Tag: erie therapist

Book Review: Living with Depression by Deborah Serani

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It’s not often that I am surprised.  But Dr. Deborah Serani’s book, Living with Depression, did just that – surprised me.  I was expecting a sort of boring book about depression – how it starts, why it ends – but was thrilled to discover (and within the first chapter no less!) something very different about Dr. Serani’s book!  Not only does she write about the topic as a expert in psychology (she’s a psychologist in private practice, as well as a professor), but also from the perspective of someone who has dealt with depression on a very personal level.

There have been other psychologists who have written about their own struggles with mental illness, but I found Dr. Serani’s candid admissions and forthcoming attitude about her mental health history to be not only refreshing but intriguing. I found myself wishing she had written more about herself and her family (full disclosure: While Dr. Serani and I have never met in “real” life, we have had several conversations via social media in the last few years).  And while it’s been done before, integrating personal and professional knowledge about depression made the whole book a quick and informative read.

In addition to recounting her own story, Dr. Serani also does a great job outlining all aspects of depression from the mundane (insurance coverage for treatment) to the academic (how psychiatric medications and psychotherapy actually work), to the most basic (what depression is, exactly).  I was most impressed with her discussion of what psychotherapy is and isn’t, and what one should and should not expect from it.  For example, psychotherapy patients should expect to work hard, be challenged, and make a real commitment to the process.  They should not expect to be given advice, get a “quick fix,” or find meaningful change in their lives without a bit of internal struggle.

I also love that Dr. Serani mentioned some (not very glamorous) but important aspects of treating depression, including getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, engaging in meaningful relationships, exercising, and maintaining a relatively tidy, organized home.  It’s not often that we see these things mentioned as part of an overall plan for the treatment of depression, so I was thrilled to see them get some air time in her book.

Living with Depression is a book that I will be glad to have on my shelf.  I highly recommend it for practitioners and lay people alike.  It is a quick, relatively easy read and individual chapters can serve as references in isolation. Check it out here.

5 Questions with Dr. David Palmiter

A couple of months ago I posted a review of Dr. David Palmiter‘s book, Working Parents Thriving Families.  It’s a great book, and I’m thrilled to have Dr. Palmiter here today to answer a couple of questions! Welcome, Dr. Palmiter!

Dr. S: In your book, Working Parent Thriving Families, you talk quite a bit about your own family. What did your wife and kids think about that? Did they give you any advice when you were writing the book?
Dr. P: I think the only concern they had was whether I’d say something completely idiotic, which they seem to believe is a vulnerability of mine! Seriously, they were okay with what I wrote.Screen shot 2013-01-07 at 2.32.42 PM

Dr. S: Your book includes 10 steps to a happier, healthier family.  If you had to pick THE MOST IMPORTANT one, what would it be?
Dr. P: Chapter One: Special Time. I say this because it is the intervention that most promotes a sense of worthiness in a kid and a sense closeness between a parent and a child; in my travels it is the latter which is especially important to we parent-lunatics.
Dr. S: Are there any steps or strategies you wished you had included but didn’t?
Dr. P: I would probably have said more about bullying, diversity training/dialogue and violence prevention; I seem to be dealing with these issues more and more in my professional life and in what I see in our culture at large.
Dr. S: What are you working on these days? Any new books in the works?
Dr. P: I’m working on a book proposal for teaching graduate students how to do cognitive-behavioral therapy. The working title is “OMG, What Do I Do If My Client                            : A Practical How-To Guide for Doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Children and Adolescents.”
Dr. S: One of the things I often write about is stress management.  We all know yoga and meditation are great, but I am more interested in unique, creative ways for managing worry.  What do you do to manage the stress in your life?
Dr. P: Scream at TV broadcasts of the Washington Redskins and Baltimore Orioles (the coaches can perhaps hear one, and benefit from one’s counsel, if one is loud enough ;-), play low stakes poker with my boys, use humor whenever and wherever possible and practice magic tricks to show my students and child clients; at the end of the day I’m a huge exhibitionist, so I’m learning to just go with that. lol

Thanks for taking time to answer my questions, Dr. Palmiter! Check out his book here.

