Tag: erie child psychologist

Motherhood: Learning Forgiveness in the Wake of an Accident

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Adrienne Gumersell.  Welcome, Adrienne!

My name is Adrienne Gumersell and I am a 33 year old mom of 3, trying to juggle the demands of my kids, while starting a new catering business, and a new blog.

People always ask me- which is harder, having a daughter or having a son?  I used to tell them- it’s just different.  Girls are head games, and boys are head injuries.  It’s just a matter of what you can tolerate better.  I thought I was pretty clever.
I stopped using this expression after my son fell out of a second story window and almost died.  After being flown by medivac to the hospital, he had to have emergency brain surgery, and was in an induced coma for over a week.  After a month in the hospital, we came home.  Today (after months of therapy and more than a year later) he is a fully functioning, healthy little boy.  There is no other way to describe him than- MIRACLE.
I felt guilty, thinking I brought this on myself by using the comparison between boys and girls.  I had only been considering bumps and bruises!  Never did I think that something like this could happen.  Who does?
I felt guilty, thinking I should have done something different.  But the bottom line is, it was an accident.
My kids were playing in our spare room, the window was closed and locked.
What stopped my guilt in it’s tracks was hearing my 5 year old daughter say it was “all my fault, Mommy! I’m the one who opened the window!”
It broke my heart. Because of course it was not her fault.
It was an accident.
And I decided to give myself the same grace.
My children have taught me many things, not the least of which is forgiveness– of others and of self.

The statistics on window related injuries are startling.  The American Academy of Pediatrics did a study from 1990-2008 and found that an average of over 5100 children a year are injured in such accidents.

Let’s all be more aware of window safety.  One life lost to this completely preventable problem is too many.  In fact, as part of the conclusion of the AAP’s study, they stated:

These injuries are an important pediatric public health problem, and increased prevention efforts are needed, including development and evaluation of innovative prevention programs.

Here is a comprehensive Window Safety Checklist, published by the National Safety Council.

Motherhood and Intended Purposes

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Pam Mellskog.  Welcome, Pam!

Pam Mellskog is a mom of three boys ages 6, 4, and 2.  She is also a reporter for the Longmont Times-Call newspaper in Colorado.  In addition, Pam writes the blog Mommy Musings. Editor’s note: Her blog is a great read and has some darling pictures of her kids! Check it out!
After I interviewed a local couple for an upcoming article to run on the Longmont Times-Call’s wedding anniversary and engagement page this Saturday, the man invited me into his workshop to look at a black box originally made to be a baby coffin.
This 79-year-old man collected all sorts of antiques – glass milk jars from defunct local dairies, oxen harness fittings, cracked wooden toys, rusty tools and so much more.
Probably a thousand or even 2,000 items filled his workshop and three white-washed semi-trailers parked in a row beside it.
Some objects, such as the crank-driven device with miniature push-broom brushes that fit over a large barrel, were so old and so obsolete that neither of us really knew the object’s intended purpose.
As it turned out, the father who built the baby coffin understood better than us how much times can change.
The man I interviewed on Monday night with his wife of 57 years said that he bought the baby coffin at an estate sale from an elderly man living in rural Nebraska with his elderly wife.
After the birth of one of their children, the then-young Nebraska couple followed the doctor’s orders to prepare for their baby’s impending death.
So, while the bereaved mother tended to the sick child as best as she could, the bereaved father built the coffin – a small, black box with brass studs on the seams long since tarnished to a color as dark as the old paint.
When we lifted the lid, we could see that this father also painted the interior a deep red. Under the lid, he used more black paint to stencil a stylized stork carrying off a sack.
But instead of placing his child in that box shortly after the paint dried, the man built a tray with compartments to fit snugly in it. And for the next many decades, he used the box for tools before emptying it and selling it to the man I interviewed with his wife early this week.
The baby lived.
In the last 24 hours since I touched the baby-coffin-turned-tool-box, I’ve thought more about my third child – a son with special needs related to Down Syndrome.
Once upon a time, society would have doomed Ray, now 2, and put him in some sort of dark box.
Doctors fewer than 50 years ago told parents to institutionalize these babies shortly after their birth and to never think about them again.
But like that old baby coffin, such a child comes with a very different intended purpose –  a life that includes tremendous potential for productivity and belonging and value.
Today, after another long week with my husband being gone on a business trip in the Middle East, I feel so far from being the parenting magazine mom – that woman who plans craft activities a week in advance, wears colorful,  fresh-pressed clothes and never seems to frown or yell or complain.
Trying to work even just 10 hours as a reporter on deadline while taking care of my three boys – ages 2, 4 and 6 – seems foolhardy!
Yet, my job gave back to my family and me this week.
Now, thanks to that interviewee showing me around his place, I have another vivid image of what my intended purpose is and what it is not.

