Tag: erie therapist

The Power of a Single Moment

Image by Pabo76 via Flickr

Did you see Glee this week?  It was the much-anticipated Michael Jackson episode – and it was pretty darn good! The part of the show I’m focusing on is not MJ, however, but a conversation that took place between Kurt and his dad Bert.  Bert is one of my favorite characters because his advice and relationship with his gay son is never what one would expect given his tough, mechanic exterior.  During this episode he brought Kurt the good news that he had been short-listed for admission into his college of choice.  Bert said to his son something like:  “This will be one of the moments that changes the course of your life and you will remember it forever.”

It got me thinking about the power of single moments in life.  Can one moment, one action, one exchange, one event really change the course of our lives?  You bet.  And the cool thing is that these moments often aren’t what we think they might be.  Sure getting married, or divorced, or having a baby, experiencing a death are all life-changing events – but so are “smaller,” seemingly less significant events.

In the spirit of Glee, a single moment that changed my life was when I discovered that I had made it into my high school’s show choir.  Even now, many years later, I see this as a pivotal moment in my life.  It shaped my high school experience, provided me with friends I count among my closest to this day, and – perhaps most importantly – gave me the confidence to do lots of other things in life.

The other cool thing about single moments that change our lives is that they are fun to look back on and reminisce about. It can even be entertaining to play the “what-if” game (i.e., what if I never would have made the choir and gone out for volleyball instead?).

What are some of moments that have changed the course of your life?

Talking with Kids About Trauma

Kids are surrounded by traumatic situations – heck, we all are.  It’s tough to watch the nightly news without hearing about some horrendous murder, or a terrible house fire, or a car accident.  So how do you talk to your kids about these things?  What about when the accident/tragedy/loss hits closer to home? I posted some tips on how to talk to kids about trauma over at Your Mind. Your Body. this week – take a look.

Photo by: mikemcilveen

This Baby is Boring!

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Before you start reading this post, I want to make a suggestion: If you are a “baby person” (i.e., you “just can’t get enough of babies,” “could’ve had 10 babies,” “never tire of babies,” then this post is not for you.  In fact, you might want to go ahead and navigate away from this page now…

For the rest of you, this post might be for you.  Sure it’s not a very popular/PC/cool thing to say, but the fact of the matter is, babies are boring, yep B-O-R-I-N-G.  I’ve felt it myself, and I’ve heard others admit it too.  It can be tough to stay excited and engaged around a baby (especially if you are with them for hours on end).  Yea, they’re cute and cuddly, and they are surely a lot of work, but they’re not very stimulating and typically prefer doing lots of nothing – which means you as the caregiver do lots of nothing, too.

So, does it make you a bad parent if you:

1. Think your baby is boring

2. Check the clock every 2 minutes to see how much more time you have to be with your baby alone

3. Wish their infant stage away so that you can just play catch already?

NO! NO! NO! Definitely not!

 

And, does it make you a bad parent if you:

1. Don’t like making baby talk

2. Don’t know how to play with a 3 month old

NO! NO! NO! Definitely not!

Luckily, babies are super forgiving and can be entertained in lots of ways…and they don’t all involve Baby Einstein videos and rattles.  It’s important to talk to our babies and we all know reading to them from a young age is what we are supposed to do.  But no one ever said what the reading material had to be.  So why can’t it be things like US Weekly, The Shabby Chic Home, or Sports Illustrated (just random examples, of course)?  And my idea of quality baby time definitely includes walking the stroller down the street or through the mall so that mom (or dad) can get some exercise.

So, if you’re bored by your baby, know that you’re not alone.  They ARE boring.  But they’re wonderful, too.  And as anyone who has had a baby can tell you, they do grow up and get more interesting and intellectually stimulating – you might even yearn for those baby days when you had nothing but time.  Or maybe not – and that’s OK too.

 

How Do I Know If I Am Stressed?

The American Psychological Association released their annual Stress in America survey today.  Results suggest that we Americans are way too stressed out and that stress is having serious negative consequences.  Chronic, long term stress can affect every system of our bodies: digestive, cardiac, musculoskeletal, and of course brain health can be seriously jeopardized when we are subjected to stress over the long term.  To read more about APA’s Stress in America survey, including how your city rates in terms of stress, click here.

