Author: drstephaniesmith

Life Through the Eyes of a Psychologist

Party at the VMA’s: Miley, Gaga and Why We Missed the Best Part

Ahhhh…the Video Music Awards.  Who can resist the yearly display of pop culture including good music, crazy fashion, wild dances; and let’s not forget the annual controversy.

Madonna kissed Britney in 2003:

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Kanye stole Taylor’s thunder in 2009:

…and who can forget Lady Gaga’s meat dress in 2010. Delicious:

When I turned on my computer this morning, everyone was talking about the performance delivered by Miley Cyrus (aka Hannah Montana) at last night’s VMA’s.  This Disney-star-turned-sex-kitten’s (was that what her costume was?) song was the most talked about of the night. She gyrated, stripped down to a skimpy outfit and danced in a super provocative way with Robin Thicke (even causing the host to comment that she might have become pregnant from all the grinding).

Here’s the thing: people are flipping out about her performance. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why. Yea, it was sexy and risque, but so was Lady Gaga’s number.  Come to think of it, there were plenty of scantily-clad women shaking their booties to hither and yon. What’s the big deal? I really have no idea.

Sadly, I think we are all missing the most provocative, exciting performance of the night: Macklemore.  Forget all the hoopla surrounding Miley and check out Macklemore’s touching performance below:

In a few years we will look back and feel bored at Miley’s gyrations, but Macklemore’s words about acceptance, human rights and loving one another are timeless and meaningful no matter when they are heard.

 

 

 

Childhood Obesity: Simple Steps for the New School Year

I read this article about childhood obesity over on Yahoo! today and it made me so sad. Of course we have all seen and heard the statistics about our kids getting bigger and less healthy, but for some reason this article really got me thinking. So many of us struggle to make changes in our lives because the changes we need to make seem so big, overwhelming, and frankly,  un-doable.  I think this deer-in-the-headlights phenomenon happens to families when we hear about all the things we should be doing for and with our kids each day: 60 minutes of active outdoor time, 3 home-cooked meals, 30 minutes of reading, plenty of time for free play and spontaneous conversation. Ugh. It’s overwhelming and just not possible for most of us (at least not everyday!).

So after looking at Yahoo!’s article and thinking about the reasons they note for childhood obesity, I am offering some tips for the new school year.  I hope you can find at least one tip to incorporate into your family’s school year routine.

Quit trying to reinvent the wheel.  There are lots of blogs out there that specialize in menus, meal plans and recipes that are simple, cheap, healthy and most importantly: hold their own when it comes to picky eaters.  Some of my favorite sites? Produce for Kids (full disclosure: I am on their advisory board) and Six Sisters Stuff.  Gourmet chefs these folks are not, but who really wants to eat gourmet every night anyway?

Water, water everywhere. We get it: soda pop and juice are pretty bad for us. Try switching just ONE beverage each day to water and go from there.  To make the transition easier, you may want to invest in a cool water bottle, some twisty straws, or my favorites – Red Solo cups!

Forget exercise, let’s just get active. I have tried to stop using the word “exercise” because there are all of about 14 people who actually want to do. “Activity” on the other hand, sounds like a lot more fun and elicits many fewer moans and groans when mentioned.  Activity also includes tons of interesting things that most of us want to do anyway: play badminton, plant flowers, go canoeing, ride bikes to the library and walk around the mall.  This school year, try encouraging (and demonstrating) activity to your kids by planning outings as a family or trying new activities after school.

If nothing else, eat together. We can blame our lack of family dinners on our busy schedules sometimes, but let’s face it: sometimes it’s just lack of motivation, preparation and organization that keeps us from sharing meals together. We know that eating dinner together more often than not helps in all sorts of ways (helps us all eat healthier foods, keeps kids away from drugs, encourages conversation and discourages family stress – check out this article on how and why family dinners are important).  In fact, participating in family dinners seems to be about the most important thing we can do to encourage health in our children.

Want more information and tips?

The Importance of Family Dinners

Making the Most of Dinnertime

 

 

New (School) Year Resolutions

photo credit

photo credit

“I’m so sad summer’s over!”

“I can’t wait for my kids to go back to school!”

“Why did you even have kids if you’re so eager to get rid of them?!”

“I’m dreading homework, soccer practice, and the routine of school!”

Every family is  different and summer means unique things to all of us. While I’m not sure that looking forward to our kids’ going back to school means we’re bad parents, I do think that being somewhat ambivalent about summer’s end is pretty normal.

