Dr Stephanie

There is advice everywhere I look. From the psychology and health related blogs I read (“How to Keep Your Kids Safe This Summer!” “10 Steps to Being a More Engaged Mom!”) to the home improvement blogs I enjoy (“How To Rip Out Carpet!” “Painting Your Deck with Ease!”) to the healthy living/fitness blogs I skim (“Cut Out Gluten for a Flatter Stomach!” “Train for a Marathon This Summer!”).  I have to admit I have reached my breaking point when it comes to reading advice.

Who are these advice-givers anyway?  And do they follow their own advice?  Can any of us really be expected to do all these things we’re “supposed” to do?

I know, I know, my blog is full of tips, advice, strategies too.  And believe me, sometimes I read my own words and they sound a bit like blah blah blahhhhhhhh to me as well.

Do you ever feel like you are being bombarded with advice? How do you cope? How do you choose what to tune out?

Advice, tips, coping strategies are all great things. But just like everything else: moderation is key. With that, I will follow my own advice and not offer any today.

As I was brushing my teeth this morning I was thinking about whether and what to post about the attacks in Boston yesterday.  Like everyone else, I am dismayed and grieved at the trauma endured by the athletes and their supporters.  I can’t help but reflect on the multitude of traumas our people have endured over the last few years.

Is this normal?  Have these sorts of incidents increased?  What can be made of all this violence, injury and death?  I don’t know the answers to these questions.  But, I do know that it is normal to feel lots of emotions following tragedies like the one yesterday.

The American Psychological Association offered some tips on how to recognize and cope with traumatic stress.  Check out their tips here.

In looking over APA’s info, I was struck by a couple of points:

• People respond to tragedies differently.  Some folks might feel nothing, others may cry, still others might have trouble tearing themselves away from news coverage.  I notice many folks turning to social media as a way to cope with their own grief and fear.  Still others may simply want to retreat and withdraw.  No response is right or wrong.  Just different.
• Re-establishing routines is important.  I’m big into routines, so this tip really rang true for me.  Routines can be comforting to all of us – especially kids – so getting back to a normal schedule can go a long way in helping cope with traumatic events.  Maybe this means going back to your regular dinnertime, enjoying your favorite TV shows, or getting back to your typical workout schedule.  Even if it feels awkward at first, getting back into the swing of your normal routine can help minimize stress, fear, and uncertainty.
• Avoid major life decisions.  This tip is new to me, but I think it is pretty interesting.  Traumatic events can produce big emotions.  Sometimes those emotions are grief and fear, but they can also be passion, anger, or excitement.  These emotions can be so intense that we may feel driven to make decisions about our relationships, work, and family lives.  APA suggests we avoid these decisions in times of high stress.

For more information about coping with traumatic events, check out the American Psychological Association.

Teasing can happen anywhere.  And so can it’s meaner, more serious cousin bullying.  As most any kid can tell you, the lunch hour can be a stressful one.  Who to sit with? Buy lunch or bring lunch? How to deal with the mean lunch lady? How to cope when making friends and conversation don’t come easily? What to do when weight and food are struggles? Leave campus or eat in the cafeteria? Ugh. The dilemmas are endless.  Unfortunately so are the possibilities for conflict.

I wrote the following article over at Produce for Kids about how to help your kids when they are being bullied about what is in their lunchbox.  Seem far-fetched and like it never happens? Ask the kids in your life, and I bet they will tell you otherwise.

Dealing with Lunchroom Bullies: Produce for Kids

Friends are good medicine.  And when I say “friend” I mean a real, live, true friend.  Not a Facebook friend, or a virtual friend, or someone who calls us a friend but is really trying to sell us something.

I have been reminded of the importance of friends and mental health several times recently.  Once while reading Dr. Deborah Serani’s book Living with Depression, in which she recommends both “staying connected to social support” and “avoiding toxic people” as part of an overall plan for managing depression.  I was also reminded of the good medicine friends can be while spending time with a dear, longtime friend the other day.

Your friends might not look like these guys, but they can be good for your mental health anyway!

The problem is, many of us don’t make time to spend with the friends we have, and don’t invest in new relationships.  It’s easy to get distracted with the other priorities in life: family commitments, work, exercise, household chores, etc.  As we enter into the new year, I wonder how our lives might be improved by placing a priority on our friendships?  Perhaps making a goal to spend purely social, fun time with a friend once a month, or once a quarter even would be a good start.

And what about those of us who don’t have friends, or don’t have the types of friendships we would like? Perhaps this is the year to make relationship-building a priority.  Take a risk and talk to new people, engage in a new activity, or re-kindle an old relationship that has faded away.

Working toward good mental health can mean lots of things – focusing on friendships can be a free and fun way to do it.

When will the madness end? That’s a question so many of us are asking ourselves today.  It is so hard to know how to cope with senseless violence of any kind, but especially when it involves so many kids in a place where they are supposed to feel safe.

