Tag: erie therapist

High School Pressure and Glee

Photo by Glee on Fox

Wow.  A lot of potential blog topics were presented on last night’s Glee episode, Asian F.  The one that stuck with me was how they portrayed the pressure the seniors in the New Directions are under.  Pressure to make their mark at school, pressure to find out who they really are, pressure to get accepted into the best college, pressure to pick a career path.  Watching Rachel, Kurt, Finn, and Brittany struggle with these issues brought up memories of my own senior stressors.  Ugh…it wasn’t pretty.

So how can you assist the high schoolers in your life keep things in perspective?

Focus on relationships.  In last night’s episode, Kurt reminded us that it’s not all about accomplishments, but that friendships and treating folks right is important too.  Making and keeping friends, building relationships with mentors, and learning how to successfully interact with others is a crucial part of high school – even though you won’t earn a grade.

There are multiple ways to get there.  Have a child who yearns to be a singer?  Let her know that there are lots of ways to make that happen.  Enrolling in a music conservatory, majoring in music at the local college, or simply singing in the church choir are all ways to incorporate music into her life.  The idea that she HAS to get into one school or program in order to achieve her dreams is a good way to reach stress overload.

Life is long.  Luckily, most of us live fairly long lives.  This means that we have plenty of time to make mistakes, try lots of things, and change our minds a time or two.  Very few 17 year olds know what they want to do with their lives, and that’s OK!  Try to maintain a sense of adventure and openness with your children rather than forcing them to make decisions before it’s developmentally or emotionally appropriate.

Don’t get too attached.  It’s easy as a parent to become attached to ideas our children bring up.  Your son mentions he would like to be a doctor and you assume that will be his reality.  But remember, his job is to change his mind and try out new ideas.  Go with the flow and don’t cling to any idea too hard.  It will drive you both crazy.

Do you know a high school senior frantically trying to bulk up their credentials to get into college?  Know any who are struggling to figure out who they are and what’s important to them?  How do you help them cope?

 

Asperger’s Disorder and Glee

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The on-line world is a-buzz with the recent addition to the Glee cast: Sugar Matta – a high schooler “self-diagosed” with Asperger’s Disorder.  It seems that many Asperger’s and Autism advocates are taking offense to the way Glee is portraying the disorder (see Marfan Mom’s post and Full Soul Ahead’s complaints).  There are others who believe Sugar’s character is funny and should be taken in a humorous way (see Glee’s own community forum).

My thoughts? I think mental health problems, issues, and disorders can be presented in a light-hearted manner.  They can even be talked about in humorous ways.  In fact, I think humor is a great way to get important information across, normalize different conditions, and just make things plain fun.  The sticking point is that the information MUST be accurate and sensitive to the individuals affected.  My concern with Glee and Sugar Matta is that the portrayal of Asperger’s is poorly informed, potentially insensitive, and wrong.

So what is Asperger’s anyway?

Asperger’s is a disorder that people are born with, meaning you can’t “catch it” or develop it as an adult.  Some people talk about Asperger’s as being on the “Autism Spectrum” meaning that it has quite a few similarities to Autism.

Here are some traits typically seen in people who are diagnosed with Asperger’s.  By the way, self-diagnosis doesn’t really count.  Mental health professionals (like psychologists or psychiatrists) are typically the ones who make these types of diagnoses:

Difficulty interpreting non-verbal cues/behaviors in others (facial expressions, body language). For example, not understanding that when someone is backing away that means they are likely finished talking with you.

Trouble making friends with peers.

Lack of interest in making friends or sharing experiences with others. 

Trouble with the give and take necessary for a successful relationship.  For example, difficulty taking turns, sharing, or seeing another person’s point of view.

Repetitive patterns of behavior or activities.  For example, playing with the same toy train in the same way for many hours over many days.

Expressing overly focused interest in things that are unusual.  For example, a 10 year old boy spending lots of time (to the exclusion of other things) listening to and learning about the Spice Girls.

Adherence to routines or rules that might not make sense to others.  

