Holy cow! It must be summer, because time is flying by and I am way behind on my blogging! While I wait for the “lazy” part of summer to arrive (rather than the super-harried, running around, getting used to new schedules summer that I’m in now) – here is an article I wrote for Produce for Kids. I provide some tips for maintaining healthy eating habits while school’s out. The folks at Produce for Kids provide some yummy, easy, and fresh recipes for summertime. Enjoy!
Author: drstephaniesmith
Life Through the Eyes of a Psychologist
Mental Health Blog Day Update
Yesterday was APA’s Mental Health Blog Day. They did a great job of rounding up some great bloggers to dedicate posts to mental health. Some of the bloggers are health writers, some not – but either way there was some great information shared! Check it out:
Some of my faves:
How clever are these blog titles? I just love discovering new, creative and entertaining bloggers. For a full list of Mental Health Blog Day participants click here.
Oh! And you can see my contribution to the party here: Mental Health Isn’t All Sadness and Worry; Doom and Gloom
Mental Health Isn’t All Sadness and Worry; Doom and Gloom
Today is Mental Health Blog Day over at the American Psychological Association (APA). APA is rounding up lots of terrific blog posts and articles all about mental health. This is a great place to learn more about diagnosis, treatment, resources, and what it is like to live with a mental illness. All of this information is useful and necessary, but I think sometimes we forget that mental health can be fun – and funny – too.
For example, the blog Hyperbole and a Half has recently dealt with the issue of debilitating depression. Yes, this is a serious topic. And yes, it is tough to read the author’s description of her extremely low mood and long periods of helplessness and hopelessness. But, the post is also pretty light-hearted and even funny in some sections.
Mental health and humor are two things that can be tough to combine, but there are places where the combination can be found: the TV show Monk, any of David Sedaris’ books, Chato Stewart’s mental health humor cartoons.
Creating mental health can be a good time – and it doesn’t always entail lying on a couch blaming your mother for your unhappy marriage, or taking a handful of pills everyday. While therapy and psychiatric medication may be a piece of mental health care for some of us; many of us can find it on our own. Gardening, baking, collecting gnomes, reading mysteries, brewing beer, playing chess in the park – these can all be ways to create and maintain good mental health.
How do you have fun while working on your mental health?
Are We Giving Too Much Advice?
There is advice everywhere I look. From the psychology and health related blogs I read (“How to Keep Your Kids Safe This Summer!” “10 Steps to Being a More Engaged Mom!”) to the home improvement blogs I enjoy (“How To Rip Out Carpet!” “Painting Your Deck with Ease!”) to the healthy living/fitness blogs I skim (“Cut Out Gluten for a Flatter Stomach!” “Train for a Marathon This Summer!”). I have to admit I have reached my breaking point when it comes to reading advice.
Who are these advice-givers anyway? And do they follow their own advice? Can any of us really be expected to do all these things we’re “supposed” to do?
I know, I know, my blog is full of tips, advice, strategies too. And believe me, sometimes I read my own words and they sound a bit like blah blah blahhhhhhhh to me as well.
Do you ever feel like you are being bombarded with advice? How do you cope? How do you choose what to tune out?
Advice, tips, coping strategies are all great things. But just like everything else: moderation is key. With that, I will follow my own advice and not offer any today.
Chores: Start Them Early And Often
I am a big fan of giving kids chores, and lots of them. Chores can help kids feel involved, and help parents feel like they are not alone in the care and running of the household. Chores also give kids a sense of responsibility and accomplishment. Granted, assigning chores can come with some serious opposition and digging in of heels, but by expecting involvement from a young age, the arguments over chores can be diminished. Once established, a good family chore routine can make everyone’s life a little easier.
I think many of us parents are guilty of under-estimating what our kids are capable of doing. We assume that they can’t cook, clean up, or put their clothes away just because they don’t do it of their own free will. Well, of course they don’t! Who doesn’t want to be waited on like royalty? The problem is, part of becoming a self-sufficient adult (which is the end-goal of childhood) is learning how to do those things for yourself. So, I say: start chores early and often.
As soon as kids are able to walk and understand a bit of what you say, you can start asking them to put things away. Of course, it won’t happen right away, but starting in early toddlerhood gets both you and your little one in some good habits.
Lori Gottlieb recently wrote about how she “outsources” chores to her young son. For ideas on how she does it, check out her article in Working Mother Magazine
Here are some other ideas for tasks little ones can do:
- Help change laundry from washer to dryer, etc
- Bring dirty clothes basket to the laundry room
- Help unload the dishwasher
- Empty trashcans
- Make their bed
- Put away their laundry
- Set the table
- Water houseplants
- Assist in bringing in groceries from the car
- Get the newspaper and/or mail
- Put away their own toys
- Sweep the floor
- Wipe down the dinner table
- Feed the family pets
- Help pack their own lunches
Mis-matched socks? Crazy hair? It doesn’t make you a bad mom!