As we struggle to cope with the tragedy in Connecticut today, I offer a couple of tips for families:

Talk about it.  Many of us find it useful to process and talk about tragedies – especially when they are as confusing and senseless as the one today.  This goes for grown-ups and kids alike.  Allow yourself and your family members (even the little ones) time to express feelings, fears, and worries over today’s events.  Talk about what you and your family do to keep each other safe, and take a moment to cherish each other – out loud.

Turn it off.  Just as it’s crucial to express our thoughts, it is just as important to put an end to the conversation at an appropriate point.  This can mean turning off news coverage, taking a break from Facebook, and providing our children (and ourselves) with other, safer things to do (watch a holiday movie, make cookies, play Wii, etc).  The details of the shooting in CT will be in the news for days and weeks to come.  You will not be missing anything by turning off the news reports, and in fact you will be doing a lot to maintain your mental health.

Need more ideas and resources about how to manage stress in the aftermath of a tragedy?

Helping Your Children Manage Distress in the Aftermath of a Shooting (APA)

SAMHSA’s Disaster Distress Helpline: 800-985-5990

Managing Distress in the Aftermath of a Shooting (APA)

Tips for Talking with Kids and Youth After a Disaster or Traumatic Event (SAMHSA): A Guide for Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers

I hate to be bah-humbug about it, but the holidays suck are tough.  Every year around this time my mood fluctuates like crazy, and I can tell the people around me are feeling the same way.  I’ve written about holiday stress many times before, but this year I really tried to stop and think about WHY the holidays are so hard for so many of us.  Beyond offering tips for coping with holiday turmoil, here’s my best guess as to why this season can stink (to put it mildly):

NONE OF US CAN MEASURE UP!

Perhaps in the “good old days” the holiday season meant spending time with loved ones and enjoying the meaning of the season (whatever the meaning might have been).  But these days, it feels like it has become the season of measuring up:

• Do you have enough money to by your sweetie the diamonds, luxury cars, and furs shown on TV ads?
• Have you decorated your house with hand-dyed partridge feathers and spiced citrus?
• Do have a perpetually-smiling brood of 4 or 5 who love to play Parcheesi together and and giggle while sipping on homemade cider?

NO??

Well, guess what? Me neither.  And I am here to tell you that no one measures up to those kinds of standards.  Not even Ms. Martha Stewart herself would come out on top with the above as goals.  So, let’s put an end to this measuring-up, and deal with ourselves, our family, our friends, and our finances for who and what they are: imperfect.  I propose that we simply do our best to get through this month with our mental health intact.  Happy Holidays!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a couple posts on Pre-Election Stress Disorder.  What started out as a sort of tongue-in-cheek post ended up as one of my most popular, and even led to a radio interview on WHYY FM in Philadelphia.  When I was contacted yesterday by a reporter for comments about POST-Election Stress, I figured I should write something about that, too!  Here goes:

There can be several reasons for feeling stressed, sad, or just plain overwhelmed after the election.  Some would argue that the protracted election brought out some of the worst of our country (nasty ads, downright lies, unproductive and sometimes ugly debates).  This alone can be reason to feel disappointment and anger at the process and the players involved.

Of course one can also feel stressed and angered about the outcome of the election.  And let’s not forget that the position of the President wasn’t the only one for which we were voting.  Representatives at all levels were chosen last night, as were local ballot measures affecting how our communities operate.  It can be easy to forget – with all of Obama and Romney’s hoopla – that folks might be struggling with the outcomes of these “smaller” ballot questions too.  (I for one have very strong feelings about the legalization of a certain fringy-leafed plant in my state – but the reasons for that are for another post).

So how can we cope with our disappointment, stress, anger, or fear?

Keep on Keeping on.  Most of us have some pretty good stress management strategies on board already.  Whether it’s walking, talking to a trusted friend, playing cribbage, doing yoga, reading, or praying – most of us can cite at least one thing that we are already doing that helps manage stress.  Trouble is, when stress hits, we sometimes abandon these good coping tools – just when we need them most!  Today is the perfect day to carve out a few minutes to practice the stress management skills you already have.

Take a Step Back.  The cool thing about this country is that it keeps on ticking no matter who is in charge.  You may be able to point to great presidents and not so great ones, but the fact is: times marches on.  Instead of focusing on today, try taking a longer view of both our history and our future.  Putting things in perspective can be a highly effective way to manage stress in the here and now.

Do Something.  As I mentioned in my post about Pre-Election Stress Disorder, there are lots of things we can do to affect political change in our country (and what an awesome thing that is!).  These include things like: volunteering for a political campaign, donating money to a candidate or cause, or running for office yourself.  Doing something productive and worthwhile (this does NOT include posting nasty messages on Facebook, etc) can again be a super antidote to feelings of stress, anger, and anxiety.

Turn it Off.  The election is over, we know the results, they are not going to change.  The media continues to talk about it, analyze it, and second guess it because they have to – they have lots of airtime to fill.  The good news is, you don’t have to watch it!  Re-hashing the nitty gritty of the election isn’t good for anyone – especially if you are unhappy with the outcome.  So turn off your TV, radio, and political websites and get out and do something fun!