Motherhood Makes Us Jacks (Janes?) of All Trades

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Megan Lane.  Welcome, Megan!

I am first and foremost, a mom to three sweet littles; Maggie -6, Nora -3, and Ben -1.  I am also married to my wonderful co-parent, Tom.  I am an RN/stay-at-home mom and currently working on my Master’s Degree in Nurse Midwifery.  We live in beautiful Colorado, love to be outdoors, travel, and spend time with our amazing family and friends.

Are you really “just a mom?”  I get this question from time to time and it always takes me by surprise.  It is usually followed by some reference to my career or schooling and usually comes from an old acquaintance, a former colleague, or once, even in a job interview.  I am usually able to giggle the question off with a quick “it’s a busy job” response but sometimes it makes me downright laugh.
No, I am not just a mom (99.9% of the time).  Motherhood has truly made me jack-of-all trades and anyone who has spent a day in a home filled with children would be unable to argue the truth to that statement.  I would say my average day requires skills more apt for a chef, housekeeper, referee, nurse, therapist, teacher, finance manager, ring master, and yes, even jail warden.  It can be dizzying.  Among the many, many gifts motherhood has bestowed on me, a well-rounded motherhood resume is among the top.
Thankfully, about .1% of the time I do get to be “just a mom.” At 2 am when I have all three kids cuddled in my bed for various reasons (nightmares, wanting snuggles, just because) I am just a mom, and it’s just what I want to be.

Seasons of Motherhood

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Megan Schimmelpfennig.  Welcome, Megan!

Photo: Awaken Photography

Hi!  I’m Megan Schimmelpfennig, the lucky wife of Sam, and blessed mom of three children ages 6, almost 3 and 1!  I’m also the founder and owner of my online children’s boutique, Trendy Tots ~n~ Polka Dots.

The definition of motherhood has changed significantly for me over the last two years.  This change started with our move from Arizona to Colorado, and having to leave my job as an advertising account manager in the corporate world for nearly six years.  A week after arriving in Colorado, we were thrilled with the news baby #3 was on the way, and little did I know, I was about to enter a new ‘season’ of being a full-time, stay at home mom.  I feel very fortunate to be able to stay at home with my children, but I’ll be honest, it’s been quite a transition.  Going from striving to meeting and exceeding sales goals and receiving awards for doing so, to striving just to get laundry done, the house picked up and little mouths fed numerous times a day has been no easy feat!  Needless to say, success has a whole new meaning for me.  Some days I feel like the ring leader of a three-ring circus and other days I feel like I’m up on the tight rope trying to balance it all.

By having the awesome experience of being part of a MOPS Group (Mothers of Preschoolers) since moving to CO, I have not only strengthened my relationship with God, but He has made it quite clear this is the season I’m meant to be in, right now, and I couldn’t be happier or more content.  With all the ups, downs, frustrations, challenges and some days very little praise or acknowledgement, I’ve realized I don’t need awards to prove I’m accomplishing great things.  I’m fulfilled when I see my children be kind and loving to each other and make good choices in difficult situations.  When they look at me with their big blue eyes, tears streaming down their cheeks, and they look to me for consolation and I’m here for them.  Being able to impact my children every day brings me immeasurable joy.  I’ve grown to be a more patient mom, cherishing even the time-outs and lessons learned, as I know this season will pass all too quickly.  I look at my patio door and so many times think, “I love those little handprints.  Some day they won’t be there and I will give anything to see them and have a noisy house again.”  During this season, I’ve learned to focus on what’s really important.  I know that for all of us our time is so limited with all that we have to do and the places we need to be, but at the end of the day, it all shakes down to priorities.  Our children are quick to make note of our priorities as well.

One of the things I love about motherhood is God created us all to be unique moms just like our children are unique!  And just as we shouldn’t compare our children to other children, we shouldn’t compare ourselves to other moms.  We set high standards for ourselves as moms and seek approval from other human beings.  We sometimes feel like the biggest compliment we could receive is to be told that we are a wonderful mother.  It’s nice to hear, but I don’t believe it validates anything.  Why?  Because we only need to be the mother that God created each of us to be.  That looks different for all of us.  At the beginning of everyday, my goal is to be the mom God has meant for me to be and raise my children to be the person that God created each of them to be!  I find when I keep feeding my soul with His word and listening to His voice, I’m on the right track in sticking with His plan.  I’m thankful motherhood is not a destination, because we would miss so many blessings along this journey.  And through this journey, God gives us His grace when we make mistakes.  He wouldn’t create us to be mothers without leading and guiding us and being our constant mentor.  What a comforting thought!  My wish for all moms is to live in the present moment of the season you are in.  And remember, the days go by slowly, but the years pass quickly and before we know it, this precious season is over.

