Moms: We’re All Just Doing the Best We Can

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Lynne Kendig.  Welcome, Lynne!

My name is Lynne Kendig and I am a recently retired family practice physician, married, and lucky to have my daughter and her family living nearby.

I have loved being a mom. My husband and I are now enjoying being grandparents to two very busy boys. One thing that amazes me is the amount of information “out there” for new parents to inquire about and absorb. I think it can be overwhelming. The digital world has made so many things easier, but it is just as easy to lose ourselves and the hours in the day.
When my daughter was little, we looked forward so much to vacationing at “the shore”, along the New Jersey coast. I think just watching the waves or walking along the beach gives you time to put life into perspective and solve some things your brain is working on. Here in Denver, the mountains give us that same sense of beauty, wonder and discovery. My advice would be to try to just be as present as you can. Play outdoors often. Listen. Take your time. And don’t be too hard on yourself. We are all doing the best we can.

Motherhood Must Haves? Crocs, Fruit Snacks, and Prayer

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Erin McNeil.  Welcome, Erin!

I’m a happy wife and mom of boys.  I hold bachelors and masters degrees in Social Psychology with an emphasis in Women & Adolescent Girls.
I’m currently undergoing Life Coach Training/Certification and hope to begin my life coach practice in early 2013.

In my opinion, 1 boy = 3 girls.   So, I really feel like I have 9 children.  With that said, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Motherhood has been all that I thought of and hoped for, and of course much more.  When my oldest son was only a few months old I was strolling through the mall.  A father smiled at me and then looking at my son said, “Every stage is my favorite“.  I took that as advice to live in the present.  I agree with him – every stage has been my favorite.  If only I could thank him for such great advice.
I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to teach respect and love in our home and have just recently seen the blessed results in having my children be their own best friends.  I can only hope and pray this will continue.  There is nothing I would rather do than raise these children.  I feel the weight and pressure of doing my very best to raise my boys to ultimately be good men.  With boys I’ve found the key to success is being silly, being active and having lots and lots of food – regardless of where you are.
Things I couldn’t do without = LEGOS, PBS’ “Curious George” TV show, Digital music, Crocs, Fruit Snacks, Swimming Pools, Miss Jen’s Joy School, Crayola Markers, Household Bleach & Prayer.

The Little Extras Make a Big Difference in Motherhood (and Life)

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Mandy Baron.  Welcome, Mandy!

Hi, I’m Mandy.  I am a part time Dental Hygienist in Dallas, Texas.   My Husband, Andrew, and I are parents to two little tornadoes boys; Austin (3) and Tyler (1).

We sometimes joke that we used to think we were great, single, individuals… then we got married.  We realized we both had a LONG list of improvements to be made.  We took a few years, learned a few things and again felt like pretty good people.  Then we had our two little boys and realized, again, we had our work cut out for us.  Being a mother has brought me joy, taught me countless lessons and continues to humble me every day.
I love the quote “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little “extra”- Jimmy Johnson.
Usually at the end of the day (while looking at the path of destruction caused by my tornadoes) the last thing I want to do is exert any effort or energy.  I have found that adding that little ”extra” has improved my relationship with my family.   Whether it is extra time for my kids, extra effort, extra time jumping on the trampoline, or extra chocolate chips in their pancakes I know the effort is appreciated.  I’m not saying by any means to over-do it; just take an extra five minutes.

Do You Compare Yourself to Other Women?

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Jenni Lillie.  Welcome, Jenni!

I’m a wife of a fun and energetic husband. I’m a mom of 4. 2 of those children I’ve had the privilege of holding and watch grow. My passion is photography and I love that I get to do it professionally. I love a good party, but need to refuel by being alone. I’m a great sleeper when I get the chance. I think I could win prizes if there were contests. I love it when I’m organized, but that feels like a challenge to get to that place. I love living in Colorado and seeing the mountains and beautiful sunsets from our windows.

I’ve been pondering this phrase for a week or so…there is no win in comparison. The past couple of weeks I’ve listened to a few talks by a man named Andy Stanley about comparison. They have really stretched me to look at some areas of my life where I compare myself to others. Motherhood and my business are areas where it is tempting for me to compare myself. I sometimes feel envious of other moms and fear I’m screwing up my kids. My husband and I joke that we need to start a counseling fund alongside the college fund.

