Tag: erie psychologist

Suicide and the Holidays

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I have spent way too much time in the last 5 days grieving people in my community who have taken their own lives.  It’s been horrible.

I don’t know if we (meaning my little town in Northern Colorado) are the norm or not, but we have been inundated with loss since the end of November.  We are all shaking our heads and wiping our eyes, and wondering the same things:

Why?

and

What could we have done differently?

Sadly, we won’t ever get answers to these questions (the cruel and heartless aftermath of suicide).  In fact, even the most expert of the experts on suicide struggle to know how best to prevent it.  So here’s my thought:

We have to talk about it

Often

With everyone

What I mean is: we need to talk with our kids about suicide and sadness and rash decisions from the moment they can understand such things (which is probably younger than we give them credit for).  We need to talk to our parents and grandparents and nieces and nephews.  We need to talk to our partners and spouses about coping with feelings of sadness and despair.  We need to make resources like this available and even prominent in our homes.

The holidays can be painful and lonely for so many of us.  But suicide never helps.

Reach out, talk and share.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK

 

 

Cyber Monday: Good for Mental Health?

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Shopping is one of those tricky things that can be both good and bad for mental health.  On the one hand, shopping can be a fun distraction and excursion with friends.  It can also be relaxing when done alone, when you can spend 20 minutes perusing purple necklaces if that’s what you want to do – and with no one bugging you to move on to Cinnabon.

The downside, of course can be that when done to excess, shopping can quickly become out of control and wreak havoc on finances.  This time of year can be particularly treacherous when there are so many SALES and DEALS and SAVINGS!  It’s tough to resist all these “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunities to save (and spend) money.

With all the pros and cons of shopping in mind, I have decided to do something new this year: make all of my holiday purchases on-line.  I have decided to test the theory that on-line shopping will be better for my mental health than mall shopping.  Here are the few of the reasons I think this hypothesis is true:

  • As I get older I have less patience for crowds and loud noises – both of which are abundant in malls and shopping centers
  • When I shop in a brick and mortar store I am super-susceptible to buying things a) I don’t need b) the people I’m buying gifts for don’t want (how many Bath and Body Works products do any of us really need, anyway? ugh)
  • I love seeing packages waiting at my front door – silly, but true
  • Shopping on-line allows me to be a lot more clever and creative than I am in real life.  Google “great gifts for 10 year old boys” and you have more cool, educational AND fun gift ideas than you will ever need

I was recently contacted by Pearl & Clasp about taking a look at some of their earrings.  It was meant to be.  My online shopping experiment ready to go, together with my LOVE LOVE LOVE for jewelry – we made a perfect pair!

Here’s what arrived on my doorstep (it’s looking good already!):

9mm Button Pink Freshwater earrings Pearl & Clasp

9mm Button Pink Freshwater earrings
Pearl & Clasp

Darling little (but not-too-little), pink pearl earrings.  They are very sweet and would work for an adult or a young girl – not that I will be giving mine away.  This online shopping stuff is definitely improving my mental health so far!

Want to do a little shopping of your own? Check out Pearl & Clasp’s holiday deals.

 

Book Review: Pastrix The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner and Saint

I was introduced to this book by a segment on Colorado Public Radio in which author Nadia Bolz-Weber was interviewed.  To say I was intrigued is an understatement.  It was one of those radio interviews where I continued to sit in my car long after I had pulled into my garage.  Naturally, I rushed out to read her book for myself.

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It literally changed my life.

I’m not overstating things either.

A quick summary: Nadia Bolz-Weber is a Lutheran pastor in Denver, CO.  In the book she describes the evolution of her life and faith into what it is now (still growing and imperfect).  She leads a new and sort of renegade church in Denver which opens its doors to everyone – the homeless, the mentally ill, folks of all genders and ideas – they even open their doors to suburban-living, cardigan-wearing soccer moms (eek! that’s me!).  It is this last group who she describes as the hardest of all to accept (oh boy).

The book is funny and super honest.  She isn’t what you’d expect from a Lutheran pastor – or a pastor of any kind actually – and that’s what makes her remarkable.  She’s open about the life she lived before becoming a pastor (hint: lots of drugs and sex) and she’s open about the things with which she struggles now (being nice, keeping sarcasm at bay, understanding her relationship with God) – and does all of this while using plenty of foul language.  It’s pretty f**ing fascinating.  Oops! She must be rubbing off on this soccer mom.