We all know stress is bad, but how do you know if your stress level is too high?  What are the signs and symptoms of stress?  Well, we all experience it differently, and some of the signs of excessive stress may surprise you.  Here are a few to watch out for:

Difficulty concentrating (i.e., trouble focusing on your favorite TV show or book due to worries and stressful thoughts)

Excessive worry (i.e., going overboard in the amount of time you spend worrying about things, assuming the worst about things)

Overeating/undereating (i.e., eating when you’re not hungry, or losing interest in food)

Trouble with sleep (i.e., sleeping too much OR too little)

Trouble managing anger (i.e., losing your cool more quickly than normal)

Irritability (i.e., snapping at your kids or partner more than usual)

Inability to enjoy things you used to (i.e., too stressed out to enjoy weekly manicure)

Isolation (i.e., stop returning friends’ phone calls because you’re “too stressed” or “too busy” to talk)

Other signs of stress can include: difficulty doing just one thing at a time, trouble staying “in the moment,” and an increase of physical ailments (headaches, stomachaches, etc).

 

Role Models for 2012

Good role models are hard to come by.  TV news, print media, and the internet are filled with stories of people making bad decisions, acting selfishly, and treating others poorly.  It can get downright depressing watching all this bad behavior.  It makes me wonder who my kids might look up to as they grow up.  Are there any “good” people out there anymore?

The answer is yes.  There are plenty.  In fact, there are probably many more kind, giving people in the world than there are nasty ones – we just don’t hear about them much.  So I’ve tried to come up with several of my favorite make-me-happy, positive-role-model type folks.  Here are a few:

Ron Weasley.  Ok, so he’s not a “real” person – but a good role model nonetheless.  Sure, his BFF Harry Potter was the easy pick, but Ron’s the one I really like.  He’s less popular than Harry, not as smart, rich, or athletic, but he is a true and constant friend.  He has a sort of stick-to-it-iveness that I admire, and he isn’t above admitting his mistakes.  On top of all that, he gets the girl in the end.

The Cast of Glee.  All my regular readers know that I am a HUGE gleek.  One of the reasons I like the show is its unabashed enthusiasm and happiness.  Could a show choir really be a show choir without those qualities?  Probably not – with all those jazz hands and everything.  Glee has the added benefit of promoting acceptance of differing cultural backgrounds, sexual preference, and physical and cognitive ability.  Keep it up, Glee!

Tim Tebow.  Colorado has pretty much gone crazy for Tim Tebow.  I have to admit that I am on the bandwagon, too.  Now, I don’t know enough about football to be able to analyze Tebow’s quarterbacking skills, but what I do know is that my mother (never previously a football fan), and 2 young daughters (who still have trouble telling football and basketball apart) all have Tebow Fever.  Why?  Because of his positive energy and his refusal to say or do the negative things his colleagues often do.  He’s grateful, humble, a super hard worker, and I once heard him say “golly” in an interview.  Now that’s someone to look up to.

Photo: timtebow.com

Lady Gaga/Taylor Swift.  These two singers are likely not friends, but they embody several things that are important to me in female role models: They are smart, mature, and successful – and they don’t make excuses about it.  If you’ve never seen interviews with Ms. Gaga or Ms. Swift, I highly suggest watching one on YouTube.  While both are in their twenties, they are poised and well-spoken and know exactly what they are doing with their careers.  In addition they are supremely grateful to their fans, and stick up for the underdogs among us.  Sing on, ladies!

Who am I missing? Who are your favorite role models?

 

Profanity in the Media Can Lead to Profanity in Real Life

Did you the recent study finding that teens’ exposure to profanity on television can lead to increased profanity use in their own lives?  The study also found the same correlation with aggression, both physical (hitting, kicking) and relational (gossiping).  The study was published in the journal Pediatrics.