For many families, the start of the school year also means a chance to start fresh: eat healthier meals, stick to earlier bedtimes and reinforce chore charts. It can be a perfect time of year to consider what changes might be helpful around the house. Even if your family doesn’t include kids, many of us see August/September as a time to start anew, buy some new pens and hope for better days ahead.

What are your “new year’s” resolutions for this school year?

 

 

Grieving Cory Monteith and Coming Clean About Addiction

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It has taken me the 13 days since Cory Monteith’s death to write this post.  And I am still not sure what to say.

Regular Dr. Stephanie readers know that I am a Gleek. I have often written about the show’s messages about mental health and diversity. More than anything I simply love the characters and the music.

So, like many others around the world I was heartbroken to hear about Cory Monteith’s death of what turns out was a mixture of heroine and alcohol.

What can I say, and what can we learn from this extremely sad event?

  • Life is short
  • The death of a friend, a lover, a co-worker and even a TV idol can be tremendously painful
  • Substance abuse can happen to anyone, any family and in any circle of friends

Perhaps it is this last bit that can be the most shocking: anyone – no matter how rich, popular, talented, loved or good looking – can fall prey to substance abuse and addiction.  Addiction knows no bounds, and it is one heck of a liar; making it tough for even the closest of friends to spot its presence. Most of us know that sheer force of will can’t stop an addict from using, but we do know that support of friends and family can help make the path to sobriety a bit less arduous.

If you have a friend or family member who you believe is struggling with addiction, or has come to you for help check out the resources below:

RIP Cory Monteith.

 

 

 

 

Book Review: Please Don’t Label My Child

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I picked up this book, Please Don’t Label My Child, a couple of weeks ago at my local library. It was an impulse buy of sorts. I’m prone to those – particularly at the library.  And boy am I glad I am, because this book was fantastic.  It’s really much better than the title implies (it is not a rant against psychiatric diagnoses, labels, and drugs), but a thoughtful, common-sense, easy-to-read essay on kids and what affects them:

  • Poor eating habits/malnutrition
  • Lack of sleep
  • Lack of exercise
  • Stressors in the home
  • Stressors at school/with friends
  • Lack of exposure to sunlight

The author, Dr. Scott Shannon, posits that it is often these factors that negatively affect kids’ ability to concentrate, manage stress, and cope with worry – and NOT an organic psychiatric condition like ADHD, depression, or bipolar disorder.

While I don’t doubt the existence of psychiatric and emotional disorders in kids, I do think we sometimes overlook more basic explanations for maladaptive behavior.  After all, do any of us really function all that great when we are sleep deprived, grieved over the loss of a marriage, struggling with financial insecurity, or lack (for whatever reason) wholesome, nutritious foods?  Of course we don’t. And neither do children, whose systems are even more fragile than ours.

In our super crazy, complex world I appreciate straightforward answers and solutions.  Dr. Shannon’s book gives us just that. While there are many children and families who need more intensive interventions (therapy, medication) perhaps there are many, too, whose struggles can be aided by the relatively simple solutions offered in this book.

I recommend this book whole-heartedly for health practitioners, as well as parents who are concerned about some aspect of their child’s behavior.  It is a great first step in making some relatively small changes that can make a big difference.

Are Your Kids Going to Bed at the Right Time?

What time is bedtime at your house? A new study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health suggests that bedtime itself isn’t so important – but consistency is.  CNN’s blog, The Chart covers the study in more detail, but basically the authors found that kiddos who went to bed around the same time each night performed better on intellectual tests than their peers whose bedtimes were more variable.

Of course, kids (and adults too!) need lots of sleep.  For a list of how much sleep kids need for optimal health look here.

So how do we set regular, consistent bedtimes for our kids (and ourselves)?

Be realistic.  A 7:00pm bedtime might have worked when your wee-one was 2, but now that they’re 10 it just might not be feasible what with t-ball, piano lessons, and homework to manage.  Pick a time that allows your family to do what you need to do each day AND get the recommended amount of sleep and stick with that.

Make your bedtime routine, routine.  The new study tells us that consistent bedtimes are important.  In order for that to happen, we need a consistent bedtime routine too.  Bath, reading, massage, story time, dance-off – whatever your bedtime routine is make sure you stick to it.

Break the routine once in a while.   What fun is a routine if we don’t break it once in a while? Whether it’s once a quarter or once a month, consider letting loose and staying up late. Not only is it fun, but it will help you appreciate the routine you’ve worked so hard to stick to!

