Tag: erie therapist

Summer’s Over – Emotions are Mixed

I guess it depends where you live, but in this neck of the woods summer is over! Kids headed back to school this week and I am seeing (and feeling!) mixed emotions all around me.

Kids are excited to see friends, nervous for new teachers and classes, and dreading homework and morning routines. Parents are filled with similar emotions – dread, relief, and happiness. These feelings (and lots of others) are normal and to be expected.  They may also change rapidly over the next few weeks as we get settled into new routines and say goodbye to summer for good.  Plenty of sleep, healthy foods, and physical activity can ease the transition, as can sharing your feelings.

For more information on dealing with the back to school blues, check out the American Psychological Association’s article here.

 

Depression and Exhaustion

Most of us have had the experience of being worried and not being able to sleep.  3am can be a great hour to worry about money, career, and relationship issues, as well as less weighty topics like what color to paint the powder room.  But did you know that a symptom of depression and anxiety can also be sleepiness, and trouble waking?

While most of us require 7 to 9 hours of sleep every night, those of us struggling with depression or anxiety may crave more.  One of the reasons for this is that emotions take a lot of energy to create and sustain.  Think back to the last time you were nervous or worried.  Did you feel tired after it was over?  What about the last time you were really excited or sad about an event?  Did you need a few hours of extra zzz’s when the event was over?  Now imagine experiencing chronic anxiety or depression, and you can imagine the drain on your energy these states may cause.

So the next time you or a loved one feels more tired than usual, you may want to take stock of your mood, as well as other aspects of your health.  Depression and anxiety can be effectively treated with psychotherapy and sometimes medication.  And a good mood – and good sleep – are all important aspects of overall health.

To read more reasons and side effects of too much sleep, read this WebMD article.

A Picture Perfect Marriage

We can’t all have a wedding like this, but luckily it’s not the flowers or custom made dress that makes a happy marriage
Photo: Summit

Ahhh…wedding season.  It is upon us – and I love it.  I love the flowers, the white dress, the dancing, the cake, the cake, the cake.  But as my colleague Dr. Angela Lodono-McConnell over at Your Mind. Your Body. writes, there is more to a happy marriage than a clever proposal and Pinterest-worthy reception.

After attending many weddings as a guest and a worker (I used to be a waitress at a wedding venue) I can tell you the one ingredient that makes the most picture perfect wedding: a loving, happy couple.  It’s not the food, the open bar, the flowers, or the handmade place cards that ensure your guests have a super time.  It’s the amount of love and fun coming from the couple.

The cool news is, these are also important ingredients in a successful marriage.  A sense of fun, optimistic happiness, and an outpouring of affection (physical, verbal, etc) are key elements to staying married, not just an evening of fun with family and friends.

Taming Tween Tantrums

I was recently asked to be a part of this article on dealing with tantrums in tweenagers over at mom.me.  This was a new site to me, and it seems pretty cool – with lots of good info.  I got to participate in the discussion with one of my favorite psychologists, Dr. David Palmiter whose blog and book (Working Parents, Thriving Families) are some of my favorites. (In fact, if you check out the reviews of the book here, you will see mine in the list!)

Anyway, when Alison Bell contacted me about doing a story on tween tantrums – rather than the typical toddler tantrums – I thought she was brilliant!  So many parents struggle with this issue, and most of us think we are alone.  Clearly, we are not.  Many kids ages 7-12 have tantrums, and the article offers super solutions for parents.  My faves? “Catch Them Early” and “One-on-One Time.”

Thanks for including me, mom.me!

Motherhood and Materialism: Babies R Us Might Have Us All Fooled

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Lori D’Angelo.  Welcome, Lori!

Hi! I’m Lori D’Angelo and I am a fiction writer. I live in Virginia with my husband, son, dogs, and cat. Click here to read one of my recent short stories.