Being a mom is one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever faced. I fight the feelings of failure and discouragement in my mothering everyday.  Anybody else? Maybe it’s just me. I desire to be a mom who lovingly parents out of who I am and who my kids are. I feel icky when I jump in the comparison pool. I want to be a woman who encourages the kids and moms around me, and not makes comparisons. I also desire to look at the children and moms around me and celebrate their uniqueness and differences. I really want to grow in this. Anybody else?

Sacrifice, Tough Love, and Fun – All a Part of Motherhood

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Janice Beck.  Welcome, Janice!

I have been blessed to be an Early Childhood Educator and Director for 20 years (10 in public Kindergartens and 10 in my Church Preschool),
a wife of a thoughtful and Christian husband, and a mother of two. I was also blessed to be able to be a “stay-at-home” mom when my 2 sons (now 27 and 29) were in school,
but I did not stay-at-home very much, as I volunteered a lot in my church and in my sons’ classrooms teaching Art in the School and serving on School Parent Boards.

When my husband and I raised (and we continue to “raise” them with advise)
our two sons, now 27 and 29, we tried to be on the same page and use these:
5 Principles for Parenthood
1. Train your children up in faith, in “giving back” and in God’s Love.
2. Have fun with your children.  Enjoy every minute of parenthood–the good, the bad
and the ugly
3.  Be consistent in love and discipline.  Don’t be afraid to use “tough” love.  Believe
it or not, children want to be fairly disciplined.
4.  Have children take responsibility for their actions, as early as possible.
5.  Be a good role model and mentor for your children and spend some time taking care
of your needs. But remember, sacrificing for your children is part of loving them.

Solving Your Kids’ Problems? Not a Great Idea.

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Caroline Moore.

I am the mother of two daughters who are 10 years apart so in essence I had 2 “only” children.  I am an Occupational Therapist and have always worked part-time until my very recent retirement.  Although working part-time, I often felt I didn’t do the best job at either being a mother or a therapist, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  I feel very fortunate that both my daughters live nearby and they and my 3 adorable grandchildren are a very important part of my life.

I really feel that my life began when I became a mother 37 years ago.  It has given me the most profound joys as well as the deepest pain but has made my life so full and rewarding.

The one tip I would pass on to others is that when your child faces tough times (in childhood, teenage years, adulthood), it’s best to communicate your love, support, and encouragement in various ways, even though it would be easier to stay away, take on the problem yourself, lecture, cry, or blame others.  Communication can be as simple as a hug, pat on the shoulder, supportive phone message, invitation to take a walk, or a shopping outing, or even just sit next to your struggling child.  Just knowing you are there in support of your child can help. You can’t  and shouldn’t solve your child’s problems but you can give them the strength they need to face the issues themselves.

The Smells of Motherhood

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Jeannie Hulse.

Hi I’m Jeannie Hulse, State Farm insurance agent in Erie, CO. I’m married to my best friend, Robert, and we have one son, Brian, who is 23 and serves in the military.

Jeannie's son Brian. Serviceman and light of her life!

Having grown up with brothers (three of them), I was quite prepared to raise a son (dirty hands, lots of cars and smelly sports equipment, etc).  What blew me away was and is the unconditional love I have for him.  I, like many mom’s,  had to juggle having a full time job, being a wife and mom and add being the only parent during the week  (my husband drove a truck over the road for the first 5 years of our son’s life).  My favorite memory of being a mom is the smells (baby powder to smelly hockey skates) and bedtime…we’d snuggle together and read books and talk about our day.  Those special times made every struggle and/or sacrifice worth every minute.

A Month of Moms

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!

I am kicking off Moms’ Month with my own tip for moms of young kids.  In addition to being a clinical psychologist in Colorado, I am also a mom of three kiddos.  A most humbling, challenging, and agonizing experience, becoming a mom has also been the most fun journey of my life.  Here goes:

No generation of moms is perfect.  We all love our kids, but we all make mistakes.  Some of the mistakes, we KNOW are mistakes at the time.  For example, when I recently told my daughter that I didn’t care if she ever did homework, I pretty much knew it was a mistake as soon as it came out of my mouth.  Other mistakes take years, or even decades to recognize.  I’m thinking of Mad Men-era moms who drank and smoked while pregnant, and 70’s moms who drove their kids around untethered in the backs of their station wagons.  These moms loved their kids just as we do, but just didn’t have the same information we have today.

