Motherhood and Materialism: Babies R Us Might Have Us All Fooled

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Lori D’Angelo.  Welcome, Lori!

Hi! I’m Lori D’Angelo and I am a fiction writer. I live in Virginia with my husband, son, dogs, and cat. Click here to read one of my recent short stories.

In the months before we had our child, I remember walking into Babies R Us and feeling very, very stressed.  What was all this stuff? And did we need it?  I had been reading parenting mags and baby books and online advice and felt that oh, yes, we did. Could we live without a changing table? Oh no, we could not.

But the problem was I got pregnant in graduate school and was looking for a job. Just paying monthly bills was a struggle. The other problem was that we lived in a house not a mega-mansion.

In the three years since my son was born, I’ve learned that we could live without a lot of that stuff. Due to the generosity of friends and relatives, we did get a lot of that stuff. But some of it we didn’t really need. Some of it, no one really needs. For example, a video baby monitor is really not a necessity. Nor, actually, in the house we live in now, is a baby monitor at all because our son’s room is right across from the master bedroom. So, if he cries, we hear him. Many things, like a crib mobile, are only going to be able to keep up for a short time. So, it’s okay if you don’t actually put one up at all.

Some things about our society, the ease of getting information quickly or the availability of a million latte flavors, are really great—especially on a day when you didn’t get much sleep. But some things really are a money drain. Just because something’s available to us doesn’t mean we have to have it. The joy, the pure joy of a hug from your child, is not at all dependent on whether or not he has a matching crib set.  So don’t let yourself get caught up in the designer parent rat race. You can be a good parent—regardless of whether you have a top of the line stroller and a $300 diaper bag.

Jesus, Diapers and Chardonnay

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Chara Ramer.  Welcome, Chara!

Photo: Lancia Smith

Hi! I’m Chara and I am the mama of two fabulous boys, ages 3 and almost 6.  I work as a bookkeeper, but my passion is being with my kids as well as writing.  I hope to write in such a way that opens dialogue where it is most needed but seldom happens.  I hope to create a safe space for Moms to support each other in this journey.
To that end, I am getting my blog up and running: jesusdiapersandchardonnay.com.

So I gotta be honest…sometimes I really don’t like my kids.  Take this moment to judge me all you want, but please keep reading.  I love my kids. They are brilliant, adorable, fabulous, inspiring…and often exhausting.  Don’t get me wrong, I really do usually like them, and I always love them.   But being a mom is hard, and being nice to my kiddos day in day out is even harder.
I think the problem is that our society doesn’t give us space, or license to talk in such terms.  We are all walking around pretending that we feel that raising children is this continuously fabulous and joyous experience that we are privileged to be a part of.  And that is very true, some of the time.  But the rest of the time, Mothering is hard work.  Mothering requires great effort, endless sacrifice, and constant innovation.  We are always on call, we never really have a day off, and our job description changes by the hour.
As moms we spend a lot of time feeling guilty, and this guilt keeps us from expressing what is really going on inside.  But as with any difficult situation (and ladies, let’s face it, raising children is difficult), we can find comfort in knowing we are not alone.  We can find refreshment in ideas from other like minded equally honest “colleagues.”  We can find rest for our weary spirits sometimes if we just pause long enough to admit that this is really a struggle, and its okay not to love it every minute of every day.
So if you are reading this, and you do not struggle, then I applaud you, and even envy you.  If you are struggling, but feel too scared to tell anyone, then think about taking a risk.  Chances are, moms around you are feeling the same way.
Just go for total disclosure, and trust that other Mamas will feel relieved and empowered by your honesty.  I mean don’t we all wonder who we can talk to when all you want to say is “I can’t stand being around my kid right now, I feel like I am a crappy mom, and all I really want to do is take a nap for 3 days.”  If only each of us had another mom to call when we feel such things…
For instance, lately my 3 year old has been making me totally nuts.  Literally “Bouncing off the walls” is an understatement of his behavior the past few weeks.  Last week at my older son’s kindergarten graduation party, I had to run out to the car to grab something.  I found a couple of my “Mommy friends” and said to them:  “Could you keep an eye on him real quick?  Because if I have to take him all the way out to the car and back, I might just give him away to someone.”  They laughed, a bit awkwardly in that way we moms do when we don’t know how to respond to another mom.  Then I smiled a big smile saying:  “Of course I wouldn’t give him away, that would be crazy…I would sell him for money.”  Their awkward smiles just got bigger.  But beneath the somewhat strained smiles, was an element of relief that they weren’t the only ones having a tough time with their kids.  As I walked out of the room I said with a big smile, “Clearly I’m just kidding…well, mostly kidding.”
Of course I would never actually put my 3 year old up for sale (does EBay even have a category for that?).  But sometimes, just in joking about it (when the kids are clearly out of earshot and can’t be emotionally damaged by what I’m saying!), I find I can breathe a little easier.
Bottom line; let’s be a little more honest about the tough stuff.  Let’s support each other a bit more by admitting that we all have our moments of extreme joy, and also extreme anguish when it comes to this journey called motherhood.  And if all else fails, pour yourself a glass of wine or sparkling water with lime, sit down for a minute no matter how crazy the kids are, and remind yourself that you are fabulous, and your kids are so fortunate to have you as their Mama.