In the months before we had our child, I remember walking into Babies R Us and feeling very, very stressed.  What was all this stuff? And did we need it?  I had been reading parenting mags and baby books and online advice and felt that oh, yes, we did. Could we live without a changing table? Oh no, we could not.

But the problem was I got pregnant in graduate school and was looking for a job. Just paying monthly bills was a struggle. The other problem was that we lived in a house not a mega-mansion.

In the three years since my son was born, I’ve learned that we could live without a lot of that stuff. Due to the generosity of friends and relatives, we did get a lot of that stuff. But some of it we didn’t really need. Some of it, no one really needs. For example, a video baby monitor is really not a necessity. Nor, actually, in the house we live in now, is a baby monitor at all because our son’s room is right across from the master bedroom. So, if he cries, we hear him. Many things, like a crib mobile, are only going to be able to keep up for a short time. So, it’s okay if you don’t actually put one up at all.

Some things about our society, the ease of getting information quickly or the availability of a million latte flavors, are really great—especially on a day when you didn’t get much sleep. But some things really are a money drain. Just because something’s available to us doesn’t mean we have to have it. The joy, the pure joy of a hug from your child, is not at all dependent on whether or not he has a matching crib set.  So don’t let yourself get caught up in the designer parent rat race. You can be a good parent—regardless of whether you have a top of the line stroller and a $300 diaper bag.

Jesus, Diapers and Chardonnay

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Chara Ramer.  Welcome, Chara!

Photo: Lancia Smith

Hi! I’m Chara and I am the mama of two fabulous boys, ages 3 and almost 6.  I work as a bookkeeper, but my passion is being with my kids as well as writing.  I hope to write in such a way that opens dialogue where it is most needed but seldom happens.  I hope to create a safe space for Moms to support each other in this journey.
To that end, I am getting my blog up and running: jesusdiapersandchardonnay.com.

So I gotta be honest…sometimes I really don’t like my kids.  Take this moment to judge me all you want, but please keep reading.  I love my kids. They are brilliant, adorable, fabulous, inspiring…and often exhausting.  Don’t get me wrong, I really do usually like them, and I always love them.   But being a mom is hard, and being nice to my kiddos day in day out is even harder.
I think the problem is that our society doesn’t give us space, or license to talk in such terms.  We are all walking around pretending that we feel that raising children is this continuously fabulous and joyous experience that we are privileged to be a part of.  And that is very true, some of the time.  But the rest of the time, Mothering is hard work.  Mothering requires great effort, endless sacrifice, and constant innovation.  We are always on call, we never really have a day off, and our job description changes by the hour.
As moms we spend a lot of time feeling guilty, and this guilt keeps us from expressing what is really going on inside.  But as with any difficult situation (and ladies, let’s face it, raising children is difficult), we can find comfort in knowing we are not alone.  We can find refreshment in ideas from other like minded equally honest “colleagues.”  We can find rest for our weary spirits sometimes if we just pause long enough to admit that this is really a struggle, and its okay not to love it every minute of every day.
So if you are reading this, and you do not struggle, then I applaud you, and even envy you.  If you are struggling, but feel too scared to tell anyone, then think about taking a risk.  Chances are, moms around you are feeling the same way.
Just go for total disclosure, and trust that other Mamas will feel relieved and empowered by your honesty.  I mean don’t we all wonder who we can talk to when all you want to say is “I can’t stand being around my kid right now, I feel like I am a crappy mom, and all I really want to do is take a nap for 3 days.”  If only each of us had another mom to call when we feel such things…
For instance, lately my 3 year old has been making me totally nuts.  Literally “Bouncing off the walls” is an understatement of his behavior the past few weeks.  Last week at my older son’s kindergarten graduation party, I had to run out to the car to grab something.  I found a couple of my “Mommy friends” and said to them:  “Could you keep an eye on him real quick?  Because if I have to take him all the way out to the car and back, I might just give him away to someone.”  They laughed, a bit awkwardly in that way we moms do when we don’t know how to respond to another mom.  Then I smiled a big smile saying:  “Of course I wouldn’t give him away, that would be crazy…I would sell him for money.”  Their awkward smiles just got bigger.  But beneath the somewhat strained smiles, was an element of relief that they weren’t the only ones having a tough time with their kids.  As I walked out of the room I said with a big smile, “Clearly I’m just kidding…well, mostly kidding.”
Of course I would never actually put my 3 year old up for sale (does EBay even have a category for that?).  But sometimes, just in joking about it (when the kids are clearly out of earshot and can’t be emotionally damaged by what I’m saying!), I find I can breathe a little easier.
Bottom line; let’s be a little more honest about the tough stuff.  Let’s support each other a bit more by admitting that we all have our moments of extreme joy, and also extreme anguish when it comes to this journey called motherhood.  And if all else fails, pour yourself a glass of wine or sparkling water with lime, sit down for a minute no matter how crazy the kids are, and remind yourself that you are fabulous, and your kids are so fortunate to have you as their Mama.