Repetitive movements.  For example, arm flapping.

Intense interest in parts of objects (rather than the whole object).  For example, the screws on a skate board.

I hope the folks over at Glee take the time to listen to the public’s concerns and make Sugar’s character more reflective of what Asperger’s is really about.  They’ve done a great job helping normalize Down’s Syndrome with Becky’s character.  Let’s see if they’re up to the challenge with Sugar, too.

 

Teen Depression and Glee

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Photo by: Glee on Fox

Yippee! Yahoo! Hooray! Glee is back for Season 3! And now that I have done my “research” for this post by watching the episode several times, I am ready to write something about the season premiere.

While I enjoyed the song selection, the number featuring Blaine, and the look of the purple pianos in last week’s episode, what really got me was the transformation of Quinn’s character.  It’s not just that I have a fondness for pink hair (I really do!), but I was both relieved and energized to see the writers doing something different with her character.  In case you don’t remember, Quinn has been through a lot in 2 years: she got pregnant, was kicked out of her house, gave her baby up for adoption, and had her heart broken by longtime boyfriend, Finn.  It was also revealed that she had a childhood history of weight problems and had plastic surgery as a youngster.  Finally, in this episode Quinn is appearing to deal with these events as many of us would: with psychological and emotional turmoil.

We have yet to learn if Quinn is actually depressed (dying one’s hair isn’t necessarily a sign of depression), but here are some things we can look out for as the season progresses to help us know for sure.  These are also good warning signs for the real teens in your life:

Change in interests.  Kids that used to love glee club, soccer, or chess may no longer be interested/find pleasure in these things.  It’s normal for kids’ interests to change over time, it’s concerning when the change is drastic and sudden.

Isolation.  Is your child spending more and more time alone in their room?  Is he turning down invitations from friends, or have the invitations stopped altogether? It’s time to step in.

Poor confidence.  Unfortunately, adolescence does a number on most kids’ confidence levels.  However, if your child seems to be suffering from particularly low self esteem, such that it makes it tough for them to do things (socialize, complete school work, try new things), it might be a warning sign.

Substance use. Many of us equate experimentation with alcohol and tobacco with the teen years.  However, if your child is using substances regularly (like once a week), it could be a sign that they are struggling with their mood and looking for ways to cope.

Changes in eating or sleeping.  Eating and sleeping too much or too little can be a warning sign that something has changed in your child’s psychological health.  Sleeping late one morning isn’t a big deal, not being able to get out of bed for 2 or 3 days is.

Irritability.  None of us are pleasant all the time, and it is a teen’s job to question adults’ decisions and figure out boundaries.  However, if your teen has recently become unusually irritable or angry, lashes out verbally or physically, or is unable to enjoy people and activities she used to because of the irritability, this could be a warning sign of depression.

Thoughts of harm.  If your teen even hints at a thought of wanting to harm themselves, or if you find any blogs/posts/tweets/updates suggesting a desire to die, stop living, or “end things” it is time to take action immediately.  It is better to be safe in these situations, so if you suspect your child is having suicidal thoughts of any kind, take them to the emergency room right away.

 

Alcohol: How Much is Too Much?

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Alcohol is everywhere.  People compare drinking stories, advertisements for liquor are all over TV, and bars abound in almost every town (there is even one next door to my office!).  With the prevalence of alcohol and alcohol-related activities in our society, it can be hard to know when one’s alcohol use has gone from fun and recreational to dangerous and addictive.  Here are some warning signs that one’s alcohol use has crossed over into unhealthy territory:

“Whoa. I didn’t mean to have that much.”  People with alcohol problems may find themselves drinking more than they intended on a regular basis.  What starts out as a trip to the bar with the plan to have “just one,” turns into a whole night’s worth of drinking.  This might happen with greater and greater frequency.

“I’m going to quit tomorrow.  Just like I did last week.”  People with an addiction or dependence on alcohol may make deals with themselves, (“I’m going to quite tomorrow”) that they then find hard to keep.  A desire to stop drinking paired with several unsuccessful attempts to do so is a sign of problemed use.