Photo: my-little-emo.com
Several months ago I was interviewed for this story over on Baby Zone about how to deal with clothing battles. Honestly, this is one of my favorite topics, because almost everyone deals with it at one time or another.
Whether your kids refuse to wear clothes with itchy tags, never take off their sweat pants, insist on wearing short shorts in a snowstorm, hate anything without glitter, hate anything with glitter, refuse to have their hair brushed – we have ALL been there! Battling over clothing just comes with the territory of parenthood.
Granted, battling teens over their choice of clothing is quite different from battling a preschooler, but the battle will come at one time or another. That’s why getting started on a good path early can help down the road. For a bunch of ideas, check out the Baby Zone article. Here are my top suggestions:
Understand that your child’s clothing choices are not a reflection of your parenting skills. I know great parents whose kids always look a little mis-matched. But they are not loved – or parented – any less than any other kid. It’s just that their parents have allowed them to make their own choices about clothing, and don’t insist on perfect hair before leaving the house. They choose to focus their energies on other things like homework and family fun time.
Pick out one or two non-negotiables and forget about the rest. Some families feel strongly about modesty in clothing, others may feel uncomfortable with certain labels or words on clothes. My family? As long as it’s clean, it’s OK. Once you figure out 1-2 rules about clothing, share them with your kids and don’t waiver. But be sure to let the other things go. For example: It’s 25 degrees outside and snowing, but she wants to wear a size-too-small sundress with shorts underneath, and heels on her feet? Well, as long as it’s clean…
Embrace the creativity. Kids and teens often crave a way to exert some control over their worlds. Clothing can provide an opportunity to do just that. Instead of fighting their urge to be creative and gain some control in the world, embrace it. Engage them in conversation about their clothing choices, and encourage their creativity. Empower them in their wardrobe choices by teaching them how to do their own laundry, take them to a second hand clothing store, and expose them to sewing and fashion.
For more ideas, check out the full article:
Get Your Grills Ready!
Produce for Kids is hosting a Twitter Party on May 16th! Join PFK and Spatula Dad for some tips on healthy summer grilling! Yum!
A Psychologist’s Take on Leaning In
I’m going to do it: I’m going to join the throng and add my two cents about the much-talked-about the book Lean In. First a little back story:
Sheryl Sandberg is the COO of Facebook. She is extraordinarily successful on many fronts: financially, professionally, socially, and it seems from her book that she also has a happy, loving family (she is married and has two youngish kids). Ms. Sandberg decided to write this book after giving a series of talks about why women haven’t achieved more in the highest levels of business and government. Take a look at her TED talk.
It seems like she was hoping this book would allow her a platform to flush out her ideas about “women, work, and the will to lead” more thoroughly. Some are calling this book a new “feminist manifesto,” a modern day Vindication of the Rights of Women (I love that book!) or the Feminine Mystique (I like that one, too).
Here’s the thing: a beautifully written call to arms to American women this book is not. It’s not a highly-intellectualized, academic work about the role of women either. In fact, it is a super-readable, totally understandable book that outlines, chapter by chapter, the things that women (and men) do to keep true equality in the workplace from being realized. More specifically, why women aren’t “sitting at the table” in more board rooms and places of real power.
There were a few things I loved about this book:
- I couldn’t stop thinking about it. For the few days I was reading this book I found myself thinking about it while I was reading it, in the morning when I woke up, and while I was eating my sandwich at lunch. It wasn’t that I was eager to get back to reading it, it’s just that it really made me think. Unfortunately I was never really able to articulate what it was making me think about, or what I really thought about her message. It is a rare thing for me to be tongue-tied, but this book left me just that. What does that mean exactly? I’m not sure, but I do know that if people are talking/thinking about your work you must be doing something right.
- Her passion. Ms. Sandberg clearly has a passion for women and leadership. Her energy and dedication to her own professional achievement, and now the achievement of other women is impressive. While I’m not convinced that her book will spark another wave of feminism, I think hers is an important voice in our culture right now. I am hopeful that young women will read her book and consider her ideas.
- Her sound bites. Ms. Sandberg offers up a few motivational passages that reportedly hang on the office walls of Facebook. My favorite: Done is better than perfect. So many of us get hung up on perfection (which of course is elusive) that we don’t get much done. Ms. Sandberg is clearly someone who gets LOTS done, and it’s nice to know that she doesn’t expect perfection.