Ms. Bolz-Weber makes lots of interesting points in the book, and grapples with many theological issues, but my favorite is this

We are constantly trying to divide the world into us vs. them.  When we do that, it can make life easier for us to understand, but it does nothing but drive the world further apart (and us further from God, if you believe in that sort of thing). 

(my quotes, not hers)

I would recommend this book to the following people:

  • Christians
  • Non-Christians
  • Women
  • Men
  • People who struggle with their identity in any way, shape or form
  • People searching for meaning
  • People searching for connection
  • Folks who find “liturgical dancing” creepy (…you’ll have to read the book to figure out what that means)

In short – READ THIS BOOK.

Halting Holiday Stress: Family Conflicts

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We all have them: family members we just don’t get along with.  Whether it’s because they’re simply annoying, overly obnoxious or outrageously opinionated – just because we’re related to someone doesn’t mean we get along.  Sadly the holidays often make these relationships worse.  Between spending more time than usual together (whose idea was it to make Thanksgiving and Christmas so close together, anyway??) and high expectations for picture-perfect holiday celebrations, this time of year can be a perfect storm of family turmoil.

So what can be done to ease the inevitable tensions that arise among even the most well-adjusted of families?

We are who we are.  Just because it’s the holiday season doesn’t mean that our annoying family members are going to get any less annoying.  In fact, if they do any changing at all it will likely be to become even more irritating (all that booze, heavy food and stress just doesn’t improve things).  With that in mind, it can be best to keep expectations relatively low and realize that that we all have our quirks.

Quality vs. Quantity.  Sometimes we spend so much time together over the holidays, that we simply overdose on each other.  Instead of spending large amounts of time together, consider focusing on quality time together instead – focusing on fun, meaningful and memorable activities or conversations together.

Lose the Booze.  As mentioned above, alcohol often brings out the worst in our personalities.  It can lead us to say things we shouldn’t, get more irritated with others – and more quickly, and can increase the potential for family conflict when we’re spending more time than usual together.  While just thinking about the holidays and the accompanying family time can make some folks reach for the wine glass, keeping alcohol intake to a minimum may actually make the season go more smoothly.

Happy Holidays!

 

 

Tasty Thanksgiving Treats for Kids

I am excited to be hosting Thanksgiving this year, and have been spending lots of time checking out recipes for the big day.  A few weeks ago Produce for Kids released a free and beautiful booklet filled with tasty, healthy and creative Thanksgiving recipes.  So my kids and I decided to give one of the recipes a test-drive last week to see if it was Thanksgiving-worthy.

Here’s the original recipe:

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We decided we liked the pepper/ranch dressing idea, but wanted to branch out a bit.  Here’s what we started with:

ingredients

For our first turkey, we mixed up equal parts light sour cream and veggie cream cheese:

sour cream mix

Then we added some pretzels and came up with this:

pretzel turkey

For our next turkey, we decided to spice it up.  I put some tortillas on a baking sheet, sprayed them with cooking spray and baked them at 350 until they browned up a bit.  Then I cut them into strips with a pizza cutter, added some salsa and came up with this:

salsa turkey

Then we tried out the original recipe and came up with this:

pepper turkey

In the end they were all delicious – and fun to make and eat.  These cute little turkeys definitely earned a spot on our Thanksgiving table!

group of turkeys

And be sure to check out Produce for Kids’ Festive Flavors Holiday Guide to download your own yummy Thanksgiving recipes.

Mental Illness and the Holidays

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As soon as Halloween rolls around, psychologists around the country know to expect their phones to start ringing.  The combination of shorter days (and less sunlight), the time change and the impending holidays proves to be a tough mix for a lot of us.  As a result mood can go down, anxiety can go up and mental health can fly right out the window.

There are about a million reasons why the holidays can be hard on our mental health.  But contrary to popular opinion, it’s not just those who have lost a loved one who might struggle during this season.  It’s also those who have strained family relationships, those who struggle financially, those who aren’t where they thought they’d be at this point in life, and those who don’t feel they measure up at any point in the year – let alone this one.

The holidays are also tough on mental health because so much is expected of us.  We’re expected (often by ourselves AND others) to have perfect homes, perfect clothes, and perfect appetizers set on a perfectly-decorated table.  We’re also expected to have smiles on our faces, thanks in our hearts and plenty of joy and Christmas cheer to spread to everyone (even when we don’t feel it ourselves).  Some of us don’t get invited to any holiday gatherings and feel dejected about that.  Others get invited to so many parties that the entire month of December is spent in the car scurrying from one festivity to another.  Some have no one to celebrate with, others have plenty of people around – but not the one they wish were there.

