You’ll have to lie on a couch – and that’s just weird.  OK, I admit that I do have a couch in my office (though I prefer to call it a “sofa”) but folks rarely lie down.  Gone are those Freud-inspired days when patients rambled on while lying on a tufted velvet couch with the psychotherapist taking notes behind them. Sitting on comfortable chairs while looking at each other face to face is the norm these days – often with Starbucks or Diet Coke in hand.  Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Read more about what to expect in your first session with a psychologist.

If you see a psychologist you will be branded “crazy” and that label will follow you around forever.  This is a valid concern. We’re all worried about our privacy – perhaps now more than ever.  The good thing is, psychotherapy services and diagnoses are confidential (with a few exceptions).  It’s important to really understand confidentiality and how it relates to your treatment, how you pay for treatment, and to whom your records are released when you enter therapy.  Just ask your psychologist for an explanation on your first visit (even better: before you make an appointment).  As for the “crazy” diagnosis? There’s no such thing!

Read more about first steps to take after being diagnosed with a mental illness.

Seeing a psychologist means you’re weak and can’t handle your own problems.  “Handling our own problems” entails lots of different things, but from time to time it means asking for help.  Sometimes it means asking your neighbor to watch your kids while you have a date night, or feed your bird while you’re on vacation.  Other times it means asking for help with managing an addiction or anxious thoughts.  It takes a lot of strength to reach out – perhaps even more than continuing to go it alone.

Read more about whether your drinking is problematic.

If you see a psychologist they can read – then change – your thoughts at will.  Oh, if only I had that kind of power (picture me smirking Dr. Evil-style).  OK, in all seriousness, I can’t read your thoughts and I certainly can’t change them to fit my own version of “right” and “wrong”.  What I can do is be an attentive listener and help you become more aware of your own thoughts, behaviors and moods.  And the hope is that I can assist you in changing yourself in ways that feel genuine and beneficial to you.  No dark powers involved.

Read more about what your psychologist really thinks about you.

Are there myths that I forgot?

Things you’ve wondered about in terms of mental health treatment?

Let me know!

Why Your Best Friend Can’t Be Your Psychologist

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I think I might be inadvertently starting the Dr. Deb fan club.  After reviewing her superb book and interviewing her for a post earlier in the week, I came across this article.  She wrote What to Expect in Psychotherapy for Psychology Today’s blog.  It is seriously THE BEST article I have seen about psychotherapy in a long time – maybe ever.

In her article she writes about the differences between a psychotherapist and a friend (hint: it’s not just the money).  She also highlights the often-forgotten point that participating in therapy can often make you feel worse, not better – at least in the short term.  She also writes about the HARD WORK it takes to be a successful psychotherapy patient, meaning one who is able to achieve the change they seek in their lives.

Sometimes folks seek therapy thinking that their therapist will give them answers, tell them what to do, and be the best friend they may or may not already have.  Dr. Deb reminds us that this isn’t true. Psychologists are well-trained health care providers – “Olympic medal listeners” she calls us.  Therapy can be a long, arduous process.  In fact, we may not always want to go to our psychotherapy appointments (much like we don’t always want to go to the gym, or visit the dentist), but in the end – if we are committed to the process – our health improves as a result.