Being a Mom Has Taught Me How to Do My Job

(photo caption) Me with my 2 girls, mother, and grandmother on Mother’s day 2012.

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Dr. Kaycie Rosen Grigel.  Welcome, Kaycie!

Me with my 2 girls, mother, and grandmother on Mother’s day 2012

My name is Kaycie Rosen Grigel, ND, and I am the mother of two girls ages 2 and 3.  I live, work, play, and garden in Golden Colorado, and own the Golden Naturopathic Clinic,LLC. For my career I chose to be a Naturopathic Doctor; we are primary care doctors who focus on addressing the underlying factors of disease and using the least invasive therapies possible to correct any imbalances in the body.  I also co-author a blog called Health From the Hearth which focuses on helping families learn to eat well to support their body’s health needs in each season of the year.

What I have learned from being a mom is that each of us as mothers are true doctors to our children.  In my practice, I listen to each patient, get to know them, then set out a plan for helping them understand how to care for themselves so they can feel their best.  This includes helping them learn how to eat properly, sleep well, exercise, feel good about their relationships, and take medications when appropriate.  In Naturopathic Medicine, one of our fundamental principles of practice is the latin word Docere–this defines doctors as teachers.  Similarly, as mothers our job is to nurture our children in a way that ultimately helps them learn to care for themselves and thrive as independent beings.

Beyond the theoretical similarities between my work and mothering, being a mom has deepened my skills as a doctor in a very tangible way.  For my pediatric patients, I better understand the subtleties of what they may be experiencing, what treatments work best for different situations, and even what they will be willing and able to take.  Similarly, for my adult patients, I better understand the time and energy constraints that contribute to habits that are detrimental to health.  This includes things like forgetting to eat until dinner, not getting enough exercise, or not sleeping through the night for four years running.  In my office, people have the opportunity to examine the template of how their life is laid out and make changes that ultimately will improve their health.  As a mother, I get to facilitate that process and help my children make the same types of good choices every day.

Motherhood: Ignoring the Judgements of Others (and Not Passing Any On)

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Karyn Dundorf.  Welcome, Karyn!

Hi! I’m Karyn, stay at home mom of (almost) 3.  (I once had a career as an engineer, and hope to have a career in the future, but for now find joy – most of the time – being home with the kiddos).

I am writing this commentary on motherhood from the perspective of a mother with young children.  Right now I have a 4 year old, an almost 2 year old, and an almost here baby (Editor’s note: Karyn had a healthy baby girl a couple of weeks ago – congrats Karyn and family!).  I’m sure one day I will look back and shake my head at some of the theories and assumptions about parenting I made at this time in my life, but this is where I am now and my “advice” goes out to all others with small ones.

First of all, be gentle with yourself.  It’s so easy as a woman, but especially as a mother, to put all sorts of expectations on yourself.  You talk to one mother and you worry that your child is not signed up for gymnastics or Chinese, the next interaction you feel guilty for whatever food you have just fed your child, and the third playdate reminds you that your house is a hazard and somehow you still haven’t lost the baby weight.  Each mother is different and each child is different (mine for sure are different!).  I found myself constantly beating myself up over what I was doing wrong.  Here’s the deal: we’ll all make mistakes.  We will ALL do stuff wrong.  But as long as you LOVE your children and you let them know they are loved, then you have done your best.