No matter how you cut it, the holidays are tough on mental health.  For that reason, it’s important to be aware of the resources around us to help us get through until January 1st.  Here are a couple useful links:

Surviving the Holidays – With Flair

Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress – Produce for Kids

Tips for Parents on Managing Holiday Stress – APA

If times get really tough and you’re finding it hard to cope alone, consider reaching out to a psychologist.  Here’s how to find one close to you:

APA Psychologist Locator

Psychology Today

If you need to talk to someone right away, try:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Suicide Hotlines by state

 

Halting Holiday Stress: Just Do One Thing

Is wearing matching PJ's your favorite part of the holidays? Then go for it...maybe just not this particular pair.

Is wearing matching PJ’s your favorite part of the holidays? Then go for it…maybe just not this particular pair.

If you are a Pinterest addict like me, then you know there are about a zillion crafty/creative projects and activities you could be doing this holiday season.  In fact, it’s easy to feel like a big holiday failure if you don’t:

  • send out handmade cards
  • make cookies for all your neighbors and friends
  • decorate both the inside and outside of your house by the end of Thanksgiving
  • go caroling
  • feed the homeless
  • make your own nativity scene, advent calendar and stockings
  • buy (or better yet, make!) matching pajamas for your family
  • enjoy several holiday traditions with your perfectly-behaved children and pets by doing things like reading aloud together, making gingerbread houses and singing Christmas carols

I know I left out a whole bunch of other projects – but you get the point.  The number of things we “should” do around the holidays and the things we actually want to do – or physically can do – is much more limited.

So this year, instead of writing a mile-long to-do list, pick just one or two things to do.  And do them well.  And enjoy them while you’re doing them.  And have that be enough. For me, I truly love Christmas cards (giving and receiving!) so that’s where I will be putting the majority of my creativity energy this year.  How about you?

 

Stop Holiday Stress Before It Starts

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Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and my neighbors have already put up their Christmas lights…must be time to start talking about holiday stress!  In an effort to help all of us manage the expectations, pitfalls and joys of this year in an effective way, I am going to offer up a bunch of posts over the next 6 weeks on how to cope with holiday stress.  Here’s my first tip:

Start planning for Christmas now.

No, you don’t have to start playing Christmas carols, but coming up with an idea of what and when you might get things done is a great idea.  By my count there are 7 weekends between now and Christmas (and one of those is Thanksgiving weekend) which means we have plenty of time to do things like:

  • decorate
  • shop
  • bake
  • volunteer
  • go to parties
  • host a party
  • wrap gifts
  • send cards
  • make plans to get out of town
  • whatever else is part of your holiday tradition

So pull out your calendar and see what you can get scheduled.  You will thank yourself in a month!

 

 

Happy, Healthy Halloween

Find lots of cool ideas for healthy Halloween treats at Produce for Kids

Find lots of cool ideas for healthy Halloween treats at Produce for Kids

I am not a huge fan of Halloween (I know, booo hiss), but I am a fan of candy.  Candy is delicious, fun to eat and a wonderful part of life.  However, it loses its luster when eaten everyday or to the point of illness (I know, I’ve tried).  As Halloween has turned into a month-long celebration, it’s probably a good idea to have some fun, healthy treats on hand rather than just candy corns and mini-Snickers.

The folks at Produce for Kids have lots of cute and yummy ideas for you to try! Check them out here – and Happy Halloween!

Sadness Vs. Depression

Did you know that sadness and depression are not the same thing?

Sadness is an emotion that occurs in the course of a relatively happy, meaningful and contented life.  We feel sad when sad things happen (we lose our jobs, a friend dies, a relationship ends).

Depression is a mental health disorder made up of lots of different symptoms including trouble sleeping, self doubt, trouble concentrating and irritability.  Sadness, or low mood, can also be a symptom of depression BUT it doesn’t have to be present for someone to be depressed.  Strange, I know.

The whole thing is confusing because many of us use the words interchangeably.  Here are a couple examples:

The Broncos lost the Super Bowl and now my husband is sooooo depressed

He was actually sad – not depressed – in this situation

She’s just so sad all the time, she just stays in bed all day

When someone is sad and has low motivation and energy, it might be signs of depression – something much more than sadness

I recently spoke to Psych Central about the difference between sadness and depression.  Check out the full article here:

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