Motherhood: Perfection is Not Possible

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Ariahn Knoedler.  Welcome, Ariahn!

Hi, I’m Ariahn Knoedler, mother of four girls under the age of six.  I am a church accompanist and play piano for other things occasionally but mostly, for the last five years, I’ve been busy with my babies.  I distinctly remember the first day after I quit my job as a financial advisor and chose to stay home with my only child at the time.  She was about 15 months old and it was a gorgeous day.   I took her outside in her diaper with a bunch of finger paints and let her make a disaster.  I will always treasure the sweet leisure of that memory and I feel so thankful that I’ve had more moments like that than I have had moments where I have felt overwhelmed and out of control.
Fourteen months ago, I had twins. The biggest way I have grown as a mother over the last year has been to yield to the chaos a little, to make myself open to others, and to accept help.  Before children, I worked hard to make it seem as if I always had it all together.  The last couple years, the friends and family who have supported me have come to realize there are ALWAYS about five loads of laundry piled in my laundry room, my kitchen floor is a mess with the remnants of the last “cooking show” the big girls and I have “hosted”, there’s marker and nail polish all over my beige carpet, and the remnants of two or three crafts can always be found in any given room in my house.  I like to think of my home as happy chaos.
The moms I know, whether they have come to this point of motherhood through adoption, through a planned pregnancy, or through the shock of unexpected multiples, are doing the very best they can.  They are an amazing, strong, diverse, and beautiful group of women.  If I had one piece of advice I could impart it would be to take a breath and accept the mother you are.  There is so much pressure to do everything perfectly, and perfection is simply not possible with these little tornadoes, but a (mostly) happy chaos is.

Be Careful What You Say – The Kids ARE Listening!

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Megan Alpert.  Welcome, Megan!
My name is Megan Alpert and I am a mom of two boys and work for MapQuest in Denver, CO.  I love sharing the adventures of life and parenthood with my husband, Aaron.

Words to live by:

My children have perfectly good ears – they can hear the quietest whisper of a conversation, from across the room, if it is something they are trying to overhear.   And yet, most days, I find myself repeating requests as if I am speaking an undecipherable foreign language.  “Please get your shoes on…let’s set the table…please don’t swing golf clubs in the house…use your napkin instead of your shirt”    I find solace in knowing that I am not alone when I think phrases that have come to symbolize parenthood, such as: “How many times do I need to tell you” and “Did you hear me?”  Recently, I realized that even though you may feel like a repeat record, our children are listening to us.

Years ago, I read The Help, (amazing book if you haven’t read it!) and was moved by the words that the main character always recites the little girl: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”  I decided that this message would be a mantra that I would tell my little boys each night as I tucked them in.

Last month, my second grader came home with a stack full of papers from school.  As I flipped through his work, asking him for the 3rd time to please not throw baseballs in the kitchen, I came across a green piece of construction paper, the edge corners curled framing a white paper with marker writing.   The top of the page read, My Family Values, and below, written in his nicest penmanship, the words: “You are kind. You are smart. You are important.”  My heart smiled and I had one of those amazing moments that we all have as mothers – pure happiness and pride.
And I realized, our words do matter and our words are heard.  Choose wisely.

Motherhood: Knowing How to Pick Your Battles

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Jinnie Smith.  Welcome, Jinnie!

My name is Jinnie Smith.  I am the mother of Hannah, 30 and Megan, 27. BA in Political Science from University of Minnesota; Juris Doctorate from Indiana University School of Law, Indianapolis. Lived in Minnesota for 25 years where I froze every winter but look younger than I am as a result. I have lived in Indianapolis since 1997, where I am an Elder and currently serving as a Deacon at Northminster Presbyterian Church, Indianapolis.

Being Hannah and Megan’s mom crystalizes the word ‘joy’ for me.  The memories of their growing up years are filled with humor, frustration, and the astonishing moments when they say or do something that knocks your socks off. Hannah, with tears streaming down her face, talking about a doll she found during clean-up in the aftermath of a hurricane.  A phone call on my birthday from Megan and the youth group on a work trip in New Mexico. They all sang “Happy Birthday” together on the phone.