Motherhood and Intended Purposes

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Pam Mellskog.  Welcome, Pam!

Pam Mellskog is a mom of three boys ages 6, 4, and 2.  She is also a reporter for the Longmont Times-Call newspaper in Colorado.  In addition, Pam writes the blog Mommy Musings. Editor’s note: Her blog is a great read and has some darling pictures of her kids! Check it out!
After I interviewed a local couple for an upcoming article to run on the Longmont Times-Call’s wedding anniversary and engagement page this Saturday, the man invited me into his workshop to look at a black box originally made to be a baby coffin.
This 79-year-old man collected all sorts of antiques – glass milk jars from defunct local dairies, oxen harness fittings, cracked wooden toys, rusty tools and so much more.
Probably a thousand or even 2,000 items filled his workshop and three white-washed semi-trailers parked in a row beside it.
Some objects, such as the crank-driven device with miniature push-broom brushes that fit over a large barrel, were so old and so obsolete that neither of us really knew the object’s intended purpose.
As it turned out, the father who built the baby coffin understood better than us how much times can change.
The man I interviewed on Monday night with his wife of 57 years said that he bought the baby coffin at an estate sale from an elderly man living in rural Nebraska with his elderly wife.
After the birth of one of their children, the then-young Nebraska couple followed the doctor’s orders to prepare for their baby’s impending death.
So, while the bereaved mother tended to the sick child as best as she could, the bereaved father built the coffin – a small, black box with brass studs on the seams long since tarnished to a color as dark as the old paint.
When we lifted the lid, we could see that this father also painted the interior a deep red. Under the lid, he used more black paint to stencil a stylized stork carrying off a sack.
But instead of placing his child in that box shortly after the paint dried, the man built a tray with compartments to fit snugly in it. And for the next many decades, he used the box for tools before emptying it and selling it to the man I interviewed with his wife early this week.
The baby lived.
In the last 24 hours since I touched the baby-coffin-turned-tool-box, I’ve thought more about my third child – a son with special needs related to Down Syndrome.
Once upon a time, society would have doomed Ray, now 2, and put him in some sort of dark box.
Doctors fewer than 50 years ago told parents to institutionalize these babies shortly after their birth and to never think about them again.
But like that old baby coffin, such a child comes with a very different intended purpose –  a life that includes tremendous potential for productivity and belonging and value.
Today, after another long week with my husband being gone on a business trip in the Middle East, I feel so far from being the parenting magazine mom – that woman who plans craft activities a week in advance, wears colorful,  fresh-pressed clothes and never seems to frown or yell or complain.
Trying to work even just 10 hours as a reporter on deadline while taking care of my three boys – ages 2, 4 and 6 – seems foolhardy!
Yet, my job gave back to my family and me this week.
Now, thanks to that interviewee showing me around his place, I have another vivid image of what my intended purpose is and what it is not.

Be Careful What You Say – The Kids ARE Listening!

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Megan Alpert.  Welcome, Megan!
My name is Megan Alpert and I am a mom of two boys and work for MapQuest in Denver, CO.  I love sharing the adventures of life and parenthood with my husband, Aaron.

Words to live by:

My children have perfectly good ears – they can hear the quietest whisper of a conversation, from across the room, if it is something they are trying to overhear.   And yet, most days, I find myself repeating requests as if I am speaking an undecipherable foreign language.  “Please get your shoes on…let’s set the table…please don’t swing golf clubs in the house…use your napkin instead of your shirt”    I find solace in knowing that I am not alone when I think phrases that have come to symbolize parenthood, such as: “How many times do I need to tell you” and “Did you hear me?”  Recently, I realized that even though you may feel like a repeat record, our children are listening to us.

Years ago, I read The Help, (amazing book if you haven’t read it!) and was moved by the words that the main character always recites the little girl: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”  I decided that this message would be a mantra that I would tell my little boys each night as I tucked them in.

Last month, my second grader came home with a stack full of papers from school.  As I flipped through his work, asking him for the 3rd time to please not throw baseballs in the kitchen, I came across a green piece of construction paper, the edge corners curled framing a white paper with marker writing.   The top of the page read, My Family Values, and below, written in his nicest penmanship, the words: “You are kind. You are smart. You are important.”  My heart smiled and I had one of those amazing moments that we all have as mothers – pure happiness and pride.
And I realized, our words do matter and our words are heard.  Choose wisely.