“I just need to grab something across town.”  People who have problems with alcohol will often spend quite a bit of time obtaining it.  For example, they might have a circuit of liquor stores in which they buy the booze.  They may also be adept at telling stories about why they were late to the birthday party (the traffic was terrible, there was an accident, I had to run in to work) rather than admitting they stopped at the bar beforehand.

“I used to love to play tennis.”  Alcoholism is a time consuming pursuit and doesn’t leave much time for other hobbies.  People with drinking problems will often give up previously fun activities in order to spend time drinking.

“I know it’s causing problems, but I just can’t give it up.”  People who use alcohol in unhealthy ways often recognize the detrimental effects of their drinking.  It may be causing them physical, emotional, or psychological harm, but even that knowledge doesn’t help them put the bottle down.

For more information on alcoholism, check out the APA Help Center.

For more information on alcohol treatment, go to Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

Family Rules

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I am a big fan of creating family rules.  What I’m talking about is this: What is important to your family?  What makes you different from the other families on your street?  What values, customs, traditions are essential for you to pass on to your kids?  I often encourage families with whom I work to outline a few (like 3-5) rules for their family that can serve as guidelines when it comes to big decisions like how to spend money or discipline children.

As I believe so strongly in defining rules for our families, I was thrilled to see some rules posted at a friend’s house recently:I was inspired at the thought that went into the guidelines and how they reflected what I know to be important to her family (and also how creative she was at displaying them!).

One of the neatest thing about developing your own family rules is that the process can be a family affair.  Get the kids involved and take your time choosing just the right words to reflect your family’s values.  Most importantly: have fun (hmmm…maybe that’s a family value of mine?)!

Some other ideas of family rules to get your started:

  • Exercise your body, drink plenty of water, and eat fruits and vegetables everyday
  • Treat all people with respect – even if you don’t understand or agree with what they are doing
  • Incorporate your faith into everything you do
  • Use kind words and actions at all times

Building Confidence in Kids

I’m excited to announce that I am now a Parents on Produce advisor at Produce for Kids!  Produce for Kids is a great organization ” dedicated to educating families on the benefits of healthy eating and supporting worthy causes for children.”  Among other things, Produce for Kids publishes yummy kid-friendly recipes like this “Ideal Meal” that you can find at your local grocery store or on their website:

Photo by Produce for Kids

As part of my job as a Parents on Produce advisor, I will be writing tips, articles and blogs for both Produce for Kids and PBS Parents (an awesome resource for parents of young kids!).  Check out my latest article on Building Confidence in Kids over at PBS Parents.  If you like what you see, sign up to receive more tips through PBS’s Eat Smart for a Great Start Challenge.

Photo by PBS Parents

 

Traveling for Gratitude

Traveling is good for our mental health.  It gives us a break from our day to day routines, it exposes us to different ideas and cultures, and it allows us to build memories with our family and friends.  Last week I traveled from my home in suburban Colorado to rural Kentucky for a wedding.  In the midst of my trip it occurred to me that travel is good for something else, too: gratitude.  Gratitude for home, gratitude for other people and places; traveling can an opportunity to open our eyes to the things that are good about the world.

There’s no doubt about it, rural Kentucky culture couldn’t be more different than suburban Colorado culture.   The sharp contrast made it easy for me to find some things about both places to be grateful for.

A few things that made me grateful for home:

Photo by Jesse Varner

Resources.  As I made an unexpected visit to the hospital on my trip, I realized how lucky I am to have new, clean, and efficient medical care so close to my home.  I am also fortunate to live in a community that believes is supporting schools, public libraries, and recreation so that I am never at a loss for things to do and never have to worry that my children are getting the best opportunities.  I am grateful because this is not the case everywhere.

“Home cooking.”  I like to think of myself as easy-to-please when it comes to food.  The truth is, I am a bit (sigh) high maintenance.  As I spent time in the land of fried green tomatoes, biscuits and gravy, and hot browns, I became grateful for the abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables near my home that better suit my palate.