Stay tuned for upcoming book reviews! I’ve got a huge stack just waiting to be read, written, and posted! In the meantime, if you have suggestions for me to read and review, please send ideas along!

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What Makes Your Family Unique?

As we launch into the new year, many of us are taking stock of who we are, who we want to be, and what we want out of 2013.  In addition to looking at

I would love to see this family's list about what makes them unique! Photo via ABC News Blogs

I would love to see this family’s list about what makes them unique! Photo via ABC News Blogs

ourselves as individuals, why not take a look at our families too?  No matter the make up or size of your family, it can be useful to define who you are and what makes you unique.

I recently sat down with my family to answer the following question:

What does it mean to be a Smith?

Of course I had some of my own ideas, but what was really fun was hearing what the other members of my family had to say.  One of my favorite answers? Being a Smith means having fun together.

So what makes your family, your family?  Not all families are the same.  What are the priorities in your household?  Some ideas might include:

  • Being respectful of others
  • Playing games together
  • Treating others with fairness
  • Taking care of the environment
  • Laughing everyday
  • Keeping a clean, organized home
  • Being thankful for each other and what you have
  • Participating in religious activities together
  • Exercising and being mindful of health
  • Taking part in new adventures
  • Watching movies
  • Learning about different people and places
  • Reading together
  • Trying out new foods and cooking together
  • Telling jokes and stories to each other
  • Traveling together
  • Serving others in the community

Try spending some time coming up with a list of 5-10 qualities that make up your family.  Post the list where everyone can see them, and work the list into your life.  Being clear about who you are can help with making decisions and defining priorities (including how to spend time, money, and energy).

Happy New Year!

Elf on the Shelf: Cool or Creepy?

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Am I the last mother on Earth not to adopt Elf on the Shelf as a holiday season behavioral management tool?  I think I may be.

I don’t actually own an Elf on the Shelf, so I am no expert, but the whole idea seems a little bit creepy to me.  A doll that watches your every move, reports everything back to Santa, and can’t be touched by humans?  Am I missing something?

From my super-scientific Facebook research I notice that many of my friends and colleagues use EOTS to help their kids stay in line during holiday season.  And it looks like parents also have fun finding a place for him to move each night after the kids are in bed.  Here are some thoughts:

The psychologist (and Scrooge) in me says: This is not a good thing.  Not only is the idea of a little elf running around the house, and then flying up to the North Pole and back scary for kids (and adults, eek!), but lying to our kids and coercing them into good behavior with the threat of being exposed to Santa? – this can’t be a psychologically healthy parenting tool!  And don’t even get me started on Santa himself: what are we telling our kids anyway? Stay away from strangers all year, except this large guy whose face is obscured by all manner of facial hair.  And kids, don’t just talk to him, sit on his lap and whisper in his ear about all the material things you want but probably can’t afford and certainly don’t need. Blech.

The parent in me says: This sounds like a lot of work.  So on top of everything else this month I have to remember to move this little guy around…or else?  After asking my kids their thoughts, #1 says she thought it would be creepy, too.  She even wondered aloud how scary it would be to have something roaming around in the house while we were all asleep.  Child #2 says we NNEEEEEEDD an Elf on the Shelf because everyone else has one, and she would probably have perfect behavior if we had one too.  Doubtful.  Child #3 had no comment.

So, EOTS-practicing parents, what are your thoughts?  What am I missing?  Help me understand why this little guy has become a December staple!  Better yet, send me your best EOTS pictures and I will post them here.

UPDATE:

PICTURES OF ELF ON THE SHELF IN ACTION! THANKS FOR SENDING THESE, DR. STEPHANIE READERS! 

Please send pictures to stephanie@drstephaniesmith.com or post on my Facebook wall

Elf at play

Elf at play

Injured Elf

Injured Elf

Healed Elf

Healed Elf

 

 

The Holiday Season & Mental Health Emergencies

As I noted in my last post, the holidays can be tough.  For some of us it can be a season of financial stress, sugar-cookie and waistline anxiety, and family annoyances.  For others of us, this season can be a time of very serious depression.

