Tag: should i start therapy

Secrets From The Couch

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I recently ran across this article on BuzzFeed: 29 Things No One Ever Tells You About Being In Therapy.  I pretty much love the articles BuzzFeed writes on mental health because they’re clever, helpful and fun.  And let’s face it: most of us mental health professionals wouldn’t be described as “fun.”  Sad, but true.

Anyway, this article was particularly great because the 29 Things were provided by readers.  Here are a couple of my faves:

#3: It might take a sec to find the right therapist

and

#4: Even when you do, it might take some time to connect

I also liked:

#13: Sometimes your therapist will piss you off

…I might add that if your therapist doesn’t piss you off (or bug you, or something something that doesn’t sit right with you) then you probably aren’t getting as much out of therapy as you could.  Change is uncomfortable.

I also really liked the last one:

#29: Needing to go back to therapy – or stay in it for a while – isn’t failing

This is so true.  Not many people know that going back to therapy after taking a break can be hugely beneficial.  I have lots of folks in my practice who come for a while; take a break for a while; come back for a while to work on something else, and so on.

To see all 29, check out the full article here.

 

Why Therapy?

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“Therapy is a waste of time and money.”

“You don’t need therapy if you have good friends.”

“Therapists just want to change people into something they’re not.”

“I should be able to fix my problems myself.”

“I don’t believe in therapy.”

I have heard all these things in my 15+ years in the field of psychology.  And honestly I, too sometimes wonder what the heck therapy (and therapists!) are good for.  Does anything of real importance actually happen in the therapy office? Are people really helped by “talk therapy” or is it all a scam?  Would be all be better off just popping a pill and calling a psychic?

The answers to these questions are:

  • Powerful things can happen in therapy.
  • Yes, people are really helped by talking about their problems.
  • And, no, we’re not better off just popping pills.

Here are some of the reasons I believe therapy is so powerful:

  • There are few other situations in life in which you get to be the center of attention for a full hour.  Therapy is a time in which you get to call the shots, meaning: you get to choose what to talk about, how to talk about it, and when to move onto another topic.  I tell my clients that the therapy session is “their time” to do with whatever they like.  When else does that happen?
  • Talking to a therapist can seem like talking to a friend, at least at first.  But it differs in some important ways: your therapist doesn’t tell you about their own problems, fears, etc and your therapist doesn’t have a dog in the fight.  Meaning, it doesn’t matter to your therapist if you take job A or job B; choose boyfriend C or D; or quit calling your mother for 3 months.  Her feelings won’t be hurt no matter how you live your life.  Her main priority is that you improve your mental health.
  • The therapy office is a safe place to try out new ways of thinking, understanding and interacting with your world.  Because sharing your life with your therapist is just the first part of the therapy, the subsequent (and more interesting and transformative) parts include challenging your old ways of thinking and behaving in the hope of getting to a different place psychologically.  This takes time and effort – and yes, even a little discomfort at times – but is at the heart of the therapeutic process.
  • When push comes to shove I view myself as an educator.  I educate folks about all sorts of different things in the course of my typical day: child development, parenting, stress management, mental health – the list goes on and on.  Why read a million self help books when you can get a one-on-one tutoring session?

No doubt about it, therapy is a pretty weird and intimidating process.  But it’s powerful and worthwhile.  Want more information about psychotherapy and how it works? Check out more articles here.

 

5 Tips for Succeeding in Psychotherapy

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Psychotherapy is kind of a weird thing. You meet with someone you’ve never met, tell them all about yourself and learn nothing about them in return. Then you go back time and time again doing the same thing (and paying for it!) with the hope that you will feel better, change a little and become a happier person.

I think that’s therapy in a nutshell.

Of course there are lots of ways of doing therapy, lots of different kinds of therapists and certainly lots of different kinds of patients with different histories, problems and complaints.  But even with all these differences, I have found that there are a few common things that people can do to make psychotherapy successful:

Come because you want to.  People come to therapy for lots of different reasons, but I have observed that therapy works best if it is not forced onto someone, or a result of a coercion or threat (“I’m going to divorce you if you don’t see a shrink!”).  Now, this isn’t always true: sometimes folks are sentenced to therapy or treatment in the legal system, or for other reasons, and that treatment can be effective.  I’m just saying that typically therapy works best when people come of their own free will.  It’s hard to participate in the often difficult therapy process if you are not on board with it in the first place.

Give it a chance.  People seek mental health services because they are hurting. It makes sense that they want relief right away. Unfortunately, therapy doesn’t always work this way. Sometimes, in fact, dredging up old hurts can make your mood worse for a time. It can take 2, 3, 4 sessions until you feel relief. It’s hard to be patient, particularly when you’re struggling, but the payoff is worth it, as psychotherapy aims to create change that will last well after the treatment has ended.