Wide open spaces.  Kentucky is a seriously beautiful place.  But it can’t compare to Colorado; sorry to those who disagree.  It is rare that I visit a place that I think is prettier than my home state.  Perhaps that’s the thing about being grateful for home though, it makes it seem like the most gorgeous place in the world.

A few things that made me grateful for Kentucky:

Photo by Kentucky APWA

Attitude.  I find Coloradans to be pretentious and snobby at times.  I didn’t see that at all in rural Kentucky.  The folks seemed to be more interested in living their lives, taking care of themselves and their families, and having fun than to bother with the high-brow attitude I sometimes encounter in Colorado.  What a breath of fresh air.  I hope I can remember their easy going attitude the next time I take myself too seriously.

Family.  Many of the folks I know in Colorado have moved here to escape overbearing mothers, annoying fathers, and other less-than-desirable family situations.  I didn’t see that so much in Kentucky.  Rather, families stayed living within driving distance of one another, no matter how irritating.  It’s easy to take our families for granted, but most of us would agree that having a sense of gratitude for the positives they bring to our lives is a better stance.

Manners.  “Would you like another glass of sweet tea, ma’am?”  I never get sick of the good manners in the south.  I wish they would catch on all over the country.  There’s just something about showing respect for each other in our speech patterns and behavior that seems like a more civilized – and healthy – way to live.

A few things that made me grateful to be an American:

Photo by jcolman

Traveling home on September 11, 2011 was a little anxiety-provoking.  Seeing video footage of the planes flying into the World Trade Center while sitting in the airport didn’t make it easier.  But in the end, I was left with a profound sense of gratitude that as an American I have a government that really cares about my safety even though I haven’t really done anything to deserve that concern.  I’m grateful that there are competent TSA agents who check our bags before we board planes, and highly trained pilots flying up-to-date aircraft so that I can zip around the country on a whim.  And I’m grateful to know that – as we learned on September 11, 2001 – the vast majority of Americans care about each other and will do what needs to be done in moments of crisis.  Whether it be attacking a terrorist, clearing debris from a disaster site, giving blood, donating money, or praying for each other – Americans care for each other when care is needed.  I’m so grateful for that.

 

 

Homework: A Psychologist’s Perspective

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Photo by: Peapodsquadmom

 

I have written before about my thoughts on homework.  Mainly, I’m against it.  At least for elementary schoolers, and possibly even for middle schoolers.  I can see the benefits of homework for high schoolers.  Reading literature, working on calculus problems, and writing up science experiments seem like worthy ways to spend time for the high school set.  But “work sheets” for young kids and tweens mostly seem like a waste of time.

In talking to a colleague the other day (who shared my opinion), I tried to come up with a few guidelines for when I think homework might be appropriate for kids.  Admittedly, I am not an educator and don’t share their expertise and perspective on homework (I am open to comments!).  This is what I think from the perspective of a psychologist:

Goals.  There should be a clear goal when homework is given.  Homework for homework’s sake is not a good enough reason for me.  There should be a compelling reason that children need to crack open the books at home.

Priorities.  I am always hopeful that teachers and administrators keep in mind that each minute a child spends doing homework is one less minute they can spend: exercising, spending quality time with family, engaging in music lessons, volunteering in the community, preparing healthy meals, relaxing, engaging in imaginative play, and/or getting the sleep they need to grow and thrive.  Is the homework assigned more important than those things?  If not, then it can probably be skipped.

Development.  In order for homework to be an effective teaching tool, children should be able to remember they have homework, be able to read the assignment and understand the task, complete the assignment with minimal (if any) parental help, put the work in their bag, and return it to their teacher – all without assistance.  If they require more than minimal parental assistance on any of these steps – they are just too young!  Homework should not be an added burden for the parents and/or a daily potential fight between family members – but an adjunct to the hours spent in school.

Teachers, parents, educators – what am I missing?  Are there reasons for assigning homework that I am missing?  Other guidelines you employ when deciding whether or not to assign homework?