I was recently in San Francisco and took this picture:

I had never seen anything like it before – a sign for crisis counseling?!? I immediately saw the reason (notice the Golden Gate Bridge in the background), but also started to wonder what it would be like if there were such services available everywhere.  What would the world be like if we were never more than a mile or two from someone who could really help?  A better, less lonely, less isolated world I say.  One where I would like to be.

If you, or someone you know could use an ear this time of year, here are a few places where you can find someone to talk to:

American Psychological Association, Psychologist Locator

The Trevor Lifeline (Specializing in LGBTQ Youth) 866-488-7386

Kristin Brooks Hope Center 800-442-HOPE

National Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255

9-1-1

If you are a business owner or school leader, consider posting a sign with the above information for those in need this holiday season – and all year ’round!

 

Why the Holidays Are Tough

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I hate to be bah-humbug about it, but the holidays suck are tough.  Every year around this time my mood fluctuates like crazy, and I can tell the people around me are feeling the same way.  I’ve written about holiday stress many times before, but this year I really tried to stop and think about WHY the holidays are so hard for so many of us.  Beyond offering tips for coping with holiday turmoil, here’s my best guess as to why this season can stink (to put it mildly):

NONE OF US CAN MEASURE UP!

Perhaps in the “good old days” the holiday season meant spending time with loved ones and enjoying the meaning of the season (whatever the meaning might have been).  But these days, it feels like it has become the season of measuring up:

  • Do you have enough money to by your sweetie the diamonds, luxury cars, and furs shown on TV ads?
  • Have you decorated your house with hand-dyed partridge feathers and spiced citrus?
  • Do have a perpetually-smiling brood of 4 or 5 who love to play Parcheesi and giggle while sipping on homemade cider?

NO??

Well, guess what? Me neither.  And I am here to tell you that no one measures up to those kinds of standards.  Not even Ms. Martha Stewart herself would come out on top with the above as goals.  So, let’s put an end to this measuring-up, and deal with ourselves, our family, our friends, and our finances for who and what they are: imperfect.  I propose that we simply do our best to get through this month with our mental health intact.  Happy Holidays!

Psychotherapy Is Not Dead

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Last weekend What Brand Is Your Therapist was published by the New York Times.  Lori Gottlieb, the author, interviewed me and a couple of other psychologists for the piece.

In her article Ms. Gottlieb writes about her journey as a new therapist setting up a practice in the congested California market.  As she struggles to find clients, she looks to other, more established clinicians for advice.  Some say find a specialty area, others tell her to focus on consultation and/or coaching work rather than traditional psychotherapy, still others (me) tell her to increase her social media presence.

With this advice in mind, Ms. Gottlieb wonders if Americans have moved past the need for psychotherapy, citing statistics indicating that fewer people have sought talk therapy in recent years.  She also wonders if our super-fast, I-want-results-now culture makes the slower paced psychotherapy process outdated.

After stewing about it for a few days, I have gathered my thoughts, and offer this response proving that psychotherapy is not dead, in fact, it is alive and well.  With this caveat: it is essential that we change (at least a little bit) with the times.  Here goes:

Having been married to an architect for nearly 15 years, I have come to know a bit about that profession.  While it may not seem that a psychologist and an architect would have much in common professionally, I have come to realize that we do – and more than it would seem.  In addition to the arduously long training process involved in both fields, many of the current dynamics and changing business models are similar.  Take a look:

Fads Come and Go.  Colonial, craftsman, beaux arts, mid-centurn modern – these are just a few of the hundreds of styles of architecture around us.  While I might like classical design, others might prefer more contemporary; the one thing we can be sure of is that styles, tastes, and fads will change.  This is a good thing in architecture – it makes our communities more interesting.  What is critical, however, is that the structure underneath is sound.  Any architect would agree that a comprehensive understanding of history, as well as a mastery of structural and construction principles is necessary before good design can emerge.

The same is true for us in the field of psychology.  There is nothing wrong with new ideas, and unique and innovative treatments – so long as there is first a fluency in psychological science.  New treatment strategies, rooted in sound science and disciplined training, can (and should!) be constantly flowing into our daily practice.  Would we accept stagnant, non-innovative care from any other field?