The Chart, one of my favorite medical blogs also wrote a piece about the article, in which they interviewed one of the authors, Dr. Sarah Coyne.  She concluded that in light of this study, parents need to be “a little bit more aware” of what their kids are watching.

To this I just have to say: “duh.”  Sorry for the not-so-scientific and not-particularly-professional word, but come on!  Of course parents need to be super vigilant about what kinds of media their kids are consuming.  And while I am appreciative of the study and its findings, did any of us really doubt that what children (and adults for that matter) watch affects their behavior?

I have written before about the difficulty I have had in finding appropriate things for my children to watch.  There seem to be fewer and fewer programs that are free of the things I don’t want (profanity, violence, sarcasm, entitlement, rudeness, disrespect) and full of the things I do want (humor, positive relationships, strong characters) and are at the same time entertaining.

Since my last post on the topic I have heard from several folks with suggestions on fun, entertaining programming that can be shared with the entire family.  Some ideas (thanks readers!):

American Idol

Family Ties

Family Matters

Growing Pains

“Vintage” cartoons (Scooby-Doo, Jetsons, Flintstones, Smurfs, Looney Tunes)

Supernanny

Sporting events (football, baseball, etc)

Wild Kingdom (or other shows about animals and nature)

Want some more ideas? Head over to Common Sense Media for tips and ratings on all sorts of media outlets and how to incorporate them into your family’s life in healthy ways.

Communicating with Your Child’s Teachers

Today’s post is written by Bonnie Leaf, MA.  Ms. Leaf is a special education teacher and owner of Access to Achieve an education services consulting firm outside of Denver, CO.  Ms. Leaf’s post is part of this week’s series on student information systems.

As a parent and educator, I have a unique perspective on Infinite Campus and how it can be used to its fullest potential.  Here’s the tough part: Infinite Campus (IC) does not come with a user’s manual.  It is up to parents to learn how to use it as a tool to keep as up-to-date as possible with how their child is doing in school.  Here are some basics and strategies I have learned over the years:

Have a user name and password.  By October, most schools have helped parents set up their username and password, and have showed them how to access IC.  If you haven’t done this, contact your child’s school and set up your account.  By the way, your child should have their own username and password to access the system, too.

Image by Thisischris.com

Check IC weekly.  Teachers typically ask that parents set a routine for checking grades about once weekly with their child.  Since your child knows the most up-to-date information, it is best to review grades with him or her so that you get the correct information.  There is usually a story to be told within a weekly grade report and your child can tell that story.  If you want to know how your child is doing aside from a grade, ask questions and don’t jump to conclusions.  Some classes do not lend themselves to entering new grades weekly or bimonthly.  Art, for example, could be based more on long term projects.

Understand how a grade book is divided into different sections and how each section is assigned a weighted percentage of the total grade.   Teachers assign a title and weighted percentage to each section of their grade book.  Summative assessments like projects and tests are usually assigned more weight than classwork and homework.  If your child’s teacher lists homework as part of a grade, know if the grade is for completion only or if it is graded for correctness.  The category and weight of a section tells a story as well.  The value of an assignment, test, quiz, or project lets you know where the emphasis lies.

Know how to read and interpret IC.  Teachers often enter the name of an assignment on the grade book yet leave the grade space blank if that assignment has not been completed or graded.  If an assignment is missing, some teachers will write “M,” “Missing,” “O,” or leave a blank space where the grade should be.  Ask your child and/or teacher for clarification.

Look for patterns.  Assignments, such as current events; or quizzes, such as spelling, can tell a story.  Look beyond the grade to see how your child is preparing for the weekly assignments and quizzes.  Over time, your child should be developing a system  that becomes more efficient as the year progresses.  If your child continues to get the same grade weekly (or they get worse), examine the system with your child and help them tweak it for better results.

Avoiding Schoolwork Battles

Today’s post is written by Dr. Bridget Engel, clinical psychologist in Erie, CO.  Dr. Engel specializes in working with children, families, and couples.  She is also the author of Counselor’s Corner, a mental health blog.  Dr. Engel’s post is part of this week’s series on student information systems.  