Motherhood Must Haves? Crocs, Fruit Snacks, and Prayer

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Erin McNeil.  Welcome, Erin!

I’m a happy wife and mom of boys.  I hold bachelors and masters degrees in Social Psychology with an emphasis in Women & Adolescent Girls.
I’m currently undergoing Life Coach Training/Certification and hope to begin my life coach practice in early 2013.

In my opinion, 1 boy = 3 girls.   So, I really feel like I have 9 children.  With that said, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Motherhood has been all that I thought of and hoped for, and of course much more.  When my oldest son was only a few months old I was strolling through the mall.  A father smiled at me and then looking at my son said, “Every stage is my favorite“.  I took that as advice to live in the present.  I agree with him – every stage has been my favorite.  If only I could thank him for such great advice.
I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to teach respect and love in our home and have just recently seen the blessed results in having my children be their own best friends.  I can only hope and pray this will continue.  There is nothing I would rather do than raise these children.  I feel the weight and pressure of doing my very best to raise my boys to ultimately be good men.  With boys I’ve found the key to success is being silly, being active and having lots and lots of food – regardless of where you are.
Things I couldn’t do without = LEGOS, PBS’ “Curious George” TV show, Digital music, Crocs, Fruit Snacks, Swimming Pools, Miss Jen’s Joy School, Crayola Markers, Household Bleach & Prayer.

The Little Extras Make a Big Difference in Motherhood (and Life)

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Mandy Baron.  Welcome, Mandy!

Hi, I’m Mandy.  I am a part time Dental Hygienist in Dallas, Texas.   My Husband, Andrew, and I are parents to two little tornadoes boys; Austin (3) and Tyler (1).

We sometimes joke that we used to think we were great, single, individuals… then we got married.  We realized we both had a LONG list of improvements to be made.  We took a few years, learned a few things and again felt like pretty good people.  Then we had our two little boys and realized, again, we had our work cut out for us.  Being a mother has brought me joy, taught me countless lessons and continues to humble me every day.
I love the quote “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little “extra”- Jimmy Johnson.
Usually at the end of the day (while looking at the path of destruction caused by my tornadoes) the last thing I want to do is exert any effort or energy.  I have found that adding that little ”extra” has improved my relationship with my family.   Whether it is extra time for my kids, extra effort, extra time jumping on the trampoline, or extra chocolate chips in their pancakes I know the effort is appreciated.  I’m not saying by any means to over-do it; just take an extra five minutes.

Sacrifice, Tough Love, and Fun – All a Part of Motherhood

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Janice Beck.  Welcome, Janice!

I have been blessed to be an Early Childhood Educator and Director for 20 years (10 in public Kindergartens and 10 in my Church Preschool),
a wife of a thoughtful and Christian husband, and a mother of two. I was also blessed to be able to be a “stay-at-home” mom when my 2 sons (now 27 and 29) were in school,
but I did not stay-at-home very much, as I volunteered a lot in my church and in my sons’ classrooms teaching Art in the School and serving on School Parent Boards.

When my husband and I raised (and we continue to “raise” them with advise)
our two sons, now 27 and 29, we tried to be on the same page and use these:
5 Principles for Parenthood
1. Train your children up in faith, in “giving back” and in God’s Love.
2. Have fun with your children.  Enjoy every minute of parenthood–the good, the bad
and the ugly
3.  Be consistent in love and discipline.  Don’t be afraid to use “tough” love.  Believe
it or not, children want to be fairly disciplined.
4.  Have children take responsibility for their actions, as early as possible.
5.  Be a good role model and mentor for your children and spend some time taking care
of your needs. But remember, sacrificing for your children is part of loving them.

The Smells of Motherhood

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Jeannie Hulse.

Hi I’m Jeannie Hulse, State Farm insurance agent in Erie, CO. I’m married to my best friend, Robert, and we have one son, Brian, who is 23 and serves in the military.

Jeannie's son Brian. Serviceman and light of her life!

Having grown up with brothers (three of them), I was quite prepared to raise a son (dirty hands, lots of cars and smelly sports equipment, etc).  What blew me away was and is the unconditional love I have for him.  I, like many mom’s,  had to juggle having a full time job, being a wife and mom and add being the only parent during the week  (my husband drove a truck over the road for the first 5 years of our son’s life).  My favorite memory of being a mom is the smells (baby powder to smelly hockey skates) and bedtime…we’d snuggle together and read books and talk about our day.  Those special times made every struggle and/or sacrifice worth every minute.