*Disclaimer: I made up Post-Election Stress Disorder – it is not a real psychiatric diagnosis.  However, the stress, worry, and anxiety that folks feel around this time every 4 years is very real.  If worry and anxiety about this (or other) issues are negatively affecting you, please contact your health care provider.

Photo: Getty Images

By now we’ve all seen the amazing, horrifying images of the damage Hurricane Sandy inflicted on the East Coast.  And I would imagine the suffering, struggle, and emotional fallout will continue long after the media moves on to more “interesting” things in the days and weeks ahead.  My colleague, Dr. Elaine Ducharme wrote a great article about how to cope with the hurricane on the American Psychological Association’s blog, Your Mind. Your Body.  Her tips – especially the ones about getting the facts and talking to your kids – are especially helpful. Check it out here.

I also really liked the post by CNN’s The Chart about some of the nuts and bolts about living through a storm and subsequent flooding.  I didn’t realize how dangerous floods can be after the water recedes.  Check it out here.

This article on ABC about how to help hurricane victims was excellent.  I love how they reviewed several organizations, how to contact them, and how the money donated actually helps people.  Did you know over one hundred blood drives were cancelled because of the storm? Wow.  Check it out here.

For more information about managing stress and trauma after this hurricane or other natural disasters, check out the resources over at the American Psychological Association.

The other day, I wrote an article about Pre-Election Stress Disorder, in which I described the symptoms and signs of the diagnosis*.   While not a real psychiatric disorder, stress, worry, and anxiety around election day are very real.   The constant ads, news, and other messages may be exciting for some, but for others it can all become too much.  If you have symptoms of PESD, don’t worry – there are things you can do to cope over the next two weeks of political bombardment – and they don’t include moving to another country!  Some tips:

Turn it off.  Remember the good old days when the news was only on TV a couple of times a day and the newspapers were read just once in the morning? While our constant access to “breaking news” – via TV, internet, Facebook, etc – can be interesting, it certainly doesn’t do much for one’s level of anxiety.  News outlets would have us believe that in order to be an informed citizen, we need to check in several times per day, however, this is rarely the case.  Even in our fast-paced world, news doesn’t typically happen at break-neck speed.  With that in mind, it can be beneficial to have a set time to get the election (and other) updates once or twice per day.  Other than that, keep the TV, websites, newspapers turned off.

Remember what’s important.  Not to say that national politics are not important, but keep in mind that they do not transcend all of the other things in your life and/or community.  Maintaining your health, relationships, professional life and hobbies are all important – don’t abandon them or forget about the real, day-to-day influence they have on your life.  Keeping in mind all the things that make your life your own, can help in remembering that the presidential election – no matter the outcome – is just one small piece of the puzzle that makes up your life.

Do what you can, leave behind what you can’t.  Here are some things we can do to affect change in our political system:

• vote
• work with a political campaign by knocking on doors, putting up yard signs, raising money
• donate money
• attend caucuses, rallies, etc
• write to elected officials, visit their offices, etc
• run for political office ourselves

Here are some things that do not affect change in our political system:

• watch and read election/political coverage for hours each day
• agonize over the fate of the election
• threaten to move to another country if the election doesn’t go our way
• give more weight to the election than it is due
• fight and argue over who is right and who is wrong

Good luck managing over the next couple of weeks!

*Disclaimer: I made up Pre-Election Stress Disorder – it is not a real psychiatric diagnosis.  However, the stress, worry, and anxiety that folks feel around this time every 4 years is very real.  If worry and anxiety about this (or other) issues are negatively affecting you, please contact your health care provider.

Who us? Causing you stress?

Dr. Stephanie is now on Facebook – check it out!

Does anyone else feel completely overwhelmed by the election?  I don’t care what your party affiliation, presidential elections (and their accompanying nastiness) can be a huge source of stress for many people.  Even if you aren’t involved in a campaign, it’s tough to get a break from the candidates’ ads on TV, postcards in the mail, talk on the radio, and posts in the blogosphere.  Commentators’ rhetoric and opinions are often enough to push me right over the edge.  Does the same thing happen to you?  Do you have PESD?

What is Pre-Election Stress Disorder*?

• Underlying or overt feelings of worry or anxiety when exposed to campaign coverage
• Preoccupation with the political campaign and coverage/inability or difficulty turning off coverage of the election
• Feelings of fatigue surrounding political talk/un-heathy lack of interest in the election (i.e., becoming so frustrated you no longer want to vote)
• Disappointment, disgust, or depression surrounding either: 1) The state of our country 2) The integrity of our people 3) Your own future
• Desire to spend the next two weeks in a foreign country with earplugs and a sleeping mask on

Any of these things sounds like you?  Well, you might have PESD! Tune in tomorrow and I will give you some tips for coping.

*Disclaimer: I made up Pre-Election Stress Disorder – it is not a real psychiatric diagnosis.  However, the stress, worry, and anxiety that folks feel around this time every 4 years is very real.  If worry and anxiety about this (or other) issues are negatively affecting you, please contact your health care provider.