Here we are.  We are already a month plus into school.  The new-ness of the school year is starting to wear off and most everyone is settled into the familiarity of fall.  And I have already spoken with parents who’ve had to wage war with their son or daughter about missing assignments and poor grades.  That’s an age old conflict that goes back many generations.  What’s new is that many of these parents now have access to Infinite Campus technology, hosted through their school district, to stay up-to-date and informed about their child’s academic progress.

Image by Thisischris.com

While Infinite Campus and other tech-based information tools are wonderful in allowing parents to stay engaged in their child’s education, many parents I’ve talked to describe emotional arguments with their kids sprinkled with excuses, debates about it’s accuracy, and circular clashes about how recently it’s been updated by various teachers.  So are you ready to reduce the family feud about homework and missing assignments?  Here are some things to think about:

● Infinite Campus is technology, and only that.  It doesn’t replace a relationship built with your child’s teacher.  Your child’s teacher is the one that spends seven hours a day with your son or daughter.

● Your kid may be right.  Academic databases are often incorrect.  Don’t forget that there is an overwhelmed person behind Infinite Campus who is busy teaching your child.  Sometimes they don’t get all the grades entered.  Be careful about wearing your combat gear at the front door waiting for your child to come home, armed only with what you’ve seen on the computer.

● Be careful about becoming dependent on computer-based technology as your academic babysitter.  Whether your child has missing assignments or not, technology does not replace real life skills.  If your child is struggling to get homework completed or turned in, focus instead on teaching your child how to become more organized, self-sufficient, and independent.

● Watch for warning signs that you are power struggling with your kids about school assignments and grades, especially if it is happening frequently.  Do not get lulled into thinking that lecturing your child or monitoring every move from Infinite Campus is helping them.  Lecturing helps parents feel better;  It very rarely creates behavior change in kids.  Challenge yourself to step back and examine your approach, your goals and your values.

● Think about the whole, rather than the parts.  It’s easy to get focused on the small details and converge on every single assignment.  Would you want your boss to examine and challenge you on every single paper that crossed your desk at work?  Few people grow when micro-managed.  Highlight the end product instead.  Your child is an individual and may do things differently than you.  As long as they are learning something throughout the year and earning acceptable grades, perhaps it’s ok to remark about those missing assignments but refrain from waging war at the dinner table because the Huckleberry Finn poem didn’t get turned in.

Managing Your Student’s Information

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Image by ThisisChris.com

Welcome to Student Information Systems Week! This week we are going to be hearing from experts on how to manage your student’s grades through the online programs many schools are now using.  In my neck of the woods, everyone seems to be using Infinite Campus.  Boy do I hear a lot about it in my neighborhood, on the street, and in my office.  Some folks love this technological tool that allows parents and students to view teachers’ grade books in real time.  Others feel that the technology is just another way for “helicopter parents” to keep tabs on their kids.  I’m not sure where I stand at this point in the week, but I do know that I see a lot of conflict between parents and kids around Infinite Campus use.

Do you have an opinion about this technology?  Are there ways to use it well?  Poorly?  I would love to hear your point of view!

Losing Faith in the World? Head to Homecoming

I am a sucker for all things sappy and sentimental.  The annual Homecoming Parade in my little town is just that.  It is the most quintessentially small town, Norman Rockwell-esque event I attend all year – and I just love it.

This year’s parade came at a great time.  It’s been easy to lose a little faith in the world: the world’s economy is a mess, American politics are getting uglier by the day, and our technology driven-celebrity obsessed-super rushed culture can make me want to scream.  But just when I am about to lose faith along come the cheerleaders, football players, and band members of the local high school marching down the street in front of my office.

The teenagers restore my faith in our culture and young people.  I love knowing that parades are still fun to them, crepe-paper floats are still worth building, and the homecoming dance is still something to be looked forward to.  In fact, for all our technological advances, much of high school is still what it has always been: a popularity contest, a time to get excited about first dates and crushes, and a time to show unabashed school spirit – among many other things.

So, if you’re feeling a little jaded this weekend, head to your local high school.  You will be reassured to know that high school is just how you left it.

What could be better than this?