The best thing about being their mom right now is seeing the remarkable young women they have become. They are strong, intelligent and beautiful. Hannah campaigned actively for Obama in 2008 in some of the worst neighborhoods of Detroit. Megan is an outspoken advocate for LGBT rights, especially in our church. They are also 2 of the funniest people I have ever known.

When my husband was ill and dying, they both came home periodically and stayed for a week. I remember watching Hannah help Ron walk into the kitchen and teasing him about wanting to hold her hand. And Megan sobbing at his bedside when he was dying. He was in a coma and she thought no one was watching.

I have 2 pieces of advice that served me well as a mom.

1. Catch them being good! Acknowledge their positive behavior. Take advantage of teachable moments and help them learn from their poor decisions.

2. Pick your battles and be sure the ones you pick are the ones you have to win. If it is not morally, physically or legally threatening it might not be worth fighting about. I used to sit and watch MTV with the girls rather than forbidding it. I also commented on the videos and it paid off later in their words and actions. Megan told a boyfriend there was nothing funny about saying he was going to kick her butt. She sent him home. He later apologized.

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Moms: We’re All Just Doing the Best We Can

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Lynne Kendig.  Welcome, Lynne!

My name is Lynne Kendig and I am a recently retired family practice physician, married, and lucky to have my daughter and her family living nearby.

I have loved being a mom. My husband and I are now enjoying being grandparents to two very busy boys. One thing that amazes me is the amount of information “out there” for new parents to inquire about and absorb. I think it can be overwhelming. The digital world has made so many things easier, but it is just as easy to lose ourselves and the hours in the day.
When my daughter was little, we looked forward so much to vacationing at “the shore”, along the New Jersey coast. I think just watching the waves or walking along the beach gives you time to put life into perspective and solve some things your brain is working on. Here in Denver, the mountains give us that same sense of beauty, wonder and discovery. My advice would be to try to just be as present as you can. Play outdoors often. Listen. Take your time. And don’t be too hard on yourself. We are all doing the best we can.

Motherhood Must Haves? Crocs, Fruit Snacks, and Prayer

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Erin McNeil.  Welcome, Erin!

I’m a happy wife and mom of boys.  I hold bachelors and masters degrees in Social Psychology with an emphasis in Women & Adolescent Girls.
I’m currently undergoing Life Coach Training/Certification and hope to begin my life coach practice in early 2013.

In my opinion, 1 boy = 3 girls.   So, I really feel like I have 9 children.  With that said, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Motherhood has been all that I thought of and hoped for, and of course much more.  When my oldest son was only a few months old I was strolling through the mall.  A father smiled at me and then looking at my son said, “Every stage is my favorite“.  I took that as advice to live in the present.  I agree with him – every stage has been my favorite.  If only I could thank him for such great advice.
I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to teach respect and love in our home and have just recently seen the blessed results in having my children be their own best friends.  I can only hope and pray this will continue.  There is nothing I would rather do than raise these children.  I feel the weight and pressure of doing my very best to raise my boys to ultimately be good men.  With boys I’ve found the key to success is being silly, being active and having lots and lots of food – regardless of where you are.
Things I couldn’t do without = LEGOS, PBS’ “Curious George” TV show, Digital music, Crocs, Fruit Snacks, Swimming Pools, Miss Jen’s Joy School, Crayola Markers, Household Bleach & Prayer.

The Little Extras Make a Big Difference in Motherhood (and Life)

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Mandy Baron.  Welcome, Mandy!

Hi, I’m Mandy.  I am a part time Dental Hygienist in Dallas, Texas.   My Husband, Andrew, and I are parents to two little tornadoes boys; Austin (3) and Tyler (1).

We sometimes joke that we used to think we were great, single, individuals… then we got married.  We realized we both had a LONG list of improvements to be made.  We took a few years, learned a few things and again felt like pretty good people.  Then we had our two little boys and realized, again, we had our work cut out for us.  Being a mother has brought me joy, taught me countless lessons and continues to humble me every day.
I love the quote “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little “extra”- Jimmy Johnson.
Usually at the end of the day (while looking at the path of destruction caused by my tornadoes) the last thing I want to do is exert any effort or energy.  I have found that adding that little ”extra” has improved my relationship with my family.   Whether it is extra time for my kids, extra effort, extra time jumping on the trampoline, or extra chocolate chips in their pancakes I know the effort is appreciated.  I’m not saying by any means to over-do it; just take an extra five minutes.