Do something.  The therapy hour can be quite healing, but it takes more than that to find achieve success.  To make the best use of your treatment, work needs to be done outside of sessions, too.  Whether it’s keeping a journal, doing behavioral exercises prescribed by your therapist or simply doing some good, hard thinking about the content of your session – it’s not enough to just show up once a week.

Go often.  I don’t have a one-size-fits-all approach to session frequency, but I can tell you that the more often you attend sessions, the faster you will achieve your goals (most of the time, anyway).  There’s a lot to learn about a person, so when sessions are too infrequent (say once a month) it can be hard to learn all there is to learn, catch up on what’s happened since the last visit and then get to the meat of the appointment. Once a week is the typical frequency with which therapy sessions are held, and I think it’s for good reason – particularly when you are just starting treatment.  Once you have hit a groove and progress is being made, less frequent sessions may be an option.

Keep an open mind.  We go to therapy to change something about ourselves or our lives.  That means we will probably have to do some changing.  Granted, change is scary and difficult, but unless we are willing to do some things differently, therapy just won’t work.  Now, that can mean thinking about things in new ways, changing our actual behaviors or interacting with others in alternate ways – but the fact is: in order for psychotherapy to be successful there has to be some room for modification.

Is it time to seek therapy? Check out these tips for deciding.

 

Psychotherapy Myths: Busted

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Psychotherapy and counseling are more a part of our lives than ever.  They’re talked about in TV shows, movies, the local paper and social media. Statements like:

I need to go to therapy!
She’s so crazy, she needs a shrink!
He needs to tell his psychologist about that!

are said all the time.

The thing is, there are lots of myths about therapy, psychologists, and counseling out there.  I am going to take it upon myself to be the the mythbuster today.  Here goes:

If you have at least one good friend you can’t benefit from therapy.  Friends are awesome, and those who have one or two good ones are lucky.  However, friends and mental health professionals are not equal. Why? Because sometimes there are things we aren’t comfortable sharing with our friends and we can’t guarantee that our friends will keep our secrets like a psychologist will.  Furthermore, sometimes we have problems (alcohol addiction, marital woes, difficulty with parenting) that our friends aren’t prepared to help with.

Read more about why your best friend can’t be your therapist.

All of your time in therapy will be spent talking about your mother.  Our moms have a lot to do with who we are (or aren’t) but it doesn’t mean that all your time in therapy will be spent talking about her.  Sometimes therapy sessions involve delving into the past, but not always. Some folks come into my office with very specific, present-oriented goals and that can work out just fine – no mom-talk necessary!

Read more about innovations in psychotherapy over the years.

You’ll have to lie on a couch – and that’s just weird.  OK, I admit that I do have a couch in my office (though I prefer to call it a “sofa”) but folks rarely lie down.  Gone are those Freud-inspired days when patients rambled on while lying on a tufted velvet couch with the psychotherapist taking notes behind them. Sitting on comfortable chairs while looking at each other face to face is the norm these days – often with Starbucks or Diet Coke in hand.  Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Read more about what to expect in your first session with a psychologist.

If you see a psychologist you will be branded “crazy” and that label will follow you around forever.  This is a valid concern. We’re all worried about our privacy – perhaps now more than ever.  The good thing is, psychotherapy services and diagnoses are confidential (with a few exceptions).  It’s important to really understand confidentiality and how it relates to your treatment, how you pay for treatment, and to whom your records are released when you enter therapy.  Just ask your psychologist for an explanation on your first visit (even better: before you make an appointment).  As for the “crazy” diagnosis? There’s no such thing!

Read more about first steps to take after being diagnosed with a mental illness.

Seeing a psychologist means you’re weak and can’t handle your own problems.  “Handling our own problems” entails lots of different things, but from time to time it means asking for help.  Sometimes it means asking your neighbor to watch your kids while you have a date night, or feed your bird while you’re on vacation.  Other times it means asking for help with managing an addiction or anxious thoughts.  It takes a lot of strength to reach out – perhaps even more than continuing to go it alone.

Read more about whether your drinking is problematic.

If you see a psychologist they can read – then change – your thoughts at will.  Oh, if only I had that kind of power (picture me smirking Dr. Evil-style).  OK, in all seriousness, I can’t read your thoughts and I certainly can’t change them to fit my own version of “right” and “wrong”.  What I can do is be an attentive listener and help you become more aware of your own thoughts, behaviors and moods.  And the hope is that I can assist you in changing yourself in ways that feel genuine and beneficial to you.  No dark powers involved.

Read more about what your psychologist really thinks about you.

Are there myths that I forgot?

Things you’ve wondered about in terms of mental health treatment?

Let me know!