- Her honesty. While reading the first two-thirds of the book, I kept wondering when she was going to talk about dealing with other women. Meaning: the moms in the school drop-off line who think she is a b*$#ch and a terrible mom. I can hear the parking lot posse now: “She’s never home!” “She’s so full of herself” and “Why did she even bother to have kids if she’s not going to be the one to raise them?” Finally, on page 167 she writes about this issue:
Stay-at-home mothers can make me feel guilty and, at times, intimidate me. There are moments when I feel like they are judging me, and I imagine there are moments when they feel like I am judging them. But when I push past my own feelings of guilt and insecurity, I feel grateful. These parents – mostly mothers – constitute a large amount of the talent that helps sustain our schools, nonprofits, and communities.
There was something I didn’t love about this book, too:
- It made me tired. This just about sums up my feeling about the book as a whole. The entire time I was reading it I felt tired and like a huge slacker. Ms. Sandberg has clearly accomplished a lot professionally, and has done so through hard work and long hours. She wants to see other women do this too. She wants us “sitting at the table” and participating more equally at the highest levels of business and government. I whole-heartedly agree. The only problem was that I was so worn out just by reading her book, I was left with zero energy to change the world into a better place. I am pretty sure that Ms. Sandberg wouldn’t accept tiredness as an excuse for not “leaning in” to my career, or not helping other women do so; unfortunately it’s all I’ve got.
When I asked a colleague whether she had read “Lean In,” she replied no, that she needed to do more “leaning out” in her life. I didn’t ask her what she meant because I think I already know. So many of us women (and men, to be fair) are so busy working, caring for children and parents, volunteering, exercising, paying bills, and squeezing in a few hours sleep that changing the gender dynamics around us just falls off the to-do list.
As I was really starting to feel lousy about how little I do in comparison to Ms. Sandberg in the fight for gender equality, I received this email from her “team” in response to an interview request I sent:
Looks like Ms. Sandberg does a little leaning out, too.
To read more about Lean In, Ms. Sandberg’s non-profit dedicated to supporting women click here.
What We Can Learn from Single Moms
The other day I got the opportunity to listen to an excellent interview on NPR. The title of the segment was: Single Moms Make It Work and featured 3 single moms: Lori Gottlieb, Stacia Brown, and Aracely Panameno.
The women seemed to enjoy themselves during the 15 minute interview which focused on tips and tricks many single moms use to make their lives run more smoothly. The interviewees pointed out that while we may have stereotypes about single moms (harried, super-busy women who were left by their partners); these stereotypes don’t always fit reality (big surprise). Some women may be single by choice, others live in multi-generational homes instead of a more traditional two-parent household. Whatever their living situation and what led them to it, these women were clear: single moms have lots to teach the rest of us.
- It’s OK to ask for help. Stacia Brown pointed out that it is not a sign of weakness to ask others for help. Rarely can anyone parent alone (even those who have a partner), so being able to reach out when assistance is needed is key.
- We all have different ways of doing things. Lori Gottlieb spoke about the fact that different things work for different families. It is up to us as parents (single or not) to figure out what works best for us and our children. Sometimes this means we have to learn to live with imperfection in ourselves, our homes, or our children’s craft projects.
- Outsource the housework. I just love this tip offered by Lori Gottlieb. By outsourcing she means getting our kids involved with the running of the household. Laundry, dishes, watering plants, dusting, cooking – kids are capable of lots more than we often give them credit for. Demanding that our kids take more responsibility at home helps them learn important skills – and helps us parents in the process!
- Be disciplined, committed, and organized. Aracely Panameno offered this guidance to the listeners. I was struck by how important these things are in all aspects of life whether it be parenting, work, or relationships.
To listen to the interview in its entirety, click here.
More Sex = More Happiness?
The equation might not be quite as simple as more sex equaling more happiness, but according to Dr. Tim Wadsworth, a sociology professor at the University of Colorado, sex does play a part in how happy we are. He and his team looked at sociological data and surveys and found that those folks who thought they were having more sex than their friends and neighbors reported a higher level of happiness than those who thought they were sexually active less frequently. This can be a bit confusing of course, because most of us don’t know for sure how often other couples are having sex.
Dr. Wadsworth explained that we learn about other people’s sex lives (or at least we think we do) through a variety of sources other than direct report. For example, watching movies, TV, and reading magazine articles about frequency of sex can all work together to give us a sense of how often those around us are sexually active.
Years ago I had a supervisor who told me that he could judge the health of couple’s relationship simply by learning a few specifics about their sex life (frequency, satisfaction of both partners, etc). I’m not sure I’d go that far, as there can be circumstances that make sexual activity difficult or impossible (illness, injury, distance, etc) in otherwise happy couples. But, I don’t deny that sexual activity is an important part of overall health and happiness.
For more information about the health benefits of sex, I checked out WebMD and found this great article. Among the benefits of sex: Decreased stress and blood pressure, and improved immune function. Of course particularly active sex might count as physical activity and exercise, with the resulting cardiovascular benefits. For the full list of health benefits (including improved self esteem) check out WebMD’s article.
To read more about Dr. Wadsworth’s study about sex and happiness, click here.