Gray and Green – The New Black?  Some architects have continued to design and draw only by hand, have resisted integrating technology into their firms, and have refrained from embracing environmentally sustainable design and materials clamored for by clients.  Guess what has happened to those architects in this tough economy and competitive world? They are no longer practicing – or at least not at the level to which they would like.  Successful firms have had to innovative, be responsive to the marketplace, and have had to find a way to stay productive and flexible in a time when their clients demand more, have shorter time frames, and more restricted budgets.

Psychologists are no different.  To stay relevant and helpful (that is our mission after all) we must also innovate and find new ways to give people what they want (psychological help) and need (psychological health).  A colleague of mine, June Ching, PhD, recently wrote: “I see a…theme with the ‘old ways’ juxtaposed to the newly emerged technological advances. If the mission is still the same, perhaps joining forces with the ‘grey’ and ‘green’ is a viable option.”

Merging The Old School (“gray”) with the New School (“green”) is the only way to continue to provide the type of help and care we all desire.

Everyone Deserves Mental Health.  Most of us can’t afford to live in a house designed by an architect.  Instead, most of us live in houses that were mass-produced by a CAD-wielding draftsman employed by a large construction company.  Yea, it’s kind of a bummer from a design perspective, but guess what?  The roof still keeps out the rain and the walls still keep us warm at night.  And the price is right.

Again, the similarities with psychotherapy are striking.  Therapy is kind of a weird thing.  Sitting in a room with a stranger spilling your guts week after week, while learning little to nothing about said stranger.  Bizarre.  Not to say we strangers don’t have a lot to offer – we do! But psychotherapy isn’t for everyone.  It’s a significant commitment in terms of time and money, and frankly not everyone is helped by talking about their problems.  Some folks prefer the self-help methods of reading books or watching Oprah to aid their mental health.  Others might find comfort at church or in a peer support group.  Still others may prefer to use pharmacological treatment.  Guess what?  That’s OK!

Psychotherapy has never been a treatment utilized by the masses, and my guess is that it never will be.  The great thing is that it gives us lots of opportunities to reach out to folks who will never sit on our couches.  Podcasts, books, blogs, talks, articles in the New York Times – these are all means by which we can get the word out about the importance of psychology and good mental health.  Realizing that the 50 minute psychotherapy hour isn’t our only means of providing solid, responsible, and useful mental health care should make us feel excited and energized to meet folks in need – wherever and whoever they are.   Because in the end, everyone deserves mental health, not just those who meet us on our own, narrow terms.

It is my opinion that psychotherapy is enjoying a particularly robust period in its history.  The stigma against treatment is down, the access to care is up (thanks to changes in the insurance industry, as well as technology) and psychology, mental health, and emotional wellness are a part of the language of everyday life.  Psychotherapy is far from dead – it is very much alive and growing.  It is up to us to determine how and when to best maximize this growth, for our clients and ourselves.

Sexuality, Gender and Glee

It’s been a while since I have written about my fave TV show, Glee.  While my newish subscription to Netflix has opened up great new worlds of television programming (Downton Abbey, anyone?), I am still partial to Glee.  As I’ve written before, I love the music, the dancing, and the over the top dialogue.  But this year – perhaps even more than previous seasons – I am appreciative of Glee’s portrayal of gay teens.

Everyone loves Glease!
Photo: Glee on Fox

Glee and its actors have received awards in past years for their representation of teenage homosexuality.  These awards have been well-deserved.  But the cool thing about this season is that the fanfare seems to have died down, but the writers are still doing their thing, writing about love affairs of the straight and gay variety.  It seems to me that sexual preference  has become a bit of a non-issue over at McKinley High.  In fact, one of the newest students seems to be questioning his gender, together with his sexuality.  The sort of live-and-let-live attitude embraced by the fictional folks at McKinley High may not be representative of what is happening at all real life high schools.  But if life does in fact imitate art, sexuality and gender may one day be a sideline issue for all of us.  Something we notice in people but don’t allow to define them.  Something we allow young (and old!) people to explore and express as they may, when they may.

