Motherhood: Perfection is Not Possible

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Ariahn Knoedler.  Welcome, Ariahn!

Hi, I’m Ariahn Knoedler, mother of four girls under the age of six.  I am a church accompanist and play piano for other things occasionally but mostly, for the last five years, I’ve been busy with my babies.  I distinctly remember the first day after I quit my job as a financial advisor and chose to stay home with my only child at the time.  She was about 15 months old and it was a gorgeous day.   I took her outside in her diaper with a bunch of finger paints and let her make a disaster.  I will always treasure the sweet leisure of that memory and I feel so thankful that I’ve had more moments like that than I have had moments where I have felt overwhelmed and out of control.
Fourteen months ago, I had twins. The biggest way I have grown as a mother over the last year has been to yield to the chaos a little, to make myself open to others, and to accept help.  Before children, I worked hard to make it seem as if I always had it all together.  The last couple years, the friends and family who have supported me have come to realize there are ALWAYS about five loads of laundry piled in my laundry room, my kitchen floor is a mess with the remnants of the last “cooking show” the big girls and I have “hosted”, there’s marker and nail polish all over my beige carpet, and the remnants of two or three crafts can always be found in any given room in my house.  I like to think of my home as happy chaos.
The moms I know, whether they have come to this point of motherhood through adoption, through a planned pregnancy, or through the shock of unexpected multiples, are doing the very best they can.  They are an amazing, strong, diverse, and beautiful group of women.  If I had one piece of advice I could impart it would be to take a breath and accept the mother you are.  There is so much pressure to do everything perfectly, and perfection is simply not possible with these little tornadoes, but a (mostly) happy chaos is.

Motherhood: Knowing How to Pick Your Battles

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Jinnie Smith.  Welcome, Jinnie!

My name is Jinnie Smith.  I am the mother of Hannah, 30 and Megan, 27. BA in Political Science from University of Minnesota; Juris Doctorate from Indiana University School of Law, Indianapolis. Lived in Minnesota for 25 years where I froze every winter but look younger than I am as a result. I have lived in Indianapolis since 1997, where I am an Elder and currently serving as a Deacon at Northminster Presbyterian Church, Indianapolis.

Being Hannah and Megan’s mom crystalizes the word ‘joy’ for me.  The memories of their growing up years are filled with humor, frustration, and the astonishing moments when they say or do something that knocks your socks off. Hannah, with tears streaming down her face, talking about a doll she found during clean-up in the aftermath of a hurricane.  A phone call on my birthday from Megan and the youth group on a work trip in New Mexico. They all sang “Happy Birthday” together on the phone.

The best thing about being their mom right now is seeing the remarkable young women they have become. They are strong, intelligent and beautiful. Hannah campaigned actively for Obama in 2008 in some of the worst neighborhoods of Detroit. Megan is an outspoken advocate for LGBT rights, especially in our church. They are also 2 of the funniest people I have ever known.

When my husband was ill and dying, they both came home periodically and stayed for a week. I remember watching Hannah help Ron walk into the kitchen and teasing him about wanting to hold her hand. And Megan sobbing at his bedside when he was dying. He was in a coma and she thought no one was watching.

I have 2 pieces of advice that served me well as a mom.

1. Catch them being good! Acknowledge their positive behavior. Take advantage of teachable moments and help them learn from their poor decisions.

2. Pick your battles and be sure the ones you pick are the ones you have to win. If it is not morally, physically or legally threatening it might not be worth fighting about. I used to sit and watch MTV with the girls rather than forbidding it. I also commented on the videos and it paid off later in their words and actions. Megan told a boyfriend there was nothing funny about saying he was going to kick her butt. She sent him home. He later apologized.

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The Little Extras Make a Big Difference in Motherhood (and Life)

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Mandy Baron.  Welcome, Mandy!

Hi, I’m Mandy.  I am a part time Dental Hygienist in Dallas, Texas.   My Husband, Andrew, and I are parents to two little tornadoes boys; Austin (3) and Tyler (1).

We sometimes joke that we used to think we were great, single, individuals… then we got married.  We realized we both had a LONG list of improvements to be made.  We took a few years, learned a few things and again felt like pretty good people.  Then we had our two little boys and realized, again, we had our work cut out for us.  Being a mother has brought me joy, taught me countless lessons and continues to humble me every day.
I love the quote “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little “extra”- Jimmy Johnson.
Usually at the end of the day (while looking at the path of destruction caused by my tornadoes) the last thing I want to do is exert any effort or energy.  I have found that adding that little ”extra” has improved my relationship with my family.   Whether it is extra time for my kids, extra effort, extra time jumping on the trampoline, or extra chocolate chips in their pancakes I know the effort is appreciated.  I’m not saying by any means to over-do it; just take an extra five minutes.