Secondly, be flexible and learn to laugh.  All the things I planned for, proved not to be an issue.  All the things I didn’t plan for, did happen.  You can read all the books, do all the research, but nothing will prepare you for your actual child.  Heck, even my first child did not prepare me for my second child and I expect the third will throw me all sorts of new curve balls.  I love sleep, yet I didn’t get 3 hours of sleep in a row for somewhere around a year with my firstborn.  My first born responds to logic, my second thinks logic is, well, silly and something to be ignored.  My first had sensory issues and feeding was an issue.  The second has no sensory issues and yesterday I found him playing with feces.  There are times that the challenges make you want to cry.  Sometimes crying is good, but it worries toddlers when Mommy cries, so it’s often best to just laugh.

Thirdly: There is a lot of judgement out there.  The term “mommy wars” gets used a lot.  The judgement gets old. It helps no one.  Do your best to ignore judgement and not to pass any on.  We’re all doing our best!

Lastly, motherhood is hard work.  It’s wonderful work, but it’s hard.  If you’re an introvert, you’re around a non-stop chatterbox and never get a moment to think.  If you’re an extrovert, you have that same chatterbox, but you never get a real conversation in.  It can take years (literally) to have a full night sleep.  It’s not about you.  It’s never about you.  A lot of  your identity will be wrecked during your child’s infancy.  Your body is wrecked, you are sleep deprived, and complete sentences are hard to form.   (I’m hoping that after the initial year you can get some of it back… or at least I hope to one day have at least one uninterrupted and coherent thought).  There are days that you want to pull every. single. hair out of your head.  And then, your child smiles at you, or tells you they love you, or just giggles at a cat walking past the window and everything is better and every single sacrifice worth it.

Motherhood: Learning Forgiveness in the Wake of an Accident

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Adrienne Gumersell.  Welcome, Adrienne!

My name is Adrienne Gumersell and I am a 33 year old mom of 3, trying to juggle the demands of my kids, while starting a new catering business, and a new blog.

People always ask me- which is harder, having a daughter or having a son?  I used to tell them- it’s just different.  Girls are head games, and boys are head injuries.  It’s just a matter of what you can tolerate better.  I thought I was pretty clever.
I stopped using this expression after my son fell out of a second story window and almost died.  After being flown by medivac to the hospital, he had to have emergency brain surgery, and was in an induced coma for over a week.  After a month in the hospital, we came home.  Today (after months of therapy and more than a year later) he is a fully functioning, healthy little boy.  There is no other way to describe him than- MIRACLE.
I felt guilty, thinking I brought this on myself by using the comparison between boys and girls.  I had only been considering bumps and bruises!  Never did I think that something like this could happen.  Who does?
I felt guilty, thinking I should have done something different.  But the bottom line is, it was an accident.
My kids were playing in our spare room, the window was closed and locked.
What stopped my guilt in it’s tracks was hearing my 5 year old daughter say it was “all my fault, Mommy! I’m the one who opened the window!”
It broke my heart. Because of course it was not her fault.
It was an accident.
And I decided to give myself the same grace.
My children have taught me many things, not the least of which is forgiveness– of others and of self.

The statistics on window related injuries are startling.  The American Academy of Pediatrics did a study from 1990-2008 and found that an average of over 5100 children a year are injured in such accidents.

Let’s all be more aware of window safety.  One life lost to this completely preventable problem is too many.  In fact, as part of the conclusion of the AAP’s study, they stated:

These injuries are an important pediatric public health problem, and increased prevention efforts are needed, including development and evaluation of innovative prevention programs.

Here is a comprehensive Window Safety Checklist, published by the National Safety Council.