Adolescence can be rough on mental health.  Coping with the stressors of changing bodies, hormones, friends, academics, and the future – even the luckiest kids can struggle with bouts of depression and worry.  Add to the mix questions of sexuality and gender (and perhaps bullying by peers) and the chance of psychological distress can go up significantly.  Programs like Glee which normalize a wide range of sexual expression and gender orientation give all our kids a better chance at navigating the rough road of adolescence with a steady hand.

*Know a LGBTQ teen who is in crisis and in need of help?  Check out the Trevor Project, an organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth.  Click here for their website, or call 866-488-7386 for their Life Line.

Helping Kids Make Smart Food Choices…Without Giving Up Cake

One of my coolest professional roles is as a Parent Advisory Board member for Produce for Kids, an organization that encourages healthy eating for kids and families.  This week I wrote an article for their website about how to help kids incorporate all types of foods into their diets.  We all know that tomatoes and fish are great for us, but I also suggest tips for how to include chocolate, cake, and nachos into a balanced diet.  After all, could any of us survive for long without cake or curly fries?  I know I couldn’t.  Check out the article for ideas on how to make healthy, balanced, and REALISTIC food choices for you and your family.

Check out the Produce for Kids website for all sorts of tips on health eating – including easy, kid-friendly recipes!

Book Review: Working Parents Thriving Families

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A few things before I start this review:

1. I typically don’t care for parenting books.  They tend to be preachy, too complicated, and make me feel like a lousy parent after reading them.  Read more about my thoughts on parenting books here.

2.  Dr. David Palmiter, the author of Working Parents, Thriving Families, is a colleague of mine so I’m not totally un-biased when it comes to this review.  With that said, one of the reasons he is a colleague is that I consider him an excellent psychologist and teacher.

3.  I have read this book a couple of times.  The first time was so I could write a quick review to go into the book.  The second time was for this blog – so I consider myself a real expert on this book! To read my review (along with a bunch of others), click here.

OK, with that stuff out of the way, here we go:

While I’m not sure if the “Working” in the title refers to parents who work outside the home, or a recognition of the fact that parenting is “work,” the title sets the tone for this down-to-earth, super accessible book that deals with a lot of real-life issues. Dr. Palmiter doesn’t focus on step-by-step techniques or discipline strategies that need a PhD to administer.  He simply talks about the basics of parenting and what needs to happen in order to raise a happy family – while acknowledging that none of us is perfect and we all get overwhelmed and frustrated with ourselves, our partners, and our kids from time to time.

A few of the things I like best about Dr. Palmiter’s book:

  • “Special Time.”  Dr. Palmiter suggests we spend an hour each week with each of our children doing nothing but watching them engage in something they enjoy, and then commenting, praising, and encouraging them in that activity.  He suggests how awesome it might feel if we (as adults) heard things like: “You prepared that dinner beautifully” or “Wow, you really managed the kids like a pro today” on a regular basis – and the same goes for our kids.  I love tips like this because they are free, aren’t hard to master, don’t have side effects, and can make a huge impact on families in a relatively short period of time.  I know, I know, I’m not sure I can really do that for what would equal 3 hours per week either (and he comments on that complaint), but it is something to work toward for sure.
  • His humor and lighthearted tone.  Parenting is a funny endeavor – but you would never know it by looking at most of the books, blogs, and websites out there.  Dr. Palmiter did a great job making me laugh. A couple examples are when he offers some comebacks to common kid complaints:

Kid: But all of my friends are allowed to do it!

Parent: Do you think their parents would consider adopting you?

Kid: But, you let (name of sibling) do that!

Parent: I love her more than you.

  • I didn’t feel like crap at the end.  As I mentioned above, lots of parenting books make me feel like a bad parent.  Either because I never have the energy or motivation to do all the things they tell me I should, or because my kids never look like their examples.  The thing about this book is that my family DOES look like Dr. Palmiter’s examples, and he even shares his own quirky family and parenting blunders with us!  He also seems to get that modern family life is crazy, hectic (his website is even hecticparents.com), and frankly ugly at times.

To learn more about Dr. David Palmiter check out his website.  To buy the book, check it out here.