 

Ready Campers? It’s Time to Improve Your Mental Health

Now doesn't that look like fun? Photo Credit

Now doesn’t that look like fun?
Photo Credit

I loved camp as a kid. Girl Scout camp, YMCA day camp, overnight camp: I did it all and loved (almost) every minute of it. I’m sure my fond memories of being a camper contribute to my enthusiasm for camp as an adult and parent. But it’s when I am wearing my psychologist hat that I am most enthusiastic about the benefits of summer camp for kids:

Learning new (and unusual?) things.  Not all kids thrive in the traditional school environment.  In addition, some don’t find a true passion amongst the classes and clubs offered there.  Summer camps can provide an opportunity for kids to explore a new interest.  Some of the most interesting offerings I’ve seen in my area include show choir camp, Mine Craft camp, and Egyptian history camp. Who knew?

Staying in the groove.  The often-times relaxed schedules of summer can be wonderful, but we don’t want our kids’ brains to waste away too much!  A few hours at a camp helps their minds (and bodies) stay active, and oftentimes makes it easier to transition back to school schedules when fall comes around.

Living outside the cliques.  Even if your kiddo doesn’t struggle with “friend issues,” summer camps can be a great opportunity to interact with kids from other schools, backgrounds, interests and abilities.  This can often be a welcome relief from living in the cliques or groups in which they normally reside.

Practicing social skills.  Learning how to meet people, make friends, and interact in unfamiliar settings are critical life skills. Summer camps can be great, low-risk opportunities to work on these things. Pushing ourselves slightly outside of our comfort zones can very often be a wonderful thing!

Want to sign your child up for camp but feel worried about how you’ll cope? Check out the American Psychological Association’s article on managing summer camp worries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer Vacation: Plugged or Un-plugged?

Have you taken your summer vacation yet? If not, you may find yourself pondering this very question: Should I stay plugged in, or go all-in and un-plug the world? I was having this debate conversation just last night.  Are vacations better if they are completely un-plugged? Is it even possible?  Will my vacation be more beneficial if I don’t check my email, voicemail, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and beyond?

What about when I return: Will the re-entry to my “real” life be more difficult if I have a week or two worth of messages waiting for me?

Here’s my take:

Vacations come in all shapes and sizes.  There’s the quick weekend getaway, the family reunion trip, the sightseeing/cultural trip, the boy scout camping trip, the Disney World trip and the long, lazy summer trip.  It might be no big deal to stay plugged in (meaning checking voicemail, email, etc) on short trips like weekend getaways.  In fact, staying plugged in to the “real world” might be the only thing that gets you through kid-focused trips (like to Disney) and can provide excellent excuses for escape on family reunion trips.

Camping trips and long, lazy summer trips are different in my book.  These vacations should most certainly be experienced un-plugged.  These types of trips are meant to be savored and should be a complete change of pace from your normal life. We can’t be expected to truly un-wind, re-group, and relax if we are constantly updating Facebook or responding to customer inquiries.  Sand castles and s’mores are meant to be relished – and who can do that while responding to email?

How do you decide whether or not to un-plug?

Making Summer Simple

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The “lazy days of summer” I referred to in my last post don’t seem to be coming around as quickly as I would have liked.  Instead, I am having some “crazy days of summer” – running around too fast, too far, and missing perfectly good summer days around here!  In thinking about how to slow down and capture those delicious, slow, long days of summertime I have been compiling a list of ideas.  Thoughts about how we can all slow down and enjoy this season:

  • Check email less often.  Maybe just once in the morning and once at night will do?
  • Instead of posting about your comings and goings on Facebook – get offline and actually experience them! Consider implementing media-free days for yourself
  • Go to the library and stock up on books: fiction, non-fiction, coffee table books, magazines.  Having lots of reading (and “looking”) material on hand might encourage you to actually sit down and relax!
  • Make eating easy.  Check out my post on healthy summer eating.  For some simple summertime recipes check out Produce for Kids.
  • Say no.  Showers, parties, open houses, and birthday celebrations can be fun – but they can eat up time like nobody’s business.  Be picky about how your spend your time and practice saying “no thank you” if need be.
  • Keep a list of fun activities handy.  I’ve known several families who keep a list of fun, relatively easy activities nearby so if they are ever at a loss of things to do, they can simply check their list.  Ideas might include: a local hike, a trip to the zoo, a picnic in the park, pizza at the pool (one of my faves), a midnight movie, and so on.
  • Do something new.  It’s so easy to get into ruts and routines so rigid that we never try new things.  Summer, with its zillions of activities, can be a wonderful time to try new things.  Pickleball, anyone?