So, what will our generation’s big mistake be?  Here’s my best guess: our incessant cell phone, laptop, and i-pad use.  Not so much the overuse of these gadgets, but the way many of us use them when we really should be paying attention to our kids.  For example, at the dinner table, when we pick them up from school, during school performances, during bedtimes, etc.  It’s alarming that many of us (me included) put off or outright ignore our kids so that we can catch up on Facebook.  This is a great way to ensure that our kids will be complaining to a psychologist in a couple of decades that they were never heard, not appreciated, and thus don’t know how to really love.  Ok, I’m exaggerating – but it’s a possibility for sure.

So my advice to moms is this: Put the electronics down and listen, play with, and engage with your kids.  Days might go by slowly, but years go by fast, and pretty soon the kids will be off doing their own thing, and we will pine for the days they couldn’t wait to share the intricacies of their days.  Facebook can wait, and so can email.  Our kids can’t.

Should I Take My Child to a Psychologist?

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Making the decision to take our kids to see a psychologist can feel huge.  And it is.  Particularly because we are usually making that decision in times of stress, worry, and frustration.  Very few people sign up for therapy when life is going well.

So, how does a parent know when a trip to a psychologist is warranted?

They ask.  Believe it or not, therapy and mental health has become such a part of popular culture, that kids often ask their parents if they can see a psychologist, counselor, or “go talk to someone.”  If your kids are asking, it’s probably a good idea to oblige.

Their behavior has changed.  All kids change, grow, and go through different phases as they age.  But if you notice particularly concerning or abrupt changes in your child’s behavior or emotions, it’s probably a good idea to get it checked out.  Some examples might include: increasing isolation, significant irritability, tearfulness, lack of interest in previously enjoyable activities, prolonged trouble with friends, sudden refusal to go to school, marked change in grades, or change in ability to get along with you and/or siblings.

There are more bad days than good ones.  Family strife can creep up on us.  Sometimes we don’t notice how much of a struggle togetherness and getting along has become.  But if you stop and think about it, and then realize there are more fights and angry exchanges going on than you would like, it might be time to get some assistance.

Your gut tells you to.  Mother’s (and father’s) intuition is usually right.  We are pretty good at paying attention to it when we have newborns, but sometimes lose track of it as our kids age and become more complicated.  So, it you’ve been thinking about giving therapy a try, it’s probably a good idea.

Some things to keep in mind about therapy:

  • It doesn’t mean you are weak or a bad parent.  In fact, it can mean the opposite – that you are aware, engaged, and taking an active role in your child’s life.
  • It doesn’t have to last forever.  In fact, many folks attend just a few sessions of therapy before noticing significant improvement in family life.
  • It doesn’t mean your child will be “labeled.”  Because of confidentiality laws, psychologists cannot disclose what is discussed during appointments, or even if you attended one at all (with a few exceptions).

 

Psychology, Self Esteem, and Photoshop

Photo via People Magazine

Do you recognize this celebrity?  I didn’t, even though she’s one of my favorites.  Believe it or not, it’s Taylor Swift.  She’s not retouched in this photo, and is sans makeup as well.  Still cute as a button, but certainly not the image we’re used to seeing.

Every few months a new story pops up about the absurdly doctored photographs of celebs and models that show up in magazines and on-line.  For some reason this article on Shine really caught my attention.  The images of Princess Kate and Britney Spears are particularly ridiculous.

It’s important we, as adults, see these photos.  But it’s perhaps even more important that we show them to the young girls in our lives.  Super thin arms, legs, and torsos balancing buoyant breasts and bums just isn’t natural – or biologically possible – for anyone but Barbie.  And even though we might “know” this intellectually, it is helpful to have a reminder every once in a while that even the most glamorous, sexy women have cellulite and blemished skin.

Appreciating what we have, downplaying what we don’t, and working towards achievable goals are all important aspects of mental health.  By understanding that many media photos are simply fantastical images born on the screen of a Photoshop-wielding graphic design intern, we can all